(no subject)
when i was a kid i used to throw up if i ate chocolate too late, if it was after 8 i would always wake up in the middle of the night and toss it. I would save it for later, but i would save it so i sould have it longer, i wouls save it so long that i would end up eating it right before bed or even after my bedtime. The problem with that is, i would eat it and then it would make me sick and i would have to go purge it. I'm eating chocolate right now, its almost 9, and i dont know why i thought of it. I know that those days are over and i know im not going to puke now that ive eaten this after 8, but sometimes i still wonder if it could ever happen again.
and i wonder why ive thought of this now, usually when something as random as this pops into my head, it means that i have something in my life that act as a metaphor. All i can think about lately is Ashley, i can think about how shes not going to make it out here because of her early call to the air force. When she told me, it really started sinking in that i am really alone out here, and im going to have to wait longer for her to come rescue me from my lonleyness. I used to think that i could be alone and that i could survive without her. I know now that thats not a possibility for me.
but who will she bee when she gets back, and i keep reminding my self that all this has happened before, (and i do mean all of this). I know what i have to do, and i know i need to do it, but i wonder if i wait too long will it be too late. And if i do this at the last second, will it all come crashing down on me and hurting me like chocolate after bedtime.....
and i wonder why ive thought of this now, usually when something as random as this pops into my head, it means that i have something in my life that act as a metaphor. All i can think about lately is Ashley, i can think about how shes not going to make it out here because of her early call to the air force. When she told me, it really started sinking in that i am really alone out here, and im going to have to wait longer for her to come rescue me from my lonleyness. I used to think that i could be alone and that i could survive without her. I know now that thats not a possibility for me.
but who will she bee when she gets back, and i keep reminding my self that all this has happened before, (and i do mean all of this). I know what i have to do, and i know i need to do it, but i wonder if i wait too long will it be too late. And if i do this at the last second, will it all come crashing down on me and hurting me like chocolate after bedtime.....