BBC Sherlock fic. Proposition part 2, Electric Boogaloo.

[velvet_mace]

TITLE: Slow Sweet Surrender.
RATING: NC-17 oh yeah.
PAIRING: Sherlock/John with an appearance by Mycroft.
WARNING: Non-con. Bondage. Rather dark.
WORD COUNT: 9400. Yeah I got a wee bit indulgent.
A/N: This is a direct sequel of The Proposition. It makes more sense to read that one first.

SUMMARY: "I'm not evil," Sherlock said,

Comments

[originally]

I really enjoyed this and the previous story; so very dark but interesting to explore how things would pan out if Sherlock was truly a sociopath. Rather scarily, it seems! I love your Mycroft, he's just right.

You mentioned that it needed a Brit pick so I read it with an eye to that, but nothing really jumped out at me. I did notice a couple of typos though.

perhaps the subtly and reasonableness should be subtlety, I think? and his voice dripping with concerned should be concern.

[velvet_mace]

Yea! Thanks! Off to change.

[thaliae]

I enjoyed this a lot! I was mostly just stopping by to say that while I enjoy my non-con, non-con+physchology just makes my day :-)

I don't normally Brit-pick, or correct grammar/spelling etc., because I realise that makes me a irritaing pedant! However there were a few places which made me think "it's a shame that hasn't been brit-picked/made NHS-compliant, because then this would be bordering on perfect..."

But then I saw the comment above, so if you want my thoughts let me know, otherwise ignore paragraphs 2&3 and just bask in the well earned praise of the first few lines of the comment.

[velvet_mace]

Go ahead. It's never to late to clean this up!

[thaliae]

Sherlock knew that John had meticulously cut a gun shaped cavity in the pages of an artificially dusty 1998 edition Physician's Desk Reference

The PDR as far as I know hasn't made it to the UK. The two most likely suspects for a UK doctor to have are the BNF and the Oxford Handbook of Clinical Medicine. Sadly, neither is large enough for a gun! The Oxford text book (vol 1-3) is suitably chunky, and the kind of thing that gets given as a graduation present etc., and that you can't bear to throw away because it might one day be useful....and it looks good on a shelf! That would certainly be large enough to take a gun. It's normally expensive, but the old 1996 edition is pretty cheap 2nd hand, so maybe John would have that?

I don't like John mad at me. It feels… scary.

"Surely," he said, as if they hadn't been sitting in silence for the last ten minutes, "You prefer to know the truth than to labor on under a false impression."Maybe a debatable point, but "angry with" rather than "mad at" would be a more common UK usage, and

[velvet_mace]

Thank you!

I have to quibble with the Physician's Desk Reference. It may not be a common item, and not as day-to-day useful as the BNF but it certainly is available in the UK and might be interesting to a doctor as a reference.

What's more, as a doctor in Afghanistan, he almost certainly spent time coordinating and working with Americans, distributing supplies and medicines that came from them and look and are called by American names. Of course, in this fic, the book isn't useful as anything but a gun container that would obviously belong to John and not Sherlock for the purpose of police raids. Even if it weren't it would be hopelessly out of date for practical use.

Off to change the rest.