COPENHAGEN DEATH THREAT
I'm still not really back to normal after 48 HOURS OF RAUNCHY. Something as monumental as this obviously casts a shadow, and that's where I am right now. In the shadows, waiting for Raunchy to return.
Before Raunchy, we went to see Amorphis in Manchester. Due to traffic problems, we were unable to visit the aviation viewing park as I'd planned, which upset me greatly. The traffic was pretty bad everywhere, as you would expect when the Manchester derby is on, but we made it to the venue with time to spare. When we got to the Academy 3 it was swarming with fringes, stretched lobes and skinny jeans; we later found out that "Kids In Glass Houses" were playing at one of the bigger rooms. As we walked in, the generic big bald guy on the door said to us, "it's okay, you're safe from the emo kids in here", which was a nice (and subculturally appropriate) touch, and it made me want to use his security services for my next party or conference.
It was pretty empty when we got there, and no wonder! Firstly, the doors had been moved forward by half an hour. Secondly there was no warning that the gig was IN A LIGHTHOUSE! I had to walk all the way up a winding winding staircase and I thought I was going to be sick. What is this, the Tower Of London? Anyway, loads of people died on the way up but it was too late for a refund by then. It did give the survivors a bit of elbow room, however.
So Ghost Brigade were the first band on. They weren't all that good to be honest, but it was nice that a lot of people in the crowd seemed to know them. It made it all feel that little bit more cult-like, so I give them 5/5 overall. What I realised after Ghost Brigade was that this place was only charging £1.50 for a bacardi & coke!! Can you believe? I couldn't believe.
When Orphaned Land came on, the woman standing next to me said to her friend, "oooooh it's like Egyptian music!" and she then spent most of the evening dancing in, presumably, an Egyptian way. I couldn't really tell because she was quite out of sync with the music (as well as the cultural sensitivities).
So what can I say about Orphaned Land. I heard they're from Israel. I think the problem I have with them is that I just don't like the kind of music they play. They said, "this is how we do heavy metal in the Middle East!" but have they consulted Melechesh on this? Well anyway they seemed to enjoy themselves, and they are probably really nice people so I'll give them 5/5 just for that.
It was at this point that I started to wonder why I was there. We went to see Amorphis last year at The Underworld and it wasn't that good, so how did I end up at another Amorphis gig standing next to a dancing midget and a guy wearing a Linkin Park t-shirt? Then I realised, it's because Greg brought me here. You see, I just sit in the car. HE does the driving. We could have gone to the Cotswolds! In the future I'll have to remember to tamper with the sat nav, but that was no use to me as Amorphis appeared on the stage.
Of course, they were good. A little too good, maybe, because if I closed my eyes I could have been listening to a CD. I don't expect Tomi to do a "COME ON MOTHERFUCKERS ARE YOU WITH ME?!" thing during the quiet bits, but some indication of non-robotic life would have been appreciated. The rest of the band looked like they'd just entered rigor mortis, which didn't help. Of course they received near hero-worship from the crowd, especially from the man who shouted "you sound like a unicorn!" to Tomi. My own analogy had more to do with potatoes, and sacks of them, but I kept that to myself.
Oh, and they nearly butchered "Alone" this time. The other songs were okay though.
When it was finished, we couldn't find the exit and ended up in the merch room where Orphaned Land were showing people how they do t-shirts in the Middle East. We ran away. Outside the venue a man with no teeth asked Greg for some money, and Greg gave him 50p or something and he was really happy. Greg always gives money to homeless people these days, ever since I told him that one day, it could be Anders Friden sitting there on the kerb in piss-soaked cargo pants.
So that was Amorphis, I give it 5/5 overall.
Then it was time for Raunchy! I have wanted to see Raunchy ever since I got the first re-release of Velvet Noise in 2002 (there have been two more re-releases since, probably due to demand). We got to Bournemouth about two hours early and I told Greg that under no circumstances must he fall asleep because I'm sick of him falling asleep all the time and leaving me with no one to talk to. Then I fell asleep.
SO. The venue for the evening was just like a pub, but one with no windows or old people slumped in the corner. It's apparently trying to establish itself as a music venue, and I have one piece of advice: ditch the carpet. This isn't a departure lounge. Don't get me wrong, I like carpet a lot, but carpeted venues never feel right, and I always gasp in horror every time somebody spills their drink. It'll take AGES to get that out.
