Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
I have a new phone! Because the old one -- and I mean old -- the one with the absent faceplate so you had to have all of the keys memorized to use it, the one held together by duct tape, finally shuffled off its mortal coil upon being dunked into a public toilet. A last indignity in its long, undignified life, that proved fatal.
My new model cost $11.99 and does phone stuff and nothing else, God bless it. Pay as you go. $20 every three months, just like the old one. I just can't get into these other gadgets that function as crappy Internet browsers and texting devices. Although I must admit it gives me great pleasure to watch people run into things when they attempt to use them while walking. They're good for that at least.
Anyway, hooray for cheap little phones that only do phone stuff! I didn't think they made them like that anymore!