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So, I finally went ahead and bought a paid dreamwidth account. La, la, la, money burns a hole in my pocket.
But that's not what I came here to talk to you about. I came to talk about the draft books.
So, for the past few months, I've been on an Arthurian legend kick. No, I have absolutely no idea where it came from, why do you ask? It certainly doesn't have anything to do with a certain British television show, no. I've reread The Lost Years of Merlin quartet, and I Am Morgan le Fay, both of which I recommend. I also read The Once and Future King and The Book of Merlyn. The former is indispensable, while the latter certainly has lovely prose, but I'm not sure that I really needed nearly two-hundred pages of T. H. White's political views put into the mouths of Merlin and Arthur. However, both did manage to break my heart. Oh, how I cried at the end of The Once and Future King. (Aside: I was at my mom's, and when she asked me why I had been crying, I told her that I had just finished The Once and Future King. She thought that I said Lord of the Rings and couldn't figure out why I was so bloody depressed.)
I'm now reading Le Morte Darthur by Sir Thomas Malory. Virtually every version of Arthur's story that you've encountered--from Disney's "The Sword and the Stone", to The Mists of Avalon, to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"--are somehow based on Malory. This can create the problem in which people assume that Malory's version is the "original story." Every time someone rants that BBC's Merlin has deviated from the original legend, I want to chime in, "Yeah! They put in an attraction between Guinevere and Lancelot! That wasn't in the 6th-century poems! Hell, Lancelot wasn't there at all!" But I'm contrary that way.
Anyway, I was nervous about starting the book. What if it was boring or impossible to understand? (To quote Mark Twain, "A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.") But my version, which is edited by R. M. Lumiansky, is very readable. Lumiansky (mostly) modernized the spelling, replaced some archaic words with words familiar to the modern reader, and cleared up some pronoun usage. Hardly a bastardization of the text, and it creates a book that I can actually read, unlike the versions I looked at in the school library.
I'm only to page three hundred and seventy (out of seven hundred and fifty), so I can't fully discuss it. So far, my favorite story is Sir Gareth's, which I present to you here, slightly paraphrased.
King Arthur's Court: *Doing court type things*
Random dude: Hi, can I have some requests?
Arthur: Yeah, okay. What's your name?
Random dude: Not telling. *Is actually Gareth, Arthur's nephew, but doesn't tell anyone this* Can I have food?
Arthur: Of course.
Sir Kay: Ha, he's clearly a loser. He can work in the kitchens and I'll make fun of him by calling him Beaumains, which means "fair hands".
Veleda: You know, Kay, you're a bit of a jerk. I think I like you.
*Time passes*
Lynet: Hello, I'm a damsel in distress. My sister's castle is under siege by an evil knight. Anyone want to help?
Beaumains: I will!
Lynet: ...Anyone who's not a kitchen boy?
Beaumains: Hey, King Arthur, remember when you said I could have some requests?
Arthur: Yes.
Beaumains: I want this quest.
Arthur: Sure.
Lynet: Dammit.
*So Beaumains and Lynet go on their quest*
Lynet: You suck. I mean, you suck lots. I am amazed at just how much you suck.
Antagonist knight: Rar!
Beaumains: *defeats*
Lynet: You just got lucky. In fact, I feel sorry for that knight, getting beaten by someone who sucks as much as you.
Beaumains: Uh, could you stop?
Lynet: No, you suck.
*Many antagonist knights show up, and Beaumains defeats them all.*
Lynet: You're still just winning by luck. Also, you continue to suck.
Beaumains: What is your problem?
Lynet: My problem is that you suck.
*Beaumains defeats yet another antagonist knight*
Lynet: I was was so wrong about you! You do not suck, and you are surely some sort of nobility. There is no discernible reason for my sudden change of opinion. So, uh, sorry about the constant verbal abuse.
Beaumains: Don't worry about it. We're good.
Then a lot of other stuff happens, and everyone finds out that Beaumains is actually Gareth. He defeats the big bad and marries Lynet's sister, Dame Lyones. I actually found Dame Lyones and Gareth pretty amusing together. See, they really want to have sex, and they don't want to wait until they're married. So, they keep trying to sneak away. But Lynet isn't having any of that. She creates a magic knight that keeps showing up and attacking them just as they're about to get it on. Gareth keeps defeating it, and Lynet keeps putting it back together. Finally Gareth and Dame Lyones get married out of exasperation.
In some versions of the story, however, it's Lynet and Gareth who hook up. I like that idea too. It's very Slap Slap Kiss.
Of course, I'm likely so fond of Lynet because she has an actual discernible personality. Sure that personality is being jerk, but at least it's something. Sir Malory was apparently writing before they invented characterization. Most of the characters act largely the same, with a few jerks (Lynet, Kay). Or you can be evil. But the evil people act mostly the same, and they often become good, at least if they're men. See, you become good by being defeated in honorable combat. Women cannot be defeated in honorable combat, so they have no way to become good. Oh, and there's one character who's a coward. Sir Dinadan, if I remember correctly.
Note that I'm having difficulty remembering which character is which, after just reading the portion that he appears in. This is because there are so many bloody characters. I've given up trying to remember all the names of the various knights who show up.
I'm currently in the middle of the Tristram and Isoud story, which may explain why I'm losing momentum. I never could really get into their story. Maybe it's because they're mostly portrayed as being the victims of a love potion, and I can't get behind a grand great love that's artificially induced. At least with Malory, they love each other before. The love potion just cements things.
Or maybe I'm simply losing momentum because I'm just a little more than halfway through a seven hundred and fifty page book that's highly repetitive, with characters who all sound alike. And it is repetitive. The various battles all run into each other after a while, the story of La Cote Male Tayle is largely