Fic: I Know Who I Want to Take Me Home (Revolutionary Girl Utena, Juri/Utena, NC-17)
Title: I Know Who I Want to Take Me Home
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Pairing: Juri/Utena, implied Anthy/Utena, past Juri/Shiori
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~2800
Contains: Graphic sex
Summary: When the stranger walks into Juri's regular bar, she's intrigued. But as the two grow closer, the past may be stronger than either can deny. Spoilers for the end of the series.
A/N: Written for
femslash12, for
outstretched. Title from "Closing Time" by Semisonic.
Juri noticed the new girl right away. Lilies was a tiny bar that catered to regulars. Most nights, Juri knew everyone in the bar. It was usually comforting and intimate, but sometimes it felt stifling and almost incestuous. Other than the stranger, Juri had slept with everyone currently there--including the staff--at least once. Someone new was news.
Several patrons tried to get the woman’s attention, but she ignored them and sat down next to Juri. Her vivid blue eyes were wide, and she looked around periodically, as if she needed to remind herself where she was. New to the city, Juri figured. Or maybe newly out.
She was attractive, lean and well-toned. Juri normally liked softer, more delicate women, but the unfamiliar woman had an air of vulnerability that appealed to Juri. “Can I get you a drink?”
The woman looked at Juri in surprise. “Sure,” she said after a brief pause.
Juri called out to the bartender. “Sakura, bring out my bottle. What’s your name?” she asked, turning back to the stranger.
This time the pause was longer. “Utena,” the woman finally said.
Juri wondered if it was a fake name. Some women did that here. “I’m Juri,” she said, raising her glass. Utena smiled slightly and met Juri’s toast.
They drank mostly in silence, exchanging only a few snatches of conversation. Eventually, Utena stood up. “It’s late. I should go.”
Juri grinned. “What, do you turn into a pumpkin if you stay out past midnight?”
Utena blinked at her. “No," she replied, completely serious. “I’m just tired.”
Juri raised an eyebrow. “I was joking.”
“Oh.” Utena stood to go, and her fingers brushed against Juri’s.
Juri felt a charge go through her. She reached out and grasped Utena’s arm. She leaned in close. “Where are you staying?”
For a moment, Juri thought Utena wouldn't answer, but then she replied in a soft but steady voice, "Hotel, fifteen minutes away."
Juri hadn't thought of herself as the type to have a nearly anonymous one night stand, but here she was in Utena's hotel room, not knowing anything more than the woman's given name. "I don't normally do this," she said, though she wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if she cared if Utena, or anyone, thought she was easy. But it seemed important, for some reason, to let Utena know that there was something special about her.
Utena's lips quirked into a smile. "I'll bet you say that to all the girls."
It was the first sign of humor Utena had shown all night, and Juri laughed. "If I promise you you're special, will you take your clothes off?"
"I'm going to take my clothes off anyway." Sure enough Utena pulled off her shirt and unhooked her bra. Her breasts were firm, slightly smaller than Juri's, and they looked soft. Juri walked up and cupped one in her hand. She brushed her thumb of the nipple before kissing the top of the breast. Utena shuddered. In a smooth motion, Juri undid Utena's jeans and pushed them to the floor. Completely naked, Utena lay down on the bed. Juri quickly stripped off her own clothing and joined her.
Their kisses were a little awkward at first, but soon touching Utena felt like the most natural thing in the world. Utena lay there and let Juri kiss along the lines of body, but when Juri went to press her lips between Utena's legs, Utena tensed. Juri looked up. "Are you all right?"
Utena nodded. "I just haven't done this very much."
"Sex with a woman, or sex in general?"
Utena pursed her lips. "Sex in general. I, uh, don't go home with people much."
Juri smiled. "So, now I'm the special one."
Utena gave a relieved laugh. "And I don't say that to all the girls."
"Do you want to stop? Or go slower?"
Utena shook her head. "I think I want to touch you."
"Okay." Juri obliging stretched out and let Utena map her body with her fingertips. Utena's movements were slow and deliberate, and Juri wanted to beg her to go faster, but she stayed silent, determined to let Utena go at her own pace.
