Fic: I've Done Made the Devil a Deal chapter 10 (Rachel-centric, PG-13)
Title: I've Done Made the Devil a Deal
Chapter title: 'Cause I Love You Just a Little too Much (6x01: Borrowed Time)
Fandom: White Collar
Wordcount: ~1000 (this chapter), ~10,900 (whole fic)
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Rachel Turner, Neal, Peter, Hagen
Pairing(s): Rachel/Neal
Contains: Canonical character deaths
Notes: The fic will eventually have spoilers through 6x01. Even early chapter should be assumed to have spoilers for the whole of season 5. Fic title come from "Hell on Heels" by the Pistol Annies. Chapter title comes from "Serial Killer" by Lana Del Rey. This fic is complete. Also, I realize this was yet another unreasonable delay between chapters, but this time I sort of had a good reason. Check below.
Summary: Rachel nearly has her hands on the score of a lifetime, if only she can keep control. But nothing's going to go quite the way she planned. (Rachel's POV of episodes 5x03-6x01)
First chapter
Previous chapter
The problem with life is that there's no graceful fade to black. Rachel's last moments don't get to be the ones with Neal, gazing at that beautiful water. She goes back to jail, which is every bit as horrible as it was before. Worse, even, because they aren't giving her any chances to escape. Which makes them idiots, because she could escape no matter how they tried to stop her, but that would just make her a fugitive, bringing her right back to the life that ground her down without her even being aware of it. She sees her days stretch beyond her endlessly, and she doesn't know how she'll stand it.
A trip to the FBI is equal parts tiresome deja vu and welcome distraction. At least it gives her something to wonder about. She can't imagine what insipid thing they're going to ask her for this time. She can't imagine what they think she owes them.
She can't resist shooting Mozzie a smirk when she sees him, and he blanches just a little. It's a tiny rush of power, but she needs it. The government may be better than anyone else when it comes it causing pain, but Rachel can hold her own. Best people remember that. She wishes it didn't feel so hollow.
She expected her presence in the FBI to have something to do with Neal, but she isn't expecting Burke to tell her he's been kidnapped. She hides her surprise. If she's here then they want something from her, and that means she can get something from them. And as soon as Burke suggests she might know who took Neal, the pieces click. Booth did have ambition. And desperation. Not a safe combination. It figures he'd try something like this. He must be ecstatic, thinking he'll be able to get the diamond without trying to outwit her. This means she does indeed have something she can trade.
That's when Burke does something Rachel never could have anticipated. He offers her nothing, nothing but the chance to save the person she loves and fix a problem she caused. She should laugh in his face. She's of one the world's deadliest killers. She always has an angle, and Burke wants her to save Neal for nothing. It should be preposterous. But then she imagines Neal alone with a Booth, who has killed before and has no reason not to do so again. Booth who will be angry when he realizes the diamond is out of his reach. And she thinks of that day when she and Neal stood overlooking the water, and for one beautiful moment she felt like Neal was seeing her instead of the woman she had pretended to be.
She gives Burke what he wants. It's against every instinct she has, but she can't do anything else. And then she waits. She waits while Burke and his team run off to play hero, while she sits ignored. She ponders escaping, but she knows there's no way she'd make it out the building alive. It's a less depressing thought than she thought it would be. But she sits and plays the good girl, because she has one thing left in her life that means anything to her, and she doesn't know if he's dead or alive. Even if he does survive, she has no idea if anyone will let her see him. And she needs to see him.
When Neal walks into the conference room, Rachel feel more relief than she ever has before. He's alive, and whole, and she didn't kill him.
They only have the distance of a table between them, but it feels like much more. The last time they sat like this, Rachel still thought she could win. She thought she could get the diamond and make Neal realize that she was perfect for him. Now, she has nothing awaiting her but multiple life sentences, and she's the one who's realized that she will never be the person Neal loved. He reminds her of that every time he calls her Rebecca. And a strange way, Rachel murdered Rebecca just as much as she murdered David Siegel or Hagen. Out of everything, maybe's that what Neal can least forgive her for. Neal belonged to Rebecca. He was never really Rachel's.
Her whole life, Rachel was alone, and she thought she was happy that way. Then Neal came into her life, and she discovered what it meant to want to connect to another person. But the distance between her and Neal cannot be crossed. Worse than being alone is realizing she is alone, and the one thing worse than that is realizing she will always be alone.
Her whole life has been leading to this moment, she just never realized it. In saving Neal, she has done one good thing, the best thing she could have done. It will have to be enough.
She won't go back to prison, and she won't return to the life she led. That makes her choice very easy. She only hopes that her words will help Neal learn what she figured out too late: the end will always come, and you will never quite be ready for it, but you can still face it head on.
She had never been afraid a day in her life until Booth kidnapped Neal, and she's not afraid now.
It occurs to Rachel, in the split second before she grabs for the guard’s gun, that she might pull this so-called escape off. The chance is small, but still possible. What would she do then?
She never needs to think about it any further. She lunges for the gun and feels the bullets sink into her.
Dying on the streets of New York, Rachel wonders if Neal will mourn her, the real her. She thinks he will, just a little. It's as close to his love as she'll ever get. And this is as close to freedom as she has any chance to know.
So, one of the reason this was delayed was that I took some time to gather up all the songs I used for chapter titles/inspiration while writing this fic and made a mix. You can download it here.
