PETS Chapter 7

[velvet_mace]

I'm mildly coherent. We are going off to a birthday party in about 15 minutes, but I'll post this up now. It's rough and unbeta'd so, well, live with it. sockren I WILL get to the humiliation... but it will have to be next chapter, sorry. This seemed like a good place to end. Next chapter will be Roy's POV, and it will continue where this left off

Comments

[reformedvandal]

FIRST COMMENT

[velvet_mace]

LOL, I got this backdated dude... how'd you figure it was here!

[reformedvandal]

I've been stalking your LJ for the last 30 minutes.

[velvet_mace]

Ok, it's not backdated anymore.

[reformedvandal]

Okay, wow. Firstly, while this is non-con the idea that Al is actually doing it, not out of lust, but for Roy's own benefit is an interesting idea. The wrongness of the situation really pulls you in and you have a way with dialogue that tightens your hold on the reader's attention. The tragedy of it all, I think, is what keeps me reading. Even though it is non-con, I can feel my heart wrench for the characters. The idea of Roy becoming more of a whore, wanting it to preserve himself from death, is an interesting idea. I think that Roy!whore is something I find easier to read than non-con. So, I like where this is going. I eagerly await the next chapter and fully expect to be let in on the beta action.

Helpful Comments:

Al taped the array to the back of a painting, activated it with a bit of power, then rehung it on it's nail.

and then rehung it (list, needs and to be a complete sentence

Al half expected Ed to mess up on the arrays, leave loopholes that he could exploit to run away again, but if anything Ed was being more thorough

[velvet_mace]

Making alterations and adjustments... Yea! Help! I have no idea how coherent this chapter turned out because I feel like I've had one drink too many... and I'm totally sober.

I do NOT do well on 4 1/2 hours of sleep.

And I wanna read fics, too! Why can't I stop time? You know what, fuck it, this is going to stay unalterated long enough for me to fucking read Rivers at least.

[velvet_mace]

I'm awake now and I think I can think again. I made the changes, thank you. And ANY time you wanna help me make a fic make more sense, please jump right in and beta me.

By the way, are the big things, such as pacing and charactar believeability okay? Does it need tightening or expanding in any parts?

[reformedvandal]

Nope. It's just grammar. Everything is believable. You could flush out details a little more. But the clean feeling is nice and more your style.

[zalia]

Strangely enough, I find Al's mantra, the fact that Greed has Al believing him more disturbing than Roy being raped.

The wholse situation is so twisted but very intrigueing. Sockren said it fairly well. Roy having to become Greed's whore to save his life is really painful. Especially if Greed mind-fucks him too so he ends up believing it's best for him *shudder*

Great chapter, very painful though.

[velvet_mace]

This is a nasty fic. Al has coped the best he can. The mantra is his peace of mind. As long as he believes it, he doesn't have to pit his conscience against the reality Greed foists on him.

We'll see how Roy adapts.

[mikkeneko]

"Do you even understand the concept of rape?"

"I understand that sometimes people don't recognize a good thing when they see it."

...yeah, that's Greed. I'm not sure who to feel worse for in this chapter, Roy... or Ed. Not Al, actually, because at least Al is trying to do something positive, even if his priorities are messed up.

[velvet_mace]

Al believes he's being good. His conscience is clear.

Roy's life sucks.

Greed is amoral, and no, he doesn't really understand the concept of rape. He knows about pleasure and pain on a physical level, but the mental level eludes him. He just thinks people are being honery when they don't want to do what he wants them to.

[thisisnotmyname]

oof. sockren is way better at this betaing stuff than i am.

lol if you still want me to have a go at it when i get home, i will though.

oy. i think the most disturbing aspect of this fic so far is al's washedout brain. it's disturbing to see him rationalizing the need for rape or any of the other morally corrupt things greed has him participating in. poor sweet al.. it makes me wonder if he is going to betray edward for greed, though. i think i asked you about that too, but it was like.. midconversation and out of the blue so i dont think i ever followed up on your answer lol

at any rate, this is amazing. i pity roy :/

[velvet_mace]

Pretty please, beta me? My commas are wild and mischieveous beings, and hunting them down and herding them into place is a big job.

Greed is a morality unto himself. As Greed's deciple, Al's thoughts are a wee big off of what we'd call center.