Utena's fingers rested on Juri's thigh for a minute before she slipped inside her. Juri groaned. Utena's fingers were uncertain but not fumbling. She bent down lower and wrapped her tongue around Juri's nipple as her fingers explored Juri's cunt. Juri's fingers scrabbled against the bed. When she came, she was certain she woke the entire floor with her cries. She reached up and ran her fingers through Utena's hair. "Fuck," she whispered. Utena giggled. She looked younger now. She had lost the mysterious air she had had in the bar. Juri didn't mind in the least. "It's your turn now," she said lasciviously. Nervousness gone, Utena flopped gown on the bed. Juri started slowly, doing her best to coax as many moans and whimpers from Utena as she could, but her patience had limits, and finally she spread Utena's legs and pressed her tongue inside. Utena jerked wildly, and Juri placed her hands firmly on Utena's hips to keep her still. Done teasing, Juri went for Utena's clit after a few experimental licks. Utena moaned and her hands went to her breasts, which she started rubbing, matching the rhythm of Juri's tongue. It didn't take her long to come.
Utena absently stroked Juri's stomach as they curled up beside each other. Juri kissed the top of Utena's head, and Utena mumbled something sleepily, but Juri couldn't hear what it was. That was the last thing she remembered before drifting off to sleep.
Juri awoke to see a McDonald's bag sitting on Utena's little table and Utena herself munching on an Egg McMuffin. Utena gestured at the bag. "I got breakfast."
Juri looked at the clock. "You get up early."
"I go for a run every morning. I hope you like McDonald's."
Juri pulled on her underwear, walked over to the table, and unwrapped a sandwich. "Sure, though it's been a while."
Utena nodded. "I know I shouldn't, but I can't give up junk food. At least I exercise a lot."
"You said you run?"
"Yeah. I play basketball whenever I can get a game. Tough guys don't usually like to share the court with a woman." She grinned. "They change their tune after I beat them. Really, I like most sports. I was probably a jock in school."
Juri looked at her curiously. "Probably?"
Utena flinched, almost imperceptibly. "Never mind. What about you? What do you do in your spare time?"
Juri allowed the subject change. "I like to bowl." She caught Utena's disbelieving expression. "Don't knock it. It's fun, and I'm good at it."
Utena ducked her head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be insulting."
"Don't worry, most people don't believe it at first. I work to stay in shape, but bowling's the only thing I really feel passionate about. I used to fence, but I haven't kept up with it." The room slid out of focus, and Juri shook her head. Utena was staring at her. "I zoned out, didn't I? Sorry."
"It's okay." There was a strange note in Utena's voice. Surely, a little light-headedness wouldn't be enough to scare her off? Juri reproached herself for bringing up fencing. The spells frequently happened when she brought up the past.
Perhaps noticing Juri's worry, Utena leaned over and kissed her. "I need a shower. Do you want to go first?"
"No, go ahead." Juri lifted her sandwich. "I still need to finish breakfast." Juri finished eating, then located her clothes. Once she was sure she had everything, she looked around the room. She knew nothing about Utena other than the fact that she liked to play basketball. Disappointingly, the room yielded few clues. There was standard hotel furniture and a cheap paperback on the nightstand. Juri picked up the book and thumbed through it. The bathroom door opened, and Juri jerked her head up to see Utena gazing at her. "Sorry," she said, putting the book down.
Utena shrugged. "It's okay. I don't blame you for getting bored in here."
Juri examined the book's cover. "I wouldn't have expected you to read romance novels."
Utena shrugged again. "They're all lies but I read them anyway." The mysterious, vulnerable woman Juri had met in the bar was back. Juri had been drawn to that woman, but she liked the regular Utena better. "I should go," Juri said. "After I shower."
"Oh. Yeah, sure." Juri hoped she wasn't imagining the disappointment in Utena's voice.
"Can I see you again?"
Utena nodded. "Keep hanging out at that bar. I'll be there."
It was less direct than Juri would have liked, and she wished she hadn't inadvertently pushed Utena back into her shell. "Sure," she agreed, not wanting to push any further. She took a quick shower, pulled on her wrinkled clothes, and hurried out the door. But she risked giving Utena a brief kiss on her way out, and was relieved when Utena returned it.
