Since PAWNS is so Freaking long
I thought I'd write a summary to get the newbies up to speed.
Here we go:
PAWNS the SHORT version:
(Rizenbul)
Al: YEA! I'm Flesh again!
Ed: YEA... oh poo, I still got the automail.
Al: OMG!!! Brother, the Fuhrer has gone power mad!
Ed: Eh. Whatever, I'm retired. (Puts on blindfold)
Al: Ooookay. Hmm. Now Brother can't see me making out with Winry. w00t!
Winry: Squee! (Smoochs Al)
Ed: I'm just going to wander aimlessly around the countryside for a while. (Almost bangs into door on the way out),
Al: (Smooch) Sure thing (smack) See you later. (Fondle).
Midnight: I'm coming to get you! Bwahahahahaha **cough, choke***
Al: OH NO!
Winry: OH NO!
Midnight: Bwahahahahah! I'm gonna make some slaves, Wanna help?
Al: Hell no.
Midnight: Okay, how about we heal people instead. Crazy people.
Al: Oh, then shoots, count me in!
Midnight: Great, you'll do all the work and I'll take all the credit.
Al: Mmm what's in it for me?
Midnight: You get to screw Winry.
Al: w00t! Where do I sign!
Winry: Squee!
(Jail)
Roy: Yawn. Bored. Horny.
Midnight: How about you help me turn you into a slave for the Fuhrer.
Roy: Um… Sure. Bwahahahaha.
Midnight: Wait, I'm pretty sure that was my line.
Roy: Uh… sure, yeah, that's right. My mistake (snicker).
(Rizembul)
Ed: Ok, I'm home! (home home home) What's that eerie echo? And why didn't Al pick up after the party? Oh no! Al's been kidnapped and it must be BECAUSE OF ME. (ANGST!!!!)
Midnight: Er… well… no. Actually, your brother's smarter than you--
Ed: No it's me. All me. Woe is me. What can I do to save him? I'll do ANYTHING! (GUILT!!!)
Midnight: Well, since you put it that way…. how about I take off your arm, throw you in jail with your horny ex-boss, and force you to work on my project to make slaves.
Ed: Sure whatever. Project to make what?
Midnight: Oh, never mind that last part. Doesn't concern you.
(At the lab)
Al: Oooh cute rat! (ZOT! Splatter!) Ooops. (ANGST!) Roy, you are my lab partner, but you do nothing. Comfort me.
Roy: Whoo! Sure! Al, you are getting sleepy, very sleepy - when I count to ten you will get down on your knees and…
Midnight (entering the room): Oh, Roy, I just put Ed in your jail cell. I now plan to leave the two of you all alone together and not pay any attention to whatsoever to what you do.
Roy: Oh! Well, then never mind that last order Al, how about you just do everything I say and worship me like a god?
Al: Yes master.
Midnight: Wait a second - you can make slaves without an array? Makes my work here kind of redundant!
Roy: Not at all, without you there would be no plot.
Midnight: Point taken.
(Somewhere in Central)
Winry: (Smooch smack slobber)
Al: (Smooch smack slobber) Oh, by the way, Master… I mean Roy wants you to become a thief and a traitor for him. Oh and get a tattoo.
Winry: Sure! Squee!
(In jail)
Roy: So, er, Ed are you legal yet?
Ed: Not quite.
Roy: Are you horny?
Ed: Er, no.
Roy: Well, I guess I'm enough of both for both of us. (Pounce)
Ed: Eeeek….ooooh… Oh, ROY!
(Midnights office)
Ashfell: ….
Midnight: What do you mean Roy is plotting to take over the world. Inconcievable!
Ashfell:….
Midnight: Of course I know what that word means!
(Al's room)
Al: Hey Midnight, now that I've demonstrated that I can make a slavery array work, how about you come up to my room … all by yourself… and let me get you drunk.
Midnight: I see nothing at all suspicious in this request. (Drinks a mickey)
Al: Good roll over and I'm going to tattoo something on your butt.
Midnight: Oh no, not an array! (Snooze)
AL: Well, actually I was going to tattoo "Al pwns Midnight," but I guess an array would make more sense.
(Next day.)
Al: Whoo hoo! I got me a man-slave! Sucks I'm not gay. Oh wait. Conscience. Wah! (ANGST!)
Midnight: Despite the fact that I came up with idea in the first place, and can feel the tattoo on my butt, I will choose to ignore everything and believe I'm still my own man. God I love denial!
Roy: I'm unspeakably jealous of Al. Not only does he get the girl, but he get's a manslave too. Well, Ed will just have to serve double duty.
Ed: Huh?
Roy: Make me slaves. Hup hup! Him - we'll start there.
Anonymous Guard: Huh?
Al: (ANGST!) Although I'm endangering myself and everyone I care about, I'm going to throw a hissy fit and refuse to do anything useful ever again.
Roy: Al, you are getting sleepy, very sleepy. Obey your god.
Al: Yes master.
Anonymous Guard: AAAAA! Oooh!
Roy: Bwahahahhahah!
Midnight: Now's probably not the best time to point out that this guy has nothing to do with forwarding the plot.
Roy: PWP?
Midnight: No no, that's Velvet Mace's OTHER fic.
Roy: NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!
Midnight: Well, except for Ashfell. And you are starting to really creep me out. I'm glad I got pwned by Al and not you.
Roy: Ashfell who?
Midnight: Er, the guy who has us all under 24 hour a day servailance.
Roy: Since when?
Midnight: Since the start of this fic. Oh, did I forget to tell you that?
Ashfell: OMGWTFBBQ!