This entry was originally posted at http://veleda-k.dreamwidth.org/421754.html. Please consider commenting there.
Chapter title: 'Cause I Love You Just a Little too Much (6x01: Borrowed Time)
Fandom: White Collar
Wordcount: ~1000 (this chapter), ~10,900 (whole fic)
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Rachel Turner, Neal, Peter, Hagen
Pairing(s): Rachel/Neal
Contains: Canonical character deaths
Notes: The fic will eventually have spoilers through 6x01. Even early chapter should be assumed to have spoilers for the whole of season 5. Fic title come from "Hell on Heels" by the Pistol Annies. Chapter title comes from "Serial Killer" by Lana Del Rey. This fic is complete. Also, I realize this was yet another unreasonable delay between chapters, but this time I sort of had a good reason. Check below.
Summary: Rachel nearly has her hands on the score of a lifetime, if only she can keep control. But nothing's going to go quite the way she planned. (Rachel's POV of episodes 5x03-6x01)
First chapter
Previous chapter
The problem with life is that there's no graceful fade to black. Rachel's last moments don't get to be the ones with Neal, gazing at that beautiful water. She goes back to jail, which is every bit as horrible as it was before. Worse, even, because they aren't giving her any chances to escape. Which makes them idiots, because she could escape no matter how they tried to stop her, but that would just make her a fugitive, bringing her right back to the life that ground her down without her even being aware of it. She sees her days stretch beyond her endlessly, and she doesn't know how she'll stand it.
A trip to the FBI is equal parts tiresome deja vu and welcome distraction. At least it gives her something to wonder about. She can't imagine what insipid thing they're going to ask her for this time. She can't imagine what they think she owes them.
She can't resist shooting Mozzie a smirk when she sees him, and he blanches just a little. It's a tiny rush of power, but she needs it. The government may be better than anyone else when it comes it causing pain, but Rachel can hold her own. Best people remember that. She wishes it didn't feel so hollow.
She expected her presence in the FBI to have something to do with Neal, but she isn't expecting Burke to tell her he's been kidnapped. She hides her surprise. If she's here then they want something from her, and that means she can get something from them. And as soon as Burke suggests she might know who took Neal, the pieces click. Booth did have ambition. And desperation. Not a safe combination. It figures he'd try something like this. He must be ecstatic, thinking he'll be able to get the diamond without trying to outwit her. This means she does indeed have something she can trade.
That's when Burke does something Rachel never could have anticipated. He offers her nothing, nothing but the chance to save the person she loves and fix a problem she caused. She should laugh in his face. She's of one the world's deadliest killers. She always has an angle, and Burke wants her to save Neal for nothing. It should be preposterous. But then she imagines Neal alone with a Booth, who has killed before and has no reason not to do so again. Booth who will be angry when he realizes the diamond is out of his reach. And she thinks of that day when she and Neal stood overlooking the water, and for one beautiful moment she felt like Neal was seeing her instead of the woman she had pretended to be.
She gives Burke what he wants. It's against every instinct she has, but she can't do anything else. And then she waits. She waits while Burke and his team run off to play hero, while she sits ignored. She ponders escaping, but she knows there's no way she'd make it out the building alive. It's a less depressing thought than she thought it would be. But she sits and plays the good girl, because she has one thing left in her life that means anything to her, and she doesn't know if he's dead or alive. Even if he does survive, she has no idea if anyone will let her see him. And she needs to see him.
When Neal walks into the conference room, Rachel feel more relief than she ever has before. He's alive, and whole, and she didn't kill him.
They only have the distance of a table between them, but it feels like much more. The last time they sat like this, Rachel still thought she could win. She thought she could get the diamond and make Neal realize that she was perfect for him. Now, she has nothing awaiting her but multiple life sentences, and she's the one who's realized that she will never be the person Neal loved. He reminds her of that every time he calls her Rebecca. And a strange way, Rachel murdered Rebecca just as much as she murdered David Siegel or Hagen. Out of everything, maybe's that what Neal can least forgive her for. Neal belonged to Rebecca. He was never really Rachel's.
Her whole life, Rachel was alone, and she thought she was happy that way. Then Neal came into her life, and she discovered what it meant to want to connect to another person. But the distance between her and Neal cannot be crossed. Worse than being alone is realizing she is alone, and the one thing worse than that is realizing she will always be alone.
Her whole life has been leading to this moment, she just never realized it. In saving Neal, she has done one good thing, the best thing she could have done. It will have to be enough.
She won't go back to prison, and she won't return to the life she led. That makes her choice very easy. She only hopes that her words will help Neal learn what she figured out too late: the end will always come, and you will never quite be ready for it, but you can still face it head on.
She had never been afraid a day in her life until Booth kidnapped Neal, and she's not afraid now.
It occurs to Rachel, in the split second before she grabs for the guard’s gun, that she might pull this so-called escape off. The chance is small, but still possible. What would she do then?
She never needs to think about it any further. She lunges for the gun and feels the bullets sink into her.
Dying on the streets of New York, Rachel wonders if Neal will mourn her, the real her. She thinks he will, just a little. It's as close to his love as she'll ever get. And this is as close to freedom as she has any chance to know.
So, one of the reason this was delayed was that I took some time to gather up all the songs I used for chapter titles/inspiration while writing this fic and made a mix. You can download it here.
This entry was originally posted at http://veleda-k.dreamwidth.org/421754.html. Please consider commenting there.