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Mar 06, 2005 21:31

my was broke for a while. whoa.

this week sucked. except i discovered some new shit about myslef. about a boy. yay-not

and firday was one of thoes nights where your in your house at 12 in the morning going, ok im gonna go for a walk. no im not, im gonna run away! and you have some stuff packed and then you think things over
meehh. it took me a good cigg and a nice walk to relize that was not the night to leave.
so i didnt run away but i had it up to here with everything.

and well saturday i got to see beth again. and we watched shaun of the dead which was funny. and then i went to danis. we waited for ashley but she got introuble and couldnt come :(
but dani made mac and cheese. and then we watched the ENTIER movie..gone with the wind.
i cant belive i liked it, but i did.
so we did that all night and i cut danis hair. and austin called me at 430 in the morning and woke me up and i just think its the funniest thing, becos im usualll just falling asleep then haha.
then today me and dani watched a little of beauty and the beast. then i went out with mom and tay and auntie angel and robert to dinner. then me and mom went to dairy queen.

and dani, let me just say thank you for listenin to everything i have to say, and caring.

theres alot of shit going on. im at the age where the world stops being all "innocent" and people start hurting you. you find things out you wish you haddnt, which makes everything worse and there is nothing you can do about it because you know these things.
people couldnt be more confusing and hurtful.

think about it:
if there was one lie you took back, one really big, terrible lie, what would things be like now? next time you decide to lie about something just think about who you are hurting and then think if it's worth it. it could be worth it, but then again there's this small chance it might not be.
im sick of people hurting other people. not me directly, but im so sick of hearing about broken hearts and war and death and pain. no body deserves that stuff.

and on another depressing note, i can't make up my mind about boys. theres this one boy who makes me weak when i think about him, and im almost afraid i love him. but i just can't love him because he is so far, and he hurt me really bad. then theres this other boy who im scared i have feelings for and i would never tell him. but of course everyone leavs. and thoes of you who know what i mean, stfu and dont tell him. thanks much.

and how do i love this kid if i date and fool around with other boys? how do i love him if i have feelings for other people?
theres a good quote from a lazy way out song:

"baby have you heard i'm falling?
falling for you.
but i'm so confused i just confuse myself.
i'm thinking.
i'm thinking that you're beautiful.
and what'd be like if you were here with me."

and that reminds me of him. and he makes me so mad and i cry and cry and cry and im so sick of crying. im so sick of missing someone that doesnt miss me and that doesnt put as much strength into this as much as i do.

another thing is this depressing music i love so much. please, to all the super bands out there know that i love you all and i thank you for making sick music, but it would mean the world if you could write one happy song. for me. welchy. thanks.
and no one is going to listen to that
wow thats a hell of a long entry. im prepard to bitch more tomarow. dont say i didnt warn you.
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