(no subject)
Time for an update. Nothing too new, just doing the same ol' get wasted whenever, hang out with friends, blah blah blah.
I had a great conversation with D last night. Started out with her saying "Its all about how you are in love with Chris, dude." And I looked at her, and paused, and said "Please dont tell me you read that off of me." She told me it was so apparent between the two of us it was rediculous. Just the way we look at each other is enough for her to realize it, she said. Wow. Ive never had someone tell me that before. Ever. (The other night, we were at Bob's, having fun, getting loaded...((and for the second time, this happened also while we were camping))as he woke up the next morning, still groggy and possibly not that coherent, he said that he loved me. I haven't told him he's said it, though. This was proceeding him having a moment earlier where he was missing his dad a whole lot, and he sat with me in his lap, we talked about it, and just asked me to hold him for a minute. ((And according to Dalana...he doesn't talk about his dad to anyone.))) The crazy thing is...She's right and I'm not freaked out at all. Normally my ass would run for the hills.
I didn't think I was capable of ever feeling like this for someone. And with me, to say that I genuinely, HONESTLY, whole-heartedly feel this way for someone means that I actually do. Mostly my intentions and emotions have been selfishly motivated- I've always been more preoccupied with what I wanted or needed before ever thinking about someone else first (minus my friends, of course)- I always thought that that was just the way I was, and it would never change. Imagine my fucking shock to realize that not only am I capable of it, but that it has happened this fast, and without any apprehension. It is the most amazing feeling in the world. I have never felt this at peace with myself.
D and I's conversations help me out more than I can say, because even though I know how I feel, how I react, what I expect for myself and from him, its hard to have a conversation like that with Chris because this is so new and I don't want to jump the gun. She gave me such encouragement and understanding last night. Not just for myself, but she also gave me an insight and understanding of Chris that I probably wouldn't be able to get on my own, not in the amount of time we have together before I leave. And I'm so glad we are on common ground with the Marine Corps. I don't even worry about the time we are going to be apart. I'll miss him terribly...but something about this whole situation tells me I have nothing to worry about in terms of distance/time. (BTW we're going to San Diego next weekend, for a few days. He's meeting my Uncle Don and Aunt Sheree, and the kids. They are going to adore him.) I am seriously so blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life. Okay. Nuff emo.
Ska show tonight in Downey...the Allintins, Irie Beats, and a few others I don't know the name of. Ladies night. So fun. D made about 100 jello shots plus a few bottles of other stuff so we can party like rock stars. Team Awesome in effect tonight.
PZ.
I had a great conversation with D last night. Started out with her saying "Its all about how you are in love with Chris, dude." And I looked at her, and paused, and said "Please dont tell me you read that off of me." She told me it was so apparent between the two of us it was rediculous. Just the way we look at each other is enough for her to realize it, she said. Wow. Ive never had someone tell me that before. Ever. (The other night, we were at Bob's, having fun, getting loaded...((and for the second time, this happened also while we were camping))as he woke up the next morning, still groggy and possibly not that coherent, he said that he loved me. I haven't told him he's said it, though. This was proceeding him having a moment earlier where he was missing his dad a whole lot, and he sat with me in his lap, we talked about it, and just asked me to hold him for a minute. ((And according to Dalana...he doesn't talk about his dad to anyone.))) The crazy thing is...She's right and I'm not freaked out at all. Normally my ass would run for the hills.
I didn't think I was capable of ever feeling like this for someone. And with me, to say that I genuinely, HONESTLY, whole-heartedly feel this way for someone means that I actually do. Mostly my intentions and emotions have been selfishly motivated- I've always been more preoccupied with what I wanted or needed before ever thinking about someone else first (minus my friends, of course)- I always thought that that was just the way I was, and it would never change. Imagine my fucking shock to realize that not only am I capable of it, but that it has happened this fast, and without any apprehension. It is the most amazing feeling in the world. I have never felt this at peace with myself.
D and I's conversations help me out more than I can say, because even though I know how I feel, how I react, what I expect for myself and from him, its hard to have a conversation like that with Chris because this is so new and I don't want to jump the gun. She gave me such encouragement and understanding last night. Not just for myself, but she also gave me an insight and understanding of Chris that I probably wouldn't be able to get on my own, not in the amount of time we have together before I leave. And I'm so glad we are on common ground with the Marine Corps. I don't even worry about the time we are going to be apart. I'll miss him terribly...but something about this whole situation tells me I have nothing to worry about in terms of distance/time. (BTW we're going to San Diego next weekend, for a few days. He's meeting my Uncle Don and Aunt Sheree, and the kids. They are going to adore him.) I am seriously so blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life. Okay. Nuff emo.
Ska show tonight in Downey...the Allintins, Irie Beats, and a few others I don't know the name of. Ladies night. So fun. D made about 100 jello shots plus a few bottles of other stuff so we can party like rock stars. Team Awesome in effect tonight.
PZ.