Juri was at Lilies every night, rebuffing every woman who came up to her. She was starting to worry, when Utena walked in on the fourth night and sat down beside Juri. "Shall I get you a drink?" Juri asked, hoping she sounded nonchalant.
Utena kissed her. "I thought we'd head straight to my place."
Juri didn't need to be told twice. By the time they arrived at Utena's room, Juri was wet and aching. "I can't stay the night," she explained, kissing Utena passionately. "I have to be at work early tomorrow morning."
"What do you do?" Utena asked as she reached under Juri's shirt to unhook her bra.
"Fashion photographer," Juri replied, her voice muffled.
Utena paused. "Not what I would have expected."
"I used to model in high school."
Utena ran her hands over Juri's breasts. "That I can believe."
"What about you?" Juri inquired as they made their way over to the bed. "Are you a secret heiress who lives in mediocre hotels for fun, or do you work like the rest of us?"
Stepping out of her pants, Utena laughed. "I do a lot of things. Deliveries, odd jobs, whatever needs doing. It pays the bills." She gasped and and didn't say anything for several moments as Juri caressed and licked her breasts. "Turn over," she said when she got her breath back. "I want to eat you out."
Just the thought of it made Juri moan. Whatever Utena might have lacked in experience, she made up for in enthusiasm, and Juri came hard.
They held each other for several minutes before Juri reluctantly got up. "I really do have to go."
Utena kissed her cheek. "I know. I'll see you later."
"Do you want to meet at Lilies again?" Utena nodded, and while Juri would have at least liked to exchange phone numbers, she didn't press. Whatever was growing between Utena and her was still new and tenuous, and Juri wasn't willing to risk it.
They continued that way for a couple of weeks. Meeting at the bar, sometimes having a few drinks, then always heading back to Utena's room for vigorous sex. It was a comfortable routine that satisfied Utena and usually Juri. Sometimes though, Juri wanted more. One night, as they were lying in bed, she looked around the bland room and asked a question that had been on her mind for a while. "Aren't you tired of living here? I could help you look for an apartment." She didn't say "Or you could share with me." It was too much too soon.
Utena stilled. "I don't intend to stay," she said haltingly.
Oh. Juri should have thought of that. It explained a lot. "How long will you stay?"
"I don't know. Until it's time to move on." Utena was silent for a long time. "I'm looking for someone," she finally admitted softly.
"Who?" Juri wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.
"I'm not sure. I'll know her when I see her. I just have to keep looking."
Juri brushed her fingers against Utena's cheek. "You love her."
"Yes." Utena gazed searchingly at Juri. "Have you ever loved like that?"
I could love you like that, if you'd let me, Juri thought. "Once," she confessed. "A long time ago."
"She must have been special."
Juri smiled, soft and sad. "She was the most ordinary, most spectacular girl in the world. Or so it seemed at the time."
"What was her name?"
"Shiori." It didn't hurt like it once did, saying her name. Time may not heal all wounds, but it can lessen them. "We were children, and I loved as a child loves."
"What happened?"
"She tore out my heart." She remembered in flashes. Shiori's delicate fingers on her chest. The locket. The sword. The pain.
"Juri, Juri." Utena was shaking her gently. Juri's vision cleared, and a look of relief washed over Utena's face. "You went somewhere else again."
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize." Utena stroked Juri's hair. "If this Shiori girl broke your heart, then I don't like much of her taste."
Like I said," Juri's voice was rough, "we were children. I hope you find her," she said after a long period of quiet. "Your mystery woman."
Utena sighed sleepily. "Me too."
After that, things were different. Sometimes, Juri could nearly forget that Utena could be gone any day, and things felt almost normal. But other times, it was all she could think about. Their lovemaking was desperate on those nights, and Juri would try to stay awake as long as possible afterward. "I'm not gone yet," Utena would whisper.
When Utena walked into Lilies almost exactly one month since the two of them had first met, Juri knew it was time. There was something sad in Utena's smile and something distant in her eyes. "One last drink?" Juri offered.
"More than one, I think." Utena replied, her smile becoming more solid.
"I don't think I can come back here," Juri said as she nursed her third drink. "It will remind me too much of you."
