(no subject)
I really don’t judge, but…
Ok - I have this coworker, whom I adore, who keeps a running commentary about her life to me. I don’t mind so much, it’s just that I don’t know what to say most of the time, because I don’t particularly like what she tells me. But I get the impression that she needs someone to talk to.
She’s married, has two twin daughters who are seniors in high school, and she has a boyfriend. She gets so excited when she’s going to South Carolina to go see this boyfriend. Her husband has strong suspicions about her boyfriend (I’ve told her that they are no longer “suspicions”) and tries to find a way to keep her home when he knows she’s traveling. By all accounts, her husband has in no way been a model husband.
This morning’s issue:
She got back last weekend from one of her “weekends away” with said boyfriend. She and boyfriend had a fight because even though they shared a hotel room on Friday and Saturday, she spent Sunday with her sisters, and when she got back to the hotel room, he was mad because he gave up his weekend with his son to be with her, and she spent Sunday away from him. So she left to come home early on Sunday due to the fight. She “doesn’t know what’s wrong with him…”
Monday she had a planned surgery and was out all week for recovery. After the surgery, while in the hospital the husband said that maybe they should talk and try to figure out a way to make their marriage work. She didn’t want to talk, because she was still in pain from the surgery and she was upset about the fight with the boyfriend (she didn’t tell him that part, of course) so she was in no mood to “deal with all of this.”
Her question to me:
“What’s wrong with these people?”
Gulp!
Where do I even begin?
I asked her if she was really asking me this question. She said “yes!” and claimed she didn’t understand.
I started with the fact that her husband knew she was going under the knife and knew she was going to spend the couple of days before going under the knife with another man, and that may have made him think about things. Her response: “He should have known she would be in pain and wouldn’t want to talk.” I dropped it.
I then said that maybe her boyfriend was a little put off because she talked about the trip for weeks, and he must have assumed that he would have all of her time. She said that he knows she has sisters there, and friends there, and he should understand that she wants to see everyone. I told her that as much as she talked about the trip, she never even mentioned to me that she was going to be with other people even socially, so was it possible that she may not have mentioned it to him either? Her response: “No.” I dropped it.
I then told her that maybe he was upset about missing time with his son, and was mad at himself for making that kind of decision when you weren’t going to be there all the time. Her response: “He can’t spend one day away from his son to see me?”
I couldn’t drop this one.
I pretty much said “Listen. On this one you’re talking to the wrong person here. As a single mom, I know how much I rely on the schedule that I and my son’s father make to plan my life. If he backed out at the last minute, chances are his son’s mother did what I would have done, and that would have been to give him a really, REALLY hard time about breaking a date with his son - I don’t care what the reason is, you don’t do it. No one should be more important in his life than God and his son. And that’s reality, and that’s the way it is. And that’s parenthood. His ears were probably still ringing from the tongue-lashing she gave him - rightfully so - and he didn’t have you around to distract him from that fact.”
She left my desk in a huff. Maybe I won’t have to worry about hearing about the rest of the situation anymore.
Ok - I have this coworker, whom I adore, who keeps a running commentary about her life to me. I don’t mind so much, it’s just that I don’t know what to say most of the time, because I don’t particularly like what she tells me. But I get the impression that she needs someone to talk to.
She’s married, has two twin daughters who are seniors in high school, and she has a boyfriend. She gets so excited when she’s going to South Carolina to go see this boyfriend. Her husband has strong suspicions about her boyfriend (I’ve told her that they are no longer “suspicions”) and tries to find a way to keep her home when he knows she’s traveling. By all accounts, her husband has in no way been a model husband.
This morning’s issue:
She got back last weekend from one of her “weekends away” with said boyfriend. She and boyfriend had a fight because even though they shared a hotel room on Friday and Saturday, she spent Sunday with her sisters, and when she got back to the hotel room, he was mad because he gave up his weekend with his son to be with her, and she spent Sunday away from him. So she left to come home early on Sunday due to the fight. She “doesn’t know what’s wrong with him…”
Monday she had a planned surgery and was out all week for recovery. After the surgery, while in the hospital the husband said that maybe they should talk and try to figure out a way to make their marriage work. She didn’t want to talk, because she was still in pain from the surgery and she was upset about the fight with the boyfriend (she didn’t tell him that part, of course) so she was in no mood to “deal with all of this.”
Her question to me:
“What’s wrong with these people?”
Gulp!
Where do I even begin?
I asked her if she was really asking me this question. She said “yes!” and claimed she didn’t understand.
I started with the fact that her husband knew she was going under the knife and knew she was going to spend the couple of days before going under the knife with another man, and that may have made him think about things. Her response: “He should have known she would be in pain and wouldn’t want to talk.” I dropped it.
I then said that maybe her boyfriend was a little put off because she talked about the trip for weeks, and he must have assumed that he would have all of her time. She said that he knows she has sisters there, and friends there, and he should understand that she wants to see everyone. I told her that as much as she talked about the trip, she never even mentioned to me that she was going to be with other people even socially, so was it possible that she may not have mentioned it to him either? Her response: “No.” I dropped it.
I then told her that maybe he was upset about missing time with his son, and was mad at himself for making that kind of decision when you weren’t going to be there all the time. Her response: “He can’t spend one day away from his son to see me?”
I couldn’t drop this one.
I pretty much said “Listen. On this one you’re talking to the wrong person here. As a single mom, I know how much I rely on the schedule that I and my son’s father make to plan my life. If he backed out at the last minute, chances are his son’s mother did what I would have done, and that would have been to give him a really, REALLY hard time about breaking a date with his son - I don’t care what the reason is, you don’t do it. No one should be more important in his life than God and his son. And that’s reality, and that’s the way it is. And that’s parenthood. His ears were probably still ringing from the tongue-lashing she gave him - rightfully so - and he didn’t have you around to distract him from that fact.”
She left my desk in a huff. Maybe I won’t have to worry about hearing about the rest of the situation anymore.