for "mini_nanowrimo" hence no friends lock 9
i literally got int he door from shopping half an hour ago. i thought about taking a zero for today but fuck it, i had a good day. if slightly melancholy [and full of swearing?!] so here it is.
this is non-fiction about today. and about Other Things
There are two hours left until the deadline and she is nowhere near to being done. She has just started, she has just changed into the clothes she bought at the mall after shopping, nearly nonstop, for eight hours. She is full and sore and feeling a little bit nostalgic after so much time spend with family she hardly ever sees.
She has things to write but when her eyes close she sees the view of the lights of Toronto from the highway. She is taken back to summers ago, driving home after a long concert with her friends, whom she would lose only days later. She is unsurprised to feel a little pang but every day it is easier, every day it hurts less . . . it easier to mask the hurt as another emotion.
She breaks the silence in the rattling truck and laughs before launching into a story about a wedding they all attended a decade ago.
The conversation shifts, becomes a tangent of a tangent of a tangent and she is lost to her memories and day dreams. She watches her reflection out the foggy window, in the backseat, and wonders about the lives of people she hasn't seen in years. She wonders what her family thinks of her. She knows they like her enough to invite her but do they think she is ambitious? Probably no one, in any family, would accuse her of ambition. They talk about mutual funds and paying for college and finishing grade seven. She doesn't fit in but it's been more than twenty years, she should be used to it. She wonders how hurt she would be if she could hear what they say about her?
"She's nice, of course, but . . . "
And, of course, it is always worse than that. She knows. She imagines but she doesn't want to know. She doesn't want to do anything to change their option either so she pushes the feeling down and away. After all the times she has questioned and felt insecure, every day it is easier to mask the hurt with any other emotion.
report on shopping later.
this is non-fiction about today. and about Other Things
There are two hours left until the deadline and she is nowhere near to being done. She has just started, she has just changed into the clothes she bought at the mall after shopping, nearly nonstop, for eight hours. She is full and sore and feeling a little bit nostalgic after so much time spend with family she hardly ever sees.
She has things to write but when her eyes close she sees the view of the lights of Toronto from the highway. She is taken back to summers ago, driving home after a long concert with her friends, whom she would lose only days later. She is unsurprised to feel a little pang but every day it is easier, every day it hurts less . . . it easier to mask the hurt as another emotion.
She breaks the silence in the rattling truck and laughs before launching into a story about a wedding they all attended a decade ago.
The conversation shifts, becomes a tangent of a tangent of a tangent and she is lost to her memories and day dreams. She watches her reflection out the foggy window, in the backseat, and wonders about the lives of people she hasn't seen in years. She wonders what her family thinks of her. She knows they like her enough to invite her but do they think she is ambitious? Probably no one, in any family, would accuse her of ambition. They talk about mutual funds and paying for college and finishing grade seven. She doesn't fit in but it's been more than twenty years, she should be used to it. She wonders how hurt she would be if she could hear what they say about her?
"She's nice, of course, but . . . "
And, of course, it is always worse than that. She knows. She imagines but she doesn't want to know. She doesn't want to do anything to change their option either so she pushes the feeling down and away. After all the times she has questioned and felt insecure, every day it is easier to mask the hurt with any other emotion.
report on shopping later.