Utena shook her head. "You should keep coming. You never know who you might meet." She drained her glass. Let's go back to my place."
In the hotel room, they undressed each other slowly, almost reverently. "I meant what I said earlier." Utena's breath was warm against Juri's neck. "I don't want you to stop living your life, Juri. I'm not worth that."
"What about you?" Juri challenged. "Living from hotel to hotel, working odd jobs to scrape by. Is that living your life? Is your mystery woman worth that?"
"Yes," Utena answered simply.
Juri sighed, resigned. "That's that then." She held on tight to Utena. "I have so many questions. I think you could answer them, if I only knew how to ask."
"I'll come back," Utena promised. "Once I've found her, I'll come back, and we can all find the answers together."
"It won't be the same."
"No, but it might be better." Then Utena dipped her hand between Juri's legs, and they didn't speak for the rest of the night.
When Juri woke, Utena was already dressed. "I'm sorry I have to go," she told Juri.
Juri thought about it. "No, you're not. Because you want to find her."
Utena smiled softly. "You're right."
"You will come back?"
"I promised, didn't I? It's a vow. I'd never break a vow."
In that moment, Juri fully realized just how much she was going to miss Utena, who could go from mysterious, to playful, to strange in the blink of an eye. Juri drew Utena into a long kiss. "I won't be waiting for you."
"Good."
"But I'll be glad to see you."
Utena's smile grew bright and shining. "Even better."
Despite what she had said, Juri went to Lilies that night. She flirted a little with the regulars and everything seemed a bit more normal.
"Where's your friend?" Sakura asked as she poured Juri a drink.
"Gone," Juri told her.
"That's too bad." Sakura gave Juri a sympathetic look. "She really brought you out of your shell."
"If the chick cannot break out of its shell, it will die without being born," Juri murmured. She remembered an elevator and a tower reaching up to the sky. She looked around in surprise. The world hadn't faded out like usual; everything was still sharp and clear.
"What did you say?" Sakura asked.
"Nothing." Juri waved the question away. "I just remembered something important." She raised her glass to Utena and her mystery woman, wherever they were. "To revolution," she toasted quietly, before knocking the drink back.
This entry was originally posted at http://veleda-k.dreamwidth.org/298208.html. Please consider commenting there.
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Pairing: Juri/Utena, implied Anthy/Utena, past Juri/Shiori
Rating: NC-17
Word count: ~2800
Contains: Graphic sex
Summary: When the stranger walks into Juri's regular bar, she's intrigued. But as the two grow closer, the past may be stronger than either can deny. Spoilers for the end of the series.
A/N: Written for
femslash12, for
outstretched. Title from "Closing Time" by Semisonic.
Juri noticed the new girl right away. Lilies was a tiny bar that catered to regulars. Most nights, Juri knew everyone in the bar. It was usually comforting and intimate, but sometimes it felt stifling and almost incestuous. Other than the stranger, Juri had slept with everyone currently there--including the staff--at least once. Someone new was news.
Several patrons tried to get the woman’s attention, but she ignored them and sat down next to Juri. Her vivid blue eyes were wide, and she looked around periodically, as if she needed to remind herself where she was. New to the city, Juri figured. Or maybe newly out.
She was attractive, lean and well-toned. Juri normally liked softer, more delicate women, but the unfamiliar woman had an air of vulnerability that appealed to Juri. “Can I get you a drink?”
The woman looked at Juri in surprise. “Sure,” she said after a brief pause.
Juri called out to the bartender. “Sakura, bring out my bottle. What’s your name?” she asked, turning back to the stranger.
This time the pause was longer. “Utena,” the woman finally said.
Juri wondered if it was a fake name. Some women did that here. “I’m Juri,” she said, raising her glass. Utena smiled slightly and met Juri’s toast.
They drank mostly in silence, exchanging only a few snatches of conversation. Eventually, Utena stood up. “It’s late. I should go.”
Juri grinned. “What, do you turn into a pumpkin if you stay out past midnight?”
Utena blinked at her. “No," she replied, completely serious. “I’m just tired.”
Juri raised an eyebrow. “I was joking.”
“Oh.” Utena stood to go, and her fingers brushed against Juri’s.
