(no subject)
So i might hook up with this guy. His over eagerness turns me off and worries me that ill end up hurting his feelings when he realizes im not head over heels abut him like he is with me. He wants to go out tonight but im weary of not being as excited as he is. He wrote me a drunken ramble about how much he wants me which makes the situation even more awkward. What do I do? I feel i want to be a risk taker and not pass up what might be a good change, but is it worth possibly hurting someone for my own intentions. I felt the pain of breaking up with guys and i HATE it.
Worry 2: Today one of my dads favorite speakers was on KLRN and he wanted me to listen to one of his inspiring stories of "God's perfect love." I really want to listen, I can also see how important it is to him, but here comes my son asking me all sorts of questions and trying to climb all over me. I sense my fathers annoyance that we can't hear and I feel mine begin to grow. My body got hotter and hotter with the more questions alex asked. My dad told me to keep listening and he will take care of Alex's demands(He wanted crushed ice in a water bottle) Im still trying to listen but I can hear my Dad's frustration with Alex which makes me even more angry. Im not even paying attention to the speaker anymore so I get up to releave my dad of his task. Again im told to "just listen" I don't want to. I missed most of it. But he doesn't care. I sit anyways while my dads banging ice onto the counter while screaming into his cell phone and alex is talking away. All I can hear in my head is how angry I am. I ask myself what is the point of me listening to this beautiful story of patience, love, and understanding if its not going to create a change for the better in me. I want that change badly but im letting anger control my actions. The punchline of the story arrives and Alex comes over to tell me he's sorry and why. I finally blow because I had to go through all that bullshit to not even get to hear the main part. Alex stomps off to the room. My dad asks wasn't that beautiful? I cry my way to the bathroom as I tell him, "what good was it for me to hear something so beautiful and then turn around and treat my son so ugly?" Now I reain in a simmering state of anger. why is my son getting to me so bad today, even his breath bothers me. My friend told me im meant to be a mother but when i see how quickly i get irritated with him I begin to wonder....
Worry 2: Today one of my dads favorite speakers was on KLRN and he wanted me to listen to one of his inspiring stories of "God's perfect love." I really want to listen, I can also see how important it is to him, but here comes my son asking me all sorts of questions and trying to climb all over me. I sense my fathers annoyance that we can't hear and I feel mine begin to grow. My body got hotter and hotter with the more questions alex asked. My dad told me to keep listening and he will take care of Alex's demands(He wanted crushed ice in a water bottle) Im still trying to listen but I can hear my Dad's frustration with Alex which makes me even more angry. Im not even paying attention to the speaker anymore so I get up to releave my dad of his task. Again im told to "just listen" I don't want to. I missed most of it. But he doesn't care. I sit anyways while my dads banging ice onto the counter while screaming into his cell phone and alex is talking away. All I can hear in my head is how angry I am. I ask myself what is the point of me listening to this beautiful story of patience, love, and understanding if its not going to create a change for the better in me. I want that change badly but im letting anger control my actions. The punchline of the story arrives and Alex comes over to tell me he's sorry and why. I finally blow because I had to go through all that bullshit to not even get to hear the main part. Alex stomps off to the room. My dad asks wasn't that beautiful? I cry my way to the bathroom as I tell him, "what good was it for me to hear something so beautiful and then turn around and treat my son so ugly?" Now I reain in a simmering state of anger. why is my son getting to me so bad today, even his breath bothers me. My friend told me im meant to be a mother but when i see how quickly i get irritated with him I begin to wonder....