Climb Ev'ry Prison Roof
What an interesting week its been. Working from home pretty much full time except for Tuesdays. And this past Tuesday, en route to my *one* public appearance, I celebrated this day - this day that marked my 7 years of sobriety - by stone cold soberly driving up on the median on Fair Oaks Boulevard in the midst of turning left onto it. My driver's side tire exploded upon impact. Somewhat unaware that this had occurred (although maybe suspecting it deep down inside) I continued driving on the rim for half a mile until I started to smell burned rubber. At this point I pulled over, in front of my psychiatrist's office actually, and got out to inspect the damage. Wasn't cute as you might expect. It is possible my psychiatrist saw me from his window and shook his head. Maybe not though because he's probably at home Zooming with his crazars online these days.
So I was waylay-ed from my destination for a few hours by dropping 500 dollars on tires and alignment at the Les Schwabb by my office. Who in the hell is putting 500 dollars into their vehicle right now so that they can sit in their kitchen in their underwear all day every day? Oh, me.
So I finally get to the office and promptly receive a cryptic yet hilarious text from my boss. He was nice enough to take some Covid for the team and conduct my mandatory prison roof site visit on my behest. That is his word btw, behest, he kept saying it to everyone who asked if I was still going to have the roof walk. Not sure if that was passive aggressive dig at me for being too pussy to travel or what.
"Made it out of prison. Couldn't walk Roof E - it had Covid. Sent Rodger to take pictures. Talk later."
I set my phone down in my lap, distressed. Roofs can get Covid too? And your response to this bit of information is to send Rodger, my favorite Field Guy, into the Covid-afflicted building like some kind of sacrificial lamb to take pictures?! Did Rodger have a super long photo lens, maybe? I called Rodger in a slight panic, but it just rang. I started sweating, which I think is a symptom of Covid and then got paranoid that the one other person that had to come to the office (under the ruthless regime of one mid-level manager who I have previously written about - see entry in which she forced me to bring tomatoes into the office and then reprimanded me for dicing them on State time) would catch me sweating and stand up and blow his little whistle we all get in case we're taken hostage in a prison like he's Rolf from The Sound of Music and I'm the Von Trapp family hiding in the abbey.
Eventually I did get ahold of Rodger and he reported that he's okay. To determine that was my main objective for the day, but decided to try and procure his roof from my position at home in my kitchen in my underwear anyway. It's going okay so far.
After logging out today, I got up and went to Savemart for some cat litter and a 6 dollar gallon of milk. The lady at the checkout counter was my first real human interaction for the week and she was really nice, I think. I don't really have any worldly idea of what she was saying through her mask. I told her that and she laughed. I also kind of karmically socialized on the return trip home with the UPS truck driver guy that nearly took me off the planet via his driving like a drunken lunatic. I don't think he was actually drunk though, just unionized. It's okay to murder people when you're in a union, I know because I'm in one and writing shit like this.
:D
So I was waylay-ed from my destination for a few hours by dropping 500 dollars on tires and alignment at the Les Schwabb by my office. Who in the hell is putting 500 dollars into their vehicle right now so that they can sit in their kitchen in their underwear all day every day? Oh, me.
So I finally get to the office and promptly receive a cryptic yet hilarious text from my boss. He was nice enough to take some Covid for the team and conduct my mandatory prison roof site visit on my behest. That is his word btw, behest, he kept saying it to everyone who asked if I was still going to have the roof walk. Not sure if that was passive aggressive dig at me for being too pussy to travel or what.
"Made it out of prison. Couldn't walk Roof E - it had Covid. Sent Rodger to take pictures. Talk later."
I set my phone down in my lap, distressed. Roofs can get Covid too? And your response to this bit of information is to send Rodger, my favorite Field Guy, into the Covid-afflicted building like some kind of sacrificial lamb to take pictures?! Did Rodger have a super long photo lens, maybe? I called Rodger in a slight panic, but it just rang. I started sweating, which I think is a symptom of Covid and then got paranoid that the one other person that had to come to the office (under the ruthless regime of one mid-level manager who I have previously written about - see entry in which she forced me to bring tomatoes into the office and then reprimanded me for dicing them on State time) would catch me sweating and stand up and blow his little whistle we all get in case we're taken hostage in a prison like he's Rolf from The Sound of Music and I'm the Von Trapp family hiding in the abbey.
Eventually I did get ahold of Rodger and he reported that he's okay. To determine that was my main objective for the day, but decided to try and procure his roof from my position at home in my kitchen in my underwear anyway. It's going okay so far.
After logging out today, I got up and went to Savemart for some cat litter and a 6 dollar gallon of milk. The lady at the checkout counter was my first real human interaction for the week and she was really nice, I think. I don't really have any worldly idea of what she was saying through her mask. I told her that and she laughed. I also kind of karmically socialized on the return trip home with the UPS truck driver guy that nearly took me off the planet via his driving like a drunken lunatic. I don't think he was actually drunk though, just unionized. It's okay to murder people when you're in a union, I know because I'm in one and writing shit like this.
:D