Juri felt a charge go through her. She reached out and grasped Utena’s arm. She leaned in close. “Where are you staying?”
For a moment, Juri thought Utena wouldn't answer, but then she replied in a soft but steady voice, "Hotel, fifteen minutes away."
Juri hadn't thought of herself as the type to have a nearly anonymous one night stand, but here she was in Utena's hotel room, not knowing anything more than the woman's given name. "I don't normally do this," she said, though she wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if she cared if Utena, or anyone, thought she was easy. But it seemed important, for some reason, to let Utena know that there was something special about her.
Utena's lips quirked into a smile. "I'll bet you say that to all the girls."
It was the first sign of humor Utena had shown all night, and Juri laughed. "If I promise you you're special, will you take your clothes off?"
"I'm going to take my clothes off anyway." Sure enough Utena pulled off her shirt and unhooked her bra. Her breasts were firm, slightly smaller than Juri's, and they looked soft. Juri walked up and cupped one in her hand. She brushed her thumb of the nipple before kissing the top of the breast. Utena shuddered. In a smooth motion, Juri undid Utena's jeans and pushed them to the floor. Completely naked, Utena lay down on the bed. Juri quickly stripped off her own clothing and joined her.
Their kisses were a little awkward at first, but soon touching Utena felt like the most natural thing in the world. Utena lay there and let Juri kiss along the lines of body, but when Juri went to press her lips between Utena's legs, Utena tensed. Juri looked up. "Are you all right?"
Utena nodded. "I just haven't done this very much."
"Sex with a woman, or sex in general?"
Utena pursed her lips. "Sex in general. I, uh, don't go home with people much."
Juri smiled. "So, now I'm the special one."
Utena gave a relieved laugh. "And I don't say that to all the girls."
"Do you want to stop? Or go slower?"
Utena shook her head. "I think I want to touch you."
"Okay." Juri obliging stretched out and let Utena map her body with her fingertips. Utena's movements were slow and deliberate, and Juri wanted to beg her to go faster, but she stayed silent, determined to let Utena go at her own pace.
Utena's fingers rested on Juri's thigh for a minute before she slipped inside her. Juri groaned. Utena's fingers were uncertain but not fumbling. She bent down lower and wrapped her tongue around Juri's nipple as her fingers explored Juri's cunt. Juri's fingers scrabbled against the bed. When she came, she was certain she woke the entire floor with her cries. She reached up and ran her fingers through Utena's hair. "Fuck," she whispered. Utena giggled. She looked younger now. She had lost the mysterious air she had had in the bar. Juri didn't mind in the least. "It's your turn now," she said lasciviously. Nervousness gone, Utena flopped gown on the bed. Juri started slowly, doing her best to coax as many moans and whimpers from Utena as she could, but her patience had limits, and finally she spread Utena's legs and pressed her tongue inside. Utena jerked wildly, and Juri placed her hands firmly on Utena's hips to keep her still. Done teasing, Juri went for Utena's clit after a few experimental licks. Utena moaned and her hands went to her breasts, which she started rubbing, matching the rhythm of Juri's tongue. It didn't take her long to come.
Utena absently stroked Juri's stomach as they curled up beside each other. Juri kissed the top of Utena's head, and Utena mumbled something sleepily, but Juri couldn't hear what it was. That was the last thing she remembered before drifting off to sleep.
Juri awoke to see a McDonald's bag sitting on Utena's little table and Utena herself munching on an Egg McMuffin. Utena gestured at the bag. "I got breakfast."
Juri looked at the clock. "You get up early."
"I go for a run every morning. I hope you like McDonald's."
Juri pulled on her underwear, walked over to the table, and unwrapped a sandwich. "Sure, though it's been a while."
Utena nodded. "I know I shouldn't, but I can't give up junk food. At least I exercise a lot."
"You said you run?"
"Yeah. I play basketball whenever I can get a game. Tough guys don't usually like to share the court with a woman." She grinned. "They change their tune after I beat them. Really, I like most sports. I was probably a jock in school."
Juri looked at her curiously. "Probably?"
Utena flinched, almost imperceptibly. "Never mind. What about you? What do you do in your spare time?"
Juri allowed the subject change. "I like to bowl." She caught Utena's disbelieving expression. "Don't knock it. It's fun, and I'm good at it."
