Time for a change
Woke up at 8:00 this morning and couldn't for the live of me go back to sleep. I decided to drag my bones to the gym and work out before class. After going to class I learned that one of the people in the education program who I greatly admired and looked up to, has decided to drop out of college two weeks before finals! I've been there before, but never followed through with it, it just seems like such a kamakazi sort of decision. We all have our self destructive sides, myself included.
After class I drove to the Walmart on the far side of town, only to find out they are not hiring, what a waste of gas! I came back home sad, I really hate my job. In fact, I broke this not so private news to Keith today, and you know what he said? The best thing anyone could have said to me at this point, "Well, let's find you a new job." Just like that, no hesitation or anything! God, he's awesome. I wish I could be more like him, and just not worry about things. The past two days I have been getting sick and throwing up before time to go to work, it seems like food hits my stomach and I know I have to leave for work, and I just get sick. Today I asked Keith to lie for me and say I was still sick so I could go job hunting. I know it is illegitimate, but the way I am looking at it, it is no more illegitimate than my current line of employment. I hate it when old people give money when we call them, they really can't afford it; and it's not like I can say anything about it after I already have them on the phone, such as, "Don't donate and save your money for groceries, I'm just doing my job, I'm terribly sorry to have bothered you and to have gotten your hopes up into thinking I am actually doing something good and legitimate out of pure selflessness." I am burned out with this job. I've been at it a little over a year, and that is longer than I should have been a telemarketer. So what if I'm good at it, I feel like a thief. The guilt keeps piling up and stressing me out - it's making me hate myself for doing my job. I may as well be a hooker or a stripper with the way this job degrades me and makes me ashamed of myself. Bottom line is, I'm scared. I hate not having any control over this. I want to do the right thing and give my two week notice, but I really do not want to ever step foot in that wretched place again. On top of all of this stress, I am already four days late. Lovely, great; either it is the stress, or it really is what I think it may be; in which case, it really would be nice. I hope that is what it is, and not the stress.
My current job hunt has yielded the following, Walmart, Dallas Cowboys Pro shop at the Mall, Hallmark, American Cookie Co., Goody's, Sally Beauty Supply, Price Cutter, Music store at the mall, Sunglass store at the mall, Sweetbay Coffee Co., Cato, and possibly fast food if none of these yield any actual results. As for the Wal-mart thing, yeah, I'll be ripping people off, but at least they'll get a choice in the matter as to the products they get ripped off on or price gouged. Yup, I feel scared and sort of excited. It's the waiting that really gets to me. I feel a little less shaky about all of this, and I think I'm going to have some chocolate.
After class I drove to the Walmart on the far side of town, only to find out they are not hiring, what a waste of gas! I came back home sad, I really hate my job. In fact, I broke this not so private news to Keith today, and you know what he said? The best thing anyone could have said to me at this point, "Well, let's find you a new job." Just like that, no hesitation or anything! God, he's awesome. I wish I could be more like him, and just not worry about things. The past two days I have been getting sick and throwing up before time to go to work, it seems like food hits my stomach and I know I have to leave for work, and I just get sick. Today I asked Keith to lie for me and say I was still sick so I could go job hunting. I know it is illegitimate, but the way I am looking at it, it is no more illegitimate than my current line of employment. I hate it when old people give money when we call them, they really can't afford it; and it's not like I can say anything about it after I already have them on the phone, such as, "Don't donate and save your money for groceries, I'm just doing my job, I'm terribly sorry to have bothered you and to have gotten your hopes up into thinking I am actually doing something good and legitimate out of pure selflessness." I am burned out with this job. I've been at it a little over a year, and that is longer than I should have been a telemarketer. So what if I'm good at it, I feel like a thief. The guilt keeps piling up and stressing me out - it's making me hate myself for doing my job. I may as well be a hooker or a stripper with the way this job degrades me and makes me ashamed of myself. Bottom line is, I'm scared. I hate not having any control over this. I want to do the right thing and give my two week notice, but I really do not want to ever step foot in that wretched place again. On top of all of this stress, I am already four days late. Lovely, great; either it is the stress, or it really is what I think it may be; in which case, it really would be nice. I hope that is what it is, and not the stress.
My current job hunt has yielded the following, Walmart, Dallas Cowboys Pro shop at the Mall, Hallmark, American Cookie Co., Goody's, Sally Beauty Supply, Price Cutter, Music store at the mall, Sunglass store at the mall, Sweetbay Coffee Co., Cato, and possibly fast food if none of these yield any actual results. As for the Wal-mart thing, yeah, I'll be ripping people off, but at least they'll get a choice in the matter as to the products they get ripped off on or price gouged. Yup, I feel scared and sort of excited. It's the waiting that really gets to me. I feel a little less shaky about all of this, and I think I'm going to have some chocolate.