So Precious.. and I Destroyed You
Well It's been a while since i did this so i might as well.
Nothing really all that great has happened within the last week. I sat around a lot.. talked to a lot of people...my dvd player broke and that pisses me off. Nothing else really.
Today I finally got out. I went and applied for some jobs and did some shopping *cringe* I got a few things..new purse,"emo" glasses.. gosh i hate that term..,Lot sof new rings,new necklace thats soooo perty,some socks,makeup,hair stuff,and i got new guages as always.
Dan doesn't want me to guage em anymore..I do tho..It's kind of addicting.
.. tonight i am doing a lot of thinking.
I did something i really regret last nite..can't change it..but ugh for so many reasons i regret it. I thought maybe it would make me feel better..but it just made me feel a ton worse about things. =(
how does a fuck up justify an already done fuck up? I dunno.It doesnt i guess is the answer.. but maybe somehow it will all be ok with me. I dunno.
also tonight i was doing a lot of thinking about Jon and Ian. I miss them way too much.I miss our crazy times together just hanging out being goofy..river fires,knee tickling,video taping,late nights,inside jokes.. all of it. I want it back. I want jon to move back around here after his training is over, so we can go back to how it was. I wanna stay here and be as great of friends with those guys when im 40 as i was when i was 17. Everythings changed.. and i hate it. They were the only 2 people i could ever count on for the longest time. I keep trying to call ian because he called for me a few days ago but I can never get thru. I know jon already left and feel terrible for not at least getting a goodbye visit in b4 he did.. i just didnt know how i could do it after everything that happened with us in october. I felt so used but loved at the same time.. and i dont know which it was.. and it scares me.
It's almost summer.. it's time for us to have our old times back.. walking around baden in the wee hours jumping off walls, playing with fire and acting like idiots..
why cant i have that back? or maybe i can? maybe we can.. but somehow since Jon has a Daughter now, Ian is in College and I'm here..trying to figure out what to do with my life.. i don't see it happening.. but maybe we can pretend.. just for one day.
<3
Nothing really all that great has happened within the last week. I sat around a lot.. talked to a lot of people...my dvd player broke and that pisses me off. Nothing else really.
Today I finally got out. I went and applied for some jobs and did some shopping *cringe* I got a few things..new purse,"emo" glasses.. gosh i hate that term..,Lot sof new rings,new necklace thats soooo perty,some socks,makeup,hair stuff,and i got new guages as always.
Dan doesn't want me to guage em anymore..I do tho..It's kind of addicting.
.. tonight i am doing a lot of thinking.
I did something i really regret last nite..can't change it..but ugh for so many reasons i regret it. I thought maybe it would make me feel better..but it just made me feel a ton worse about things. =(
how does a fuck up justify an already done fuck up? I dunno.It doesnt i guess is the answer.. but maybe somehow it will all be ok with me. I dunno.
also tonight i was doing a lot of thinking about Jon and Ian. I miss them way too much.I miss our crazy times together just hanging out being goofy..river fires,knee tickling,video taping,late nights,inside jokes.. all of it. I want it back. I want jon to move back around here after his training is over, so we can go back to how it was. I wanna stay here and be as great of friends with those guys when im 40 as i was when i was 17. Everythings changed.. and i hate it. They were the only 2 people i could ever count on for the longest time. I keep trying to call ian because he called for me a few days ago but I can never get thru. I know jon already left and feel terrible for not at least getting a goodbye visit in b4 he did.. i just didnt know how i could do it after everything that happened with us in october. I felt so used but loved at the same time.. and i dont know which it was.. and it scares me.
It's almost summer.. it's time for us to have our old times back.. walking around baden in the wee hours jumping off walls, playing with fire and acting like idiots..
why cant i have that back? or maybe i can? maybe we can.. but somehow since Jon has a Daughter now, Ian is in College and I'm here..trying to figure out what to do with my life.. i don't see it happening.. but maybe we can pretend.. just for one day.
<3