Utena ducked her head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be insulting."
"Don't worry, most people don't believe it at first. I work to stay in shape, but bowling's the only thing I really feel passionate about. I used to fence, but I haven't kept up with it." The room slid out of focus, and Juri shook her head. Utena was staring at her. "I zoned out, didn't I? Sorry."
"It's okay." There was a strange note in Utena's voice. Surely, a little light-headedness wouldn't be enough to scare her off? Juri reproached herself for bringing up fencing. The spells frequently happened when she brought up the past.
Perhaps noticing Juri's worry, Utena leaned over and kissed her. "I need a shower. Do you want to go first?"
"No, go ahead." Juri lifted her sandwich. "I still need to finish breakfast." Juri finished eating, then located her clothes. Once she was sure she had everything, she looked around the room. She knew nothing about Utena other than the fact that she liked to play basketball. Disappointingly, the room yielded few clues. There was standard hotel furniture and a cheap paperback on the nightstand. Juri picked up the book and thumbed through it. The bathroom door opened, and Juri jerked her head up to see Utena gazing at her. "Sorry," she said, putting the book down.
Utena shrugged. "It's okay. I don't blame you for getting bored in here."
Juri examined the book's cover. "I wouldn't have expected you to read romance novels."
Utena shrugged again. "They're all lies but I read them anyway." The mysterious, vulnerable woman Juri had met in the bar was back. Juri had been drawn to that woman, but she liked the regular Utena better. "I should go," Juri said. "After I shower."
"Oh. Yeah, sure." Juri hoped she wasn't imagining the disappointment in Utena's voice.
"Can I see you again?"
Utena nodded. "Keep hanging out at that bar. I'll be there."
It was less direct than Juri would have liked, and she wished she hadn't inadvertently pushed Utena back into her shell. "Sure," she agreed, not wanting to push any further. She took a quick shower, pulled on her wrinkled clothes, and hurried out the door. But she risked giving Utena a brief kiss on her way out, and was relieved when Utena returned it.
Juri was at Lilies every night, rebuffing every woman who came up to her. She was starting to worry, when Utena walked in on the fourth night and sat down beside Juri. "Shall I get you a drink?" Juri asked, hoping she sounded nonchalant.
Utena kissed her. "I thought we'd head straight to my place."
Juri didn't need to be told twice. By the time they arrived at Utena's room, Juri was wet and aching. "I can't stay the night," she explained, kissing Utena passionately. "I have to be at work early tomorrow morning."
"What do you do?" Utena asked as she reached under Juri's shirt to unhook her bra.
"Fashion photographer," Juri replied, her voice muffled.
Utena paused. "Not what I would have expected."
"I used to model in high school."
Utena ran her hands over Juri's breasts. "That I can believe."
"What about you?" Juri inquired as they made their way over to the bed. "Are you a secret heiress who lives in mediocre hotels for fun, or do you work like the rest of us?"
Stepping out of her pants, Utena laughed. "I do a lot of things. Deliveries, odd jobs, whatever needs doing. It pays the bills." She gasped and and didn't say anything for several moments as Juri caressed and licked her breasts. "Turn over," she said when she got her breath back. "I want to eat you out."
Just the thought of it made Juri moan. Whatever Utena might have lacked in experience, she made up for in enthusiasm, and Juri came hard.
They held each other for several minutes before Juri reluctantly got up. "I really do have to go."
Utena kissed her cheek. "I know. I'll see you later."
"Do you want to meet at Lilies again?" Utena nodded, and while Juri would have at least liked to exchange phone numbers, she didn't press. Whatever was growing between Utena and her was still new and tenuous, and Juri wasn't willing to risk it.
They continued that way for a couple of weeks. Meeting at the bar, sometimes having a few drinks, then always heading back to Utena's room for vigorous sex. It was a comfortable routine that satisfied Utena and usually Juri. Sometimes though, Juri wanted more. One night, as they were lying in bed, she looked around the bland room and asked a question that had been on her mind for a while. "Aren't you tired of living here? I could help you look for an apartment." She didn't say "Or you could share with me." It was too much too soon.
