Fic: Night Visions (Revolutionary Girl Utena, Kozue/Miki)
Title: Night Visions
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utenna
Wordcount: 1085
Rating: Mature
Pairing(s): One-sided Kozue/Miki
Contains: One-sided incest, Akio arc spoilers.
Notes: This was written for Not Primetime 2015. I owe
splinteredstar for helping me brainstorm. Title is from Hans Christian Andersen's "The Ice Maiden," which is also the story referenced at the beginning.
Summary: Post-episode 26, Kozue is still trying to make Miki see. (Or, Kozue and Miki fail to adjust, as usual.)
There is a story of a man who was led away from his love by an Ice Maiden who froze his heart. (There are a lot of stories that end that way. Men are like that.) It's a stupid fairy tale, and Kozue must have been very young when she read it. But it's a story Kozue remembers when she looks at Himemiya Anthy. Himemiya's sweet smiles and soft voice don't fool Kozue. She knows ice when she sees it. She knows danger.
Miki never has. He's never been willing to leave that damn sunlit garden. So, he pines after Himemiya in her fake perfection and fails to appreciate what he has. Kozue would die for Miki. Himemiya wouldn't care if he vanished tomorrow. But Miki has never forgiven Kozue for not being the perfect little angel he remembers her as, so instead he looks for that angel in Himemiya. Good luck with that.
Kozue thought that if she could just get Miki to take Himemiya for himself, the problem would solve itself. It would have been good for him, even. He's so weak, Kozue really doesn't know what she's going to do with him. Ideally, he would have won Himemiya, then, after dirtying his no-longer-virginal bride, he would have lost interest in her. He would have belonged to Kozue again.
But Miki was too weak to accomplish that, even after all the help Kozue gave him. She was his bride. How dare he lose? Now Himemiya will remain his out of reach princess-- so much purer than Kozue, so much better. As if Himemiya isn't ice. As if she isn't dirty.
Miki hasn't been willing to talk about the duel. He's avoided the topic like the coward he is. He'd avoid Kozue too, if she'd let him get away with it. She won't.
She comes home late, but not so late that Miki won't be awake. Her hair is mussed and her clothing uneven. She won't have to say anything; Miki will know what she's been doing. Maybe he'll wonder if she was with the chairman again.
Kozue hears the music as soon as she steps in the house. Miki hasn't played piano since the duel. She isn't sure what this means.
Miki doesn't look up when when Kozue enters the parlor. She doesn't know if he's too caught up in the music to pay attention to her, or if he's consciously ignoring her. Either way, she feels a rush of fury. He doesn't get to ignore her. Not ever, but especially not now.
Kozue sits down on the piano bench beside Miki, facing the opposite way. Miki doesn't react. “She'll never be yours now,” Kozue tells him too-casually. “You lost. Everything I did for you, and you still lost.” Still, Miki gives her nothing. “You saw me, right?” Kozue continues. “It distracted you. When I kissed her.” Miki misses a note.
Himemiya's lips had been soft and warm, and hadn't tasted like any of the things Kozue thought she would taste of-- secrets, danger, ice. The normalcy had been a disappointment.
Kozue eyes Miki. He's recovered from his slip, but she can see the tension has overtaken him. “I could tell you about it,” Kozue says. “What it was like to kiss her.” She smirks. “Something to keep you entertained at night.”
The music stops. “Stop being foul,” Miki says tightly.
“I'm not foul. I told you, I'm honest. And if you had the courage to be half as honest with yourself, then you would have won.” Kozue sneers. “I think you lost because you didn't want to win. If you'd won, you'd actually have to think about screwing her. Can't risk dirtying up your precious princess.”
Miki pulls away from her. “I can't talk to you when you're like this.”
Kozue closes the distance between them. She puts her hand on his thigh. “You can always practice on me.” She smiles wolfishly. “After all, I'm already dirty.”
She leans in to kiss Miki, but he shoots up before she can. “What are you doing?!”
Kozue stands. “Even if you had her, you'd get bored of her. We're not like other people, onii-chan. Remember? We're wild animals.
“Kozue,” Miki says in an artificially calming voice, “we're not animals.”
Kozue shrugs. “We may as well be.”
“It's the duel. This whole thing. That's what's made you like this.”
Kozue snarls. “I was always like this. You just didn't want to see me. You never want to see me.” That's why she has to make him see. She'll hurt him as many times as she has to if it will only force him to truly see her.
Miki swallows. “I'm going to bed,” he says, with notable control. “We can talk about this later.”
Which means they'll talk about it never. “Fine,” Kozue spits. She lets him leave.
Miki will have a good night's sleep, and in the morning he'll have completely rewritten this encounter. He'll forget everything that frightened him, and it will just be another one of Kozue's weird moments. Kozue can't change that. She can't change Miki, even as she's been trying. Maybe that's just their curse. They're two halves of the same whole, and yet neither of them will ever be what the other needs. She'll never be Miki's shining thing. He'll never be someone who can accept all of her.
She had wanted it so badly. And she thought that here at Ohtori, wanting might be enough.
Kozue wishes she could remember what she saw at the end of the world.
The house is quiet now, and dark. It's always been too big for just the two of them. Kozue has never minded, but now the shadows are suddenly eerie. The end of the world.
Kozue pulls herself together. A wild thing doesn't need to be afraid of the dark.
She'll never give up on Miki. She can't let go of him any more than she could rip her own heart out. And no matter how much he'd like to deny it, he can't let go of her. They'll always be together. Until the end of the world.
Kozue sits down at the piano and brushes her fingers over the keys. She remembers the feel of Himemiya's lips, of the night sky above the Chairman's car. She remembers playing piano with Miki, all those years ago in the garden that neither of them can seem to leave.
Kozue doesn't touch the keys. The silence is loud enough on its own.
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