Comments | velvet_mace: Undesirable Chapter 6

velvet_mace

Undesirable Chapter 6

Nov 03, 2008 08:51

TITLE: Undesirable (A vampire novel)
RATING: NC-17 (This chapter PG-13)
GENRE: Porn with plot -- heavy on the plot. Action/adventure, some black humor, some romance.
PAIRINGS: George x everyone. Mostly Slash, some het, three and moresomes. Vampire sex.
WARNINGS: (this chapter) none.
WORD COUNT: 4546 ( Read more... )

original, undesirable

Comments 13

arkanefyre November 3 2008, 19:21:28 UTC

Poor George. Poor thing, he actually really thinks he's going to be able to get away from Lord Jeffrey.

I'm not usually one for first person (*cough*twilight*cough*) but this is really good. He's snarky and completely likable, and entirely human.

Hope chapter 10 will stop kicking your butt soon! Can't wait for ch. 7!

Will you get this published when you're done?

velvet_mace November 3 2008, 19:27:04 UTC

I kind of doubt the publishing -- it's too porny for mainstream horror and too non-conny for erotica. Plus there's the heavy homoerotic bit, but that's less of a handicap these days.

I'd love it to be written well enough to be published if it weren't such a no-go on the subject matter.

George has no clue whatsoever what kind of trouble he's in.

arkanefyre November 3 2008, 19:45:04 UTC

That's too bad. I wish there are some avant-garde publishers out there. Maybe just print and bind a copy for yourself with LuLu of something? I don't have any experience with it, but I've heard good things about it. I'd totally buy a copy.

militsa November 3 2008, 19:34:26 UTC

velvet_mace November 3 2008, 20:48:37 UTC

True, if he just got away like that, there wouldn't be much of a story would there.

Thank you about the narrators voice. I am really trying hard to make it interesting enough to read. I honestly had two ways I could have gone on the narrators voice -- the first was to take it the way Meyers did: basically make the narrator so bland people could self-insert into George, but honestly, I don't think that would have worked. This situation is fun to read about, but I'm not convinced that people would really care to live it.

While Bella is the epitome of all things girls want to be, George can't be that. So I opted rather than for a self-insert to have a character that the audience would enjoy to see squirm. Someone nice enough that they won't hate, but at the same time not so saintly that they cringe every time he gets spanked. Someone you'd like to have a beer with, rather than someone you'd like to be. That freed me up to make him fumble and stumble and sweat.

drelfina November 4 2008, 18:46:15 UTC

Oh this one is GOOD.

I was all but screaming my head off at every turn, at every move he made, every little bit he did when he could almost get caught...

My heart practically stopped three times during the entire chapter, and nothign had happened. Yet.

Oh god I hope he gets away. But I know he wouldn't.

Oh god.

eternityras May 28 2010, 14:28:59 UTC

"I was coming to realize that this voice was full of crap." oh lord, all the voices in my head are like this OTL

velvet_mace May 31 2010, 02:34:35 UTC

Mine, too.

eternityras May 31 2010, 02:45:07 UTC

wanna tell me what you do with them? :D

velvet_mace May 31 2010, 04:50:41 UTC

Get a second opinion from a real person. Helps heaps actually.

Thread 5

anonymous October 21 2011, 07:49:40 UTC

This story is fascinating, and this may have been pointed out before, but didn't George not have his Bloodtrust Card? I thought that was the reason he decided to travel by bus.

velvet_mace October 21 2011, 14:40:11 UTC

Oh he has his card! The problem is that if he puts it through an automatic reader, it's going to log into his file online and check his travel permissions and he doesn't have any. However, if it's just visually inspected, it looks like he doesn't need travel permissions. So he went by bus, because he remembered they didn't use the readers (except they did, just only for people who look like they need them)

Anyway, thanks for reading.