OK. I lied. This makes no sense unless you've read my fic, but it had to come out. It just had to.
Here we go:
PAWNS the SHORT version:
(Rizenbul)
Al: YEA! I'm Flesh again!
Ed: YEA... oh poo, I still got the automail.
Al: OMG!!! Brother, the Fuhrer has gone power mad!
Ed: Eh. Whatever, I'm retired. (Puts on blindfold)
Al: Ooookay. Hmm. Now Brother can't see me making out with Winry. w00t!
Winry: Squee! (Smoochs Al)
Ed: I'm just going to wander aimlessly around the countryside for a while. (Almost bangs into door on the way out),
Al: (Smooch) Sure thing (smack) See you later. (Fondle).
Midnight: I'm coming to get you! Bwahahahahaha **cough, choke***
Al: OH NO!
Winry: OH NO!
Midnight: Bwahahahahah! I'm gonna make some slaves, Wanna help?
Al: Hell no.
Midnight: Okay, how about we heal people instead. Crazy people.
Al: Oh, then shoots, count me in!
Midnight: Great, you'll do all the work and I'll take all the credit.
Al: Mmm what's in it for me?
Midnight: You get to screw Winry.
Al: w00t! Where do I sign!
Winry: Squee!
(Jail)
Roy: Yawn. Bored. Horny.
Midnight: How about you help me turn you into a slave for the Fuhrer.
Roy: Um… Sure. Bwahahahaha.
Midnight: Wait, I'm pretty sure that was my line.
Roy: Uh… sure, yeah, that's right. My mistake (snicker).
(Rizembul)
Ed: Ok, I'm home! (home home home) What's that eerie echo? And why didn't Al pick up after the party? Oh no! Al's been kidnapped and it must be BECAUSE OF ME. (ANGST!!!!)
Midnight: Er… well… no. Actually, your brother's smarter than you--
Ed: No it's me. All me. Woe is me. What can I do to save him? I'll do ANYTHING! (GUILT!!!)
Midnight: Well, since you put it that way…. how about I take off your arm, throw you in jail with your horny ex-boss, and force you to work on my project to make slaves.
Ed: Sure whatever. Project to make what?
Midnight: Oh, never mind that last part. Doesn't concern you.
(At the lab)
Al: Oooh cute rat! (ZOT! Splatter!) Ooops. (ANGST!) Roy, you are my lab partner, but you do nothing. Comfort me.
Roy: Whoo! Sure! Al, you are getting sleepy, very sleepy - when I count to ten you will get down on your knees and…
Midnight (entering the room): Oh, Roy, I just put Ed in your jail cell. I now plan to leave the two of you all alone together and not pay any attention to whatsoever to what you do.
Roy: Oh! Well, then never mind that last order Al, how about you just do everything I say and worship me like a god?
Al: Yes master.
Midnight: Wait a second - you can make slaves without an array? Makes my work here kind of redundant!
Roy: Not at all, without you there would be no plot.
Midnight: Point taken.
(Somewhere in Central)
Winry: (Smooch smack slobber)
Al: (Smooch smack slobber) Oh, by the way, Master… I mean Roy wants you to become a thief and a traitor for him. Oh and get a tattoo.
Winry: Sure! Squee!
(In jail)
Roy: So, er, Ed are you legal yet?
Ed: Not quite.
Roy: Are you horny?
Ed: Er, no.
Roy: Well, I guess I'm enough of both for both of us. (Pounce)
Ed: Eeeek….ooooh… Oh, ROY!
(Midnights office)
Ashfell: ….
Midnight: What do you mean Roy is plotting to take over the world. Inconcievable!
Ashfell:….
Midnight: Of course I know what that word means!
(Al's room)
Al: Hey Midnight, now that I've demonstrated that I can make a slavery array work, how about you come up to my room … all by yourself… and let me get you drunk.
Midnight: I see nothing at all suspicious in this request. (Drinks a mickey)
Al: Good roll over and I'm going to tattoo something on your butt.
Midnight: Oh no, not an array! (Snooze)
AL: Well, actually I was going to tattoo "Al pwns Midnight," but I guess an array would make more sense.
(Next day.)
Al: Whoo hoo! I got me a man-slave! Sucks I'm not gay. Oh wait. Conscience. Wah! (ANGST!)
Midnight: Despite the fact that I came up with idea in the first place, and can feel the tattoo on my butt, I will choose to ignore everything and believe I'm still my own man. God I love denial!
Roy: I'm unspeakably jealous of Al. Not only does he get the girl, but he get's a manslave too. Well, Ed will just have to serve double duty.
Ed: Huh?
Roy: Make me slaves. Hup hup! Him - we'll start there.
Anonymous Guard: Huh?
Al: (ANGST!) Although I'm endangering myself and everyone I care about, I'm going to throw a hissy fit and refuse to do anything useful ever again.
Roy: Al, you are getting sleepy, very sleepy. Obey your god.
Al: Yes master.
Anonymous Guard: AAAAA! Oooh!
Roy: Bwahahahhahah!
Midnight: Now's probably not the best time to point out that this guy has nothing to do with forwarding the plot.
Roy: PWP?
Midnight: No no, that's Velvet Mace's OTHER fic.
Roy: NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!
Midnight: Well, except for Ashfell. And you are starting to really creep me out. I'm glad I got pwned by Al and not you.
Roy: Ashfell who?
Midnight: Er, the guy who has us all under 24 hour a day servailance.
Roy: Since when?
Midnight: Since the start of this fic. Oh, did I forget to tell you that?
Ashfell: OMGWTFBBQ!
OK. I lied. This makes no sense unless you've read my fic, but it had to come out. It just had to.