All over the place today...
Ain't Nuthin Up.
I was in a show called "The Robber Bridegroom" once and one of the songs was titled "Ain't Nuthin Up." It opens with:
Ain't Nuthin Up
Another damn day of Nuthin Up
I'm tight in my skin
And hot in my clothes
And Lord, God knows
it's cause
Ain't Nuthin Up.
That's how I'm feeling lately.
I feel like I need an adventure - of the good kind. I probably just need my vacation; it's not too long now - April 7-14. I'm psyched. And I need it so badly. Seven days of catering only to myself; figuring out what "my" needs are and making plans to revive my life as a single woman. A single parent.
Yesterday I interviewed for a job that I've been performing since July. I'm a contractor, and the government person, who was my immediate supervisor, left the job in July, and I was appointed "Acting" Lead Editor, and yesterday I interviewed for this position for the government. I applied and was deemed "qualified" as a GS-13, which was good news. It would really suck if I didn't get this job and had to hand over all the new processes and databases I put in place. They're very happy with me, and I'm one of the few people I know that actually loves her job. It would really suck to have to turn it all over and be that person's subordinate. I won't know for a few weeks. Well, I did the interview, so the decision-making process is all out of my hands now.
I got a sitter for Saturday night - overnight. I need someone to play with.
I wish I would get out of this strange "thing" that I have about letting people other than family into my house. Sometimes I feel like since I tore up Frankie's home by moving to another house, I have to keep it sacrosanct for him. But I love to entertain, and I miss having friends over to eat my food and drink my drinks and play loud music and laugh a lot. I certainly deserve that. I can't figure out why I hesitate to do it. I'm like afraid that when Frankie comes back from his Dad's house, he'll "feel" that I had good times without him, and not be comfortable with thinking that Mommy has fun in that house without him. I need to think about that some more. I don't think it makes sense, but I've been this way for 2-1/2 years. And I think that it's hurting me in the long run, because I believe that it's the people you surround yourself with in your house that help to make it a "home." Maybe that's part of it. Maybe I'm still not sure if I can accept this is "home" yet. I need to figure this out.
I'm in a play called "Pippin" right now. It's fun. It's strange. As my first impression, the group here is a bit more "clique-ey" than Port Tobacco Players, and I'm not sure what to do with that. I know they don't know me, but I don't like the fact that they seem to "assume" that I've never done theater before. Frankly, I'm not too impressed with a couple of the performances so far (we're still in the early rehearsal stage, so I shouldn't judge yet), but it's those same people that seem to want to "help" me, and I kinda just want to say "get the plank out of your own eye before you look at the splinter in mine." But that would be rude. So I'll just deal, and see how it goes. There's a lot of good ideas happening, and I look forward to rehearsals, so that's a good thing.
Yesterday a director called me to be in a show she's directing. I'm so flattered. It's a small role, but from what I read of the play, it looks really interesting. Unfortunately, I can't do it because the last two performance weekends of "Pippin" is the first two performance weekends of her show. It's nice to have a director call me, though. I hope she keeps me in mind.
Frankie's father is a jerk. No kidding, huh? He called to tell me that he can't pick up Frankie this weekend (hence my finding a babysitter so I can play) because he had a death "in the family." Turns out the "family" death is the son-in-law of his live in girlfriend, and right now they are "dealing with the shock of it all and the funeral." I'm not insensitive or anything, but when I was married to him, my mother died. And on the day she died, he chose to invite his friends over and entertain. They ordered take-out and played cards well into the night, while I sat upstairs and cried. On the day of my mother's funeral, I had to leave the repast after the funeral early, because we needed to pick up his mother who was feeling down that day, because she missed her mother that has passed about 10 years prior, and my mother's funeral brought up all her old feelings. We spent the rest of the evening of my mother's funeral consoling his mother. So you'll have to excuse me for not really "feeling" this situation he's in.
I'm antsy.