Utena stilled. "I don't intend to stay," she said haltingly.
Oh. Juri should have thought of that. It explained a lot. "How long will you stay?"
"I don't know. Until it's time to move on." Utena was silent for a long time. "I'm looking for someone," she finally admitted softly.
"Who?" Juri wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.
"I'm not sure. I'll know her when I see her. I just have to keep looking."
Juri brushed her fingers against Utena's cheek. "You love her."
"Yes." Utena gazed searchingly at Juri. "Have you ever loved like that?"
I could love you like that, if you'd let me, Juri thought. "Once," she confessed. "A long time ago."
"She must have been special."
Juri smiled, soft and sad. "She was the most ordinary, most spectacular girl in the world. Or so it seemed at the time."
"What was her name?"
"Shiori." It didn't hurt like it once did, saying her name. Time may not heal all wounds, but it can lessen them. "We were children, and I loved as a child loves."
"What happened?"
"She tore out my heart." She remembered in flashes. Shiori's delicate fingers on her chest. The locket. The sword. The pain.
"Juri, Juri." Utena was shaking her gently. Juri's vision cleared, and a look of relief washed over Utena's face. "You went somewhere else again."
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize." Utena stroked Juri's hair. "If this Shiori girl broke your heart, then I don't like much of her taste."
Like I said," Juri's voice was rough, "we were children. I hope you find her," she said after a long period of quiet. "Your mystery woman."
Utena sighed sleepily. "Me too."
After that, things were different. Sometimes, Juri could nearly forget that Utena could be gone any day, and things felt almost normal. But other times, it was all she could think about. Their lovemaking was desperate on those nights, and Juri would try to stay awake as long as possible afterward. "I'm not gone yet," Utena would whisper.
When Utena walked into Lilies almost exactly one month since the two of them had first met, Juri knew it was time. There was something sad in Utena's smile and something distant in her eyes. "One last drink?" Juri offered.
"More than one, I think." Utena replied, her smile becoming more solid.
"I don't think I can come back here," Juri said as she nursed her third drink. "It will remind me too much of you."
Utena shook her head. "You should keep coming. You never know who you might meet." She drained her glass. Let's go back to my place."
In the hotel room, they undressed each other slowly, almost reverently. "I meant what I said earlier." Utena's breath was warm against Juri's neck. "I don't want you to stop living your life, Juri. I'm not worth that."
"What about you?" Juri challenged. "Living from hotel to hotel, working odd jobs to scrape by. Is that living your life? Is your mystery woman worth that?"
"Yes," Utena answered simply.
Juri sighed, resigned. "That's that then." She held on tight to Utena. "I have so many questions. I think you could answer them, if I only knew how to ask."
"I'll come back," Utena promised. "Once I've found her, I'll come back, and we can all find the answers together."
"It won't be the same."
"No, but it might be better." Then Utena dipped her hand between Juri's legs, and they didn't speak for the rest of the night.
When Juri woke, Utena was already dressed. "I'm sorry I have to go," she told Juri.
Juri thought about it. "No, you're not. Because you want to find her."
Utena smiled softly. "You're right."
"You will come back?"
"I promised, didn't I? It's a vow. I'd never break a vow."
In that moment, Juri fully realized just how much she was going to miss Utena, who could go from mysterious, to playful, to strange in the blink of an eye. Juri drew Utena into a long kiss. "I won't be waiting for you."
"Good."
"But I'll be glad to see you."
Utena's smile grew bright and shining. "Even better."
Despite what she had said, Juri went to Lilies that night. She flirted a little with the regulars and everything seemed a bit more normal.
"Where's your friend?" Sakura asked as she poured Juri a drink.
"Gone," Juri told her.
"That's too bad." Sakura gave Juri a sympathetic look. "She really brought you out of your shell."
"If the chick cannot break out of its shell, it will die without being born," Juri murmured. She remembered an elevator and a tower reaching up to the sky. She looked around in surprise. The world hadn't faded out like usual; everything was still sharp and clear.
"What did you say?" Sakura asked.
"Nothing." Juri waved the question away. "I just remembered something important." She raised her glass to Utena and her mystery woman, wherever they were. "To revolution," she toasted quietly, before knocking the drink back.
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