(no subject)
I've been thinking lately. And can you really trust anyone? I've had a series of failed relationships, be them serious or not. I've had the feeling where it feels like my hearts been continuously beat with a bat, not saying it was broken, more just bruised. I believe you have to have loved a person to have them break your heart. But, I'm not sure if any of you has ever fallen off your bike, or tripped and scrapped your knee, but bruises, they tend to hurt pretty bad. So where does trust come in to play? If you're in a relationship with someone, aren't you supposed to be able to trust them enough to not do that? To not bruise you or break you in any way? I can't even trust myself enough to not do it to someone else.
In the last couple of weeks I have become a bitter person. Not to mention ten times more pessimistic than I used to be. Which, if you know me at all, is pretty bad. But, should I be? I'm starting to think that if I stopped listening to music or watching TV, I'd be a lot happier. They're the downfall of life. Everyone ends up happy in songs and movies. But in reality, it doesn't happen. Even if you fall in love and get married, you eventually get bored and tired. Not to mention one of you eventually dies and then you're left alone to be miserable unless you were the one to be lucky enough to die first.
But then again, maybe that's what we need. Maybe what we as humans look for in life is someone that's going to make us feel this way. We're all masochist, in our own way. We want that person who is going to save us, then break us, then save us again. And if they can't, we move on and start the entire process over again. Again and again.
Who set the standard of what happiness is? Why does it have to be found in someone else? As much as I'd love to be one of those people who could not care at all if I was ever with someone or not, I'm not. Most of us aren't. But, really, who the hell did this? Someone started this trend of finding a mate for more than just reproductive reasons. And why? Why is that? They had to have fallen for someone and never got their heart broken or bruised, because if that was the case, they would have thrown up a white flag.
So maybe I should just let go of everything, though. Instead of getting angry at people or feeling bad for things that are out of my control I should just let everything be. Throw my hands up and laugh it all off. Because what else can I do?
I can go to the bar with my friends and dance all night and drink until I'm stupid. I can get as high as fuck and sleep harder than any other person has in their entire life. I can smoke a pack a day and drink about 10 cups of coffee so I stay up all night, like tonight. I do these things anyway. So maybe I should just continue this trend of unhealthy living. Maybe it's what happiness is?
I've been living off of camel lights, red bull and vodka, and twix. I believe this has affected my way of thinking.
In the last couple of weeks I have become a bitter person. Not to mention ten times more pessimistic than I used to be. Which, if you know me at all, is pretty bad. But, should I be? I'm starting to think that if I stopped listening to music or watching TV, I'd be a lot happier. They're the downfall of life. Everyone ends up happy in songs and movies. But in reality, it doesn't happen. Even if you fall in love and get married, you eventually get bored and tired. Not to mention one of you eventually dies and then you're left alone to be miserable unless you were the one to be lucky enough to die first.
But then again, maybe that's what we need. Maybe what we as humans look for in life is someone that's going to make us feel this way. We're all masochist, in our own way. We want that person who is going to save us, then break us, then save us again. And if they can't, we move on and start the entire process over again. Again and again.
Who set the standard of what happiness is? Why does it have to be found in someone else? As much as I'd love to be one of those people who could not care at all if I was ever with someone or not, I'm not. Most of us aren't. But, really, who the hell did this? Someone started this trend of finding a mate for more than just reproductive reasons. And why? Why is that? They had to have fallen for someone and never got their heart broken or bruised, because if that was the case, they would have thrown up a white flag.
So maybe I should just let go of everything, though. Instead of getting angry at people or feeling bad for things that are out of my control I should just let everything be. Throw my hands up and laugh it all off. Because what else can I do?
I can go to the bar with my friends and dance all night and drink until I'm stupid. I can get as high as fuck and sleep harder than any other person has in their entire life. I can smoke a pack a day and drink about 10 cups of coffee so I stay up all night, like tonight. I do these things anyway. So maybe I should just continue this trend of unhealthy living. Maybe it's what happiness is?
I've been living off of camel lights, red bull and vodka, and twix. I believe this has affected my way of thinking.