I blaim nothing or no one but creation.

[velvetmoi]

Ok not much to say. Doing the home life thing. Doing the work thing. Keeping everyone hooked up with the fun. Uhm, trying to keep my cool in the face of adversity. True thing is, I feel useless and hopeless. I have nothing to offer the world and my realization of how many millions have and will die and no one will know their name...doesn't help much. I am not a scientist nor a prophet. I am not a great writer nor am I a philosopher. I feel that if I died tomorrow no one would really care, nor would they miss me. Those who know me now would move on and do their thing without me, or as just a memory. I think of all those I have known that have died. I think of all those spirits who linger and have no point to existence and feel the same way. I don't even question anymore, I just realize there is no point. Sure I will work and live and survive but that's it. What point is there to try and save money and have a big home when it all just gets left behind. Why bother with any of this? I have lived a full life, I have known love and hate, wealth and poverty. I have seen high mountains and low valleys. I have flown high above the clouds and traveled under the sea, well been diving. The things I have not done, I don't really care to do. I guess some people are right, I am happy just to die here in this place. I gave up a lot this year, sometimes I feel what I gave up is what made me feel alive, then again what I gave up was going to kill me. The only person I really care for seems more and more troubled by my thoughts and mind as time passes. Sadness comes to those who let it and I do not. While these feelings are not happy they are not sad at the same time. They are as I am BLAH! I go to school and try to keep my mind in a good place, but again I go back to why bother. I am getting older and older and nothing works out for me, no one really puts as much into things as I often do and no one seems to care about anything I do. I try and try and nothing comes, I wish and pray and nothing comes true. I hope and dream and they always fade to black. I cannot wait till I'm six feet under in the deepest black.

Well that's it for another day, that's all I have on my mind and really it doesn't matter.
To say the least I am not happy, with my life or anyone's, because everything I enjoy is wrong.