At least it's Friday!!!
I was in a show called "The Robber Bridegroom" once and one of the songs was titled "Ain't Nuthin Up." It opens with:
Ain't Nuthin Up
Another damn day of Nuthin Up
I'm tight in my skin
And hot in my clothes
And Lord, God knows
it's cause
Ain't Nuthin Up.
That's how I'm feeling lately.
I feel like I need an adventure - of the good kind. I probably just need my vacation; it's not too long now - April 7-14. I'm psyched. And I need it so badly. Seven days of catering only to myself; figuring out what "my" needs are and making plans to revive my life as a single woman. A single parent.
Yesterday I interviewed for a job that I've been performing since July. I'm a contractor, and the government person, who was my immediate supervisor, left the job in July, and I was appointed "Acting" Lead Editor, and yesterday I interviewed for this position for the government. I applied and was deemed "qualified" as a GS-13, which was good news. It would really suck if I didn't get this job and had to hand over all the new processes and databases I put in place. They're very happy with me, and I'm one of the few people I know that actually loves her job. It would really suck to have to turn it all over and be that person's subordinate. I won't know for a few weeks. Well, I did the interview, so the decision-making process is all out of my hands now.
I got a sitter for Saturday night - overnight. I need someone to play with.
I wish I would get out of this strange "thing" that I have about letting people other than family into my house. Sometimes I feel like since I tore up Frankie's home by moving to another house, I have to keep it sacrosanct for him. But I love to entertain, and I miss having friends over to eat my food and drink my drinks and play loud music and laugh a lot. I certainly deserve that. I can't figure out why I hesitate to do it. I'm like afraid that when Frankie comes back from his Dad's house, he'll "feel" that I had good times without him, and not be comfortable with thinking that Mommy has fun in that house without him. I need to think about that some more. I don't think it makes sense, but I've been this way for 2-1/2 years. And I think that it's hurting me in the long run, because I believe that it's the people you surround yourself with in your house that help to make it a "home." Maybe that's part of it. Maybe I'm still not sure if I can accept this is "home" yet. I need to figure this out.
I'm in a play called "Pippin" right now. It's fun. It's strange. As my first impression, the group here is a bit more "clique-ey" than Port Tobacco Players, and I'm not sure what to do with that. I know they don't know me, but I don't like the fact that they seem to "assume" that I've never done theater before. Frankly, I'm not too impressed with a couple of the performances so far (we're still in the early rehearsal stage, so I shouldn't judge yet), but it's those same people that seem to want to "help" me, and I kinda just want to say "get the plank out of your own eye before you look at the splinter in mine." But that would be rude. So I'll just deal, and see how it goes. There's a lot of good ideas happening, and I look forward to rehearsals, so that's a good thing.
Yesterday a director called me to be in a show she's directing. I'm so flattered. It's a small role, but from what I read of the play, it looks really interesting. Unfortunately, I can't do it because the last two performance weekends of "Pippin" is the first two performance weekends of her show. It's nice to have a director call me, though. I hope she keeps me in mind.
Frankie's father is a jerk. No kidding, huh? He called to tell me that he can't pick up Frankie this weekend (hence my finding a babysitter so I can play) because he had a death "in the family." Turns out the "family" death is the son-in-law of his live in girlfriend, and right now they are "dealing with the shock of it all and the funeral." I'm not insensitive or anything, but when I was married to him, my mother died. And on the day she died, he chose to invite his friends over and entertain. They ordered take-out and played cards well into the night, while I sat upstairs and cried. On the day of my mother's funeral, I had to leave the repast after the funeral early, because we needed to pick up his mother who was feeling down that day, because she missed her mother that has passed about 10 years prior, and my mother's funeral brought up all her old feelings. We spent the rest of the evening of my mother's funeral consoling his mother. So you'll have to excuse me for not really "feeling" this situation he's in.
I'm antsy.
At least it's Friday!!!