Well anyway, there weren't many people there because who are Threat Signal anyway? The first band were called M.A.N and they informed us that they are from Gothenburg, Sweden. A city so notable that even a complete n00b knows what "the Gothenburg sound" is. We did laugh when we realised that M.A.N were actually a comedy act, performing a well observed Coal Chamber parody! Then we realised that no one else was laughing. They can't possibly be serious, can they? Nu-metal in 2010? But it's true! From the styling to the "motherfucking" to the downtuning and the terrible songs, this is nu-metal. Well, apart from the guitarist, who missed the Amon Amarth bus and ended up here.
It was quaint, and about twelve years too late, but everyone else seemed to love them (Threat Signal fans must have that kind of gaping music taste where anything goes, as long as they can do that silly pecking chicken dance to it).
Sybreed were next, and they looked pissed off. I don't think they were pleased with the sound, and the sound guy wasn't doing much to help. They just sort of came on, looked angry, played some songs that were lost in the bad sound, and left. While looking angry.
But whatever, who cares, time for Raunchy. I'd been convinced that somehow this wouldn't happen; that they'd cancel or we wouldn't be able to go, or we'd die on the way there. The only slight hiccup had been that their main vocalist Kasper From Raunchy had pulled out at short notice for personal reasons, and that was upsetting because Kasper From Raunchy is really good. At something. Probably. What we didn't realise was that their keyboard player/clean vocalist also wouldn't be joining them... and neither would one of the guitarists. So we had three members of Raunchy (mostly called Jesper), one member of Divine Heresy, one touring guitarist for Mnemic, and an iPod with a backing track. A modern band, if you will.
As soon as they started playing the ~amazing~ "Blueprints For Lost Sounds", I knew it was going to be okay. Travis actually did a really good job as the frontman. He was singing along to a backing track but I don't think he really needed it; it cut out after a couple of songs anyway (technical difficulties were a theme of the night). He was handling ALL the vocals too. To make things even better, they played a really good set:
Blueprints for Lost Sounds
The Bash
Join The Scene
The Curse of Bravery
Rumours of Worship
Phantoms
It's just a shame they couldn't have played for longer :( It's not like anyone else was there. I don't see why they couldn't have stayed on instead of Threat Signal because, who are Threat Signal anyway?
After Raunchy we had a nice little chat with Travis and he was so nice and he sold me a t-shirt which I paid for with Greg's money. I also got a photo with some of Raunchy! It was amazing. Then Threat Signal came on and everyone seemed to like them, so all in all it was probably a life-changing moment for everyone and not just me.
When we went back to the hotel we had a very important discussion. I wanted more Raunchy but we had to go home the next morning. We decided to just hang around and go to the next gig in Southampton, which is only about 30 miles from Bournemouth. It was the right thing to do, Kasper would have wanted it. Of course, that meant that we had to spend the entire day in Southampton with nothing to do, but that was no problem for us, because we're made of fun. We went to Pizza Hut.
AND THEN
We went to Debenhams.
Oh but oh! Greg did a massive poo in the Debenhams toilet, and everybody had to be evacuated! We had to stand outside the shop at the designated assembly point while firemen fought the noxious gases and paramedics tended to the casualties. We decided to sneak off before they got the DNA evidence. We went to Frankie & Benny's, where they gave me a horrible drink that tasted of dishwater, and a side salad. It was one of my better Frankie & Benny experiences and let me tell you this -- I've had some pretty good times there.
So onward to a delightful pub called Joiners in Southampton. This was more like it -- a tiny little room round the back with black walls and a distinct smell of piss. Just like home. The sound was much better here too, and we got the chance to be stunned all over again at M.A.N. Sybreed were much better this time, they seemed happier and sounded great. Raunchy were still the best though, and they played some different songs this time:
Blueprints for Lost Sounds
I Get What I See
Nght Prty
Join The Scene
Rumours of Worship
Warriors
Phantoms
All in all it was spectacular. We had to rush off home but we were in bed by 1.15, which is actually slightly earlier than usual...
So what can I conclude from this monumental experience? I feel like I learned so much, and I've come out of this a better person. The gigs and the new album have completely restored my faith in Raunchy. I now fully accept Kasper as a proper member of the band (even though he wasn't there). I was just as excited to hear "Phantoms" as "Join The Scene", and I think that is very profound. Not only that, but "A Discord Electric" is the perfect remedy to the disappointment I felt after "Wasteland Discotheque"; as I say to a tearful Greg every time In Flames release a new album, "not every album can be their best". Unlike In Flames Raunchy have bounced right back, right into my cold, black heart.
I feel it fitting to end this heartwarming entry with a video of M.A.N's great composition, titled "My Own Sickness". Down with the... summer... oh, shove it?
Before Raunchy, we went to see Amorphis in Manchester. Due to traffic problems, we were unable to visit the aviation viewing park as I'd planned, which upset me greatly. The traffic was pretty bad everywhere, as you would expect when the Manchester derby is on, but we made it to the venue with time to spare. When we got to the Academy 3 it was swarming with fringes, stretched lobes and skinny jeans; we later found out that "Kids In Glass Houses" were playing at one of the bigger rooms. As we walked in, the generic big bald guy on the door said to us, "it's okay, you're safe from the emo kids in here", which was a nice (and subculturally appropriate) touch, and it made me want to use his security services for my next party or conference.
It was pretty empty when we got there, and no wonder! Firstly, the doors had been moved forward by half an hour. Secondly there was no warning that the gig was IN A LIGHTHOUSE! I had to walk all the way up a winding winding staircase and I thought I was going to be sick. What is this, the Tower Of London? Anyway, loads of people died on the way up but it was too late for a refund by then. It did give the survivors a bit of elbow room, however.
So Ghost Brigade were the first band on. They weren't all that good to be honest, but it was nice that a lot of people in the crowd seemed to know them. It made it all feel that little bit more cult-like, so I give them 5/5 overall. What I realised after Ghost Brigade was that this place was only charging £1.50 for a bacardi & coke!! Can you believe? I couldn't believe.
When Orphaned Land came on, the woman standing next to me said to her friend, "oooooh it's like Egyptian music!" and she then spent most of the evening dancing in, presumably, an Egyptian way. I couldn't really tell because she was quite out of sync with the music (as well as the cultural sensitivities).
So what can I say about Orphaned Land. I heard they're from Israel. I think the problem I have with them is that I just don't like the kind of music they play. They said, "this is how we do heavy metal in the Middle East!" but have they consulted Melechesh on this? Well anyway they seemed to enjoy themselves, and they are probably really nice people so I'll give them 5/5 just for that.
It was at this point that I started to wonder why I was there. We went to see Amorphis last year at The Underworld and it wasn't that good, so how did I end up at another Amorphis gig standing next to a dancing midget and a guy wearing a Linkin Park t-shirt? Then I realised, it's because Greg brought me here. You see, I just sit in the car. HE does the driving. We could have gone to the Cotswolds! In the future I'll have to remember to tamper with the sat nav, but that was no use to me as Amorphis appeared on the stage.
Of course, they were good. A little too good, maybe, because if I closed my eyes I could have been listening to a CD. I don't expect Tomi to do a "COME ON MOTHERFUCKERS ARE YOU WITH ME?!" thing during the quiet bits, but some indication of non-robotic life would have been appreciated. The rest of the band looked like they'd just entered rigor mortis, which didn't help. Of course they received near hero-worship from the crowd, especially from the man who shouted "you sound like a unicorn!" to Tomi. My own analogy had more to do with potatoes, and sacks of them, but I kept that to myself.
Oh, and they nearly butchered "Alone" this time. The other songs were okay though.
When it was finished, we couldn't find the exit and ended up in the merch room where Orphaned Land were showing people how they do t-shirts in the Middle East. We ran away. Outside the venue a man with no teeth asked Greg for some money, and Greg gave him 50p or something and he was really happy. Greg always gives money to homeless people these days, ever since I told him that one day, it could be Anders Friden sitting there on the kerb in piss-soaked cargo pants.
So that was Amorphis, I give it 5/5 overall.
Then it was time for Raunchy! I have wanted to see Raunchy ever since I got the first re-release of Velvet Noise in 2002 (there have been two more re-releases since, probably due to demand). We got to Bournemouth about two hours early and I told Greg that under no circumstances must he fall asleep because I'm sick of him falling asleep all the time and leaving me with no one to talk to. Then I fell asleep.
SO. The venue for the evening was just like a pub, but one with no windows or old people slumped in the corner. It's apparently trying to establish itself as a music venue, and I have one piece of advice: ditch the carpet. This isn't a departure lounge. Don't get me wrong, I like carpet a lot, but carpeted venues never feel right, and I always gasp in horror every time somebody spills their drink. It'll take AGES to get that out.
Well anyway, there weren't many people there because who are Threat Signal anyway? The first band were called M.A.N and they informed us that they are from Gothenburg, Sweden. A city so notable that even a complete n00b knows what "the Gothenburg sound" is. We did laugh when we realised that M.A.N were actually a comedy act, performing a well observed Coal Chamber parody! Then we realised that no one else was laughing. They can't possibly be serious, can they? Nu-metal in 2010? But it's true! From the styling to the "motherfucking" to the downtuning and the terrible songs, this is nu-metal. Well, apart from the guitarist, who missed the Amon Amarth bus and ended up here.
It was quaint, and about twelve years too late, but everyone else seemed to love them (Threat Signal fans must have that kind of gaping music taste where anything goes, as long as they can do that silly pecking chicken dance to it).
Sybreed were next, and they looked pissed off. I don't think they were pleased with the sound, and the sound guy wasn't doing much to help. They just sort of came on, looked angry, played some songs that were lost in the bad sound, and left. While looking angry.
But whatever, who cares, time for Raunchy. I'd been convinced that somehow this wouldn't happen; that they'd cancel or we wouldn't be able to go, or we'd die on the way there. The only slight hiccup had been that their main vocalist Kasper From Raunchy had pulled out at short notice for personal reasons, and that was upsetting because Kasper From Raunchy is really good. At something. Probably. What we didn't realise was that their keyboard player/clean vocalist also wouldn't be joining them... and neither would one of the guitarists. So we had three members of Raunchy (mostly called Jesper), one member of Divine Heresy, one touring guitarist for Mnemic, and an iPod with a backing track. A modern band, if you will.
As soon as they started playing the ~amazing~ "Blueprints For Lost Sounds", I knew it was going to be okay. Travis actually did a really good job as the frontman. He was singing along to a backing track but I don't think he really needed it; it cut out after a couple of songs anyway (technical difficulties were a theme of the night). He was handling ALL the vocals too. To make things even better, they played a really good set:
Blueprints for Lost Sounds
The Bash
Join The Scene
The Curse of Bravery
Rumours of Worship
Phantoms
It's just a shame they couldn't have played for longer :( It's not like anyone else was there. I don't see why they couldn't have stayed on instead of Threat Signal because, who are Threat Signal anyway?
After Raunchy we had a nice little chat with Travis and he was so nice and he sold me a t-shirt which I paid for with Greg's money. I also got a photo with some of Raunchy! It was amazing. Then Threat Signal came on and everyone seemed to like them, so all in all it was probably a life-changing moment for everyone and not just me.
When we went back to the hotel we had a very important discussion. I wanted more Raunchy but we had to go home the next morning. We decided to just hang around and go to the next gig in Southampton, which is only about 30 miles from Bournemouth. It was the right thing to do, Kasper would have wanted it. Of course, that meant that we had to spend the entire day in Southampton with nothing to do, but that was no problem for us, because we're made of fun. We went to Pizza Hut.
AND THEN
We went to Debenhams.
Oh but oh! Greg did a massive poo in the Debenhams toilet, and everybody had to be evacuated! We had to stand outside the shop at the designated assembly point while firemen fought the noxious gases and paramedics tended to the casualties. We decided to sneak off before they got the DNA evidence. We went to Frankie & Benny's, where they gave me a horrible drink that tasted of dishwater, and a side salad. It was one of my better Frankie & Benny experiences and let me tell you this -- I've had some pretty good times there.
So onward to a delightful pub called Joiners in Southampton. This was more like it -- a tiny little room round the back with black walls and a distinct smell of piss. Just like home. The sound was much better here too, and we got the chance to be stunned all over again at M.A.N. Sybreed were much better this time, they seemed happier and sounded great. Raunchy were still the best though, and they played some different songs this time:
Blueprints for Lost Sounds
I Get What I See
Nght Prty
Join The Scene
Rumours of Worship
Warriors
Phantoms
All in all it was spectacular. We had to rush off home but we were in bed by 1.15, which is actually slightly earlier than usual...
So what can I conclude from this monumental experience? I feel like I learned so much, and I've come out of this a better person. The gigs and the new album have completely restored my faith in Raunchy. I now fully accept Kasper as a proper member of the band (even though he wasn't there). I was just as excited to hear "Phantoms" as "Join The Scene", and I think that is very profound. Not only that, but "A Discord Electric" is the perfect remedy to the disappointment I felt after "Wasteland Discotheque"; as I say to a tearful Greg every time In Flames release a new album, "not every album can be their best". Unlike In Flames Raunchy have bounced right back, right into my cold, black heart.
I feel it fitting to end this heartwarming entry with a video of M.A.N's great composition, titled "My Own Sickness". Down with the... summer... oh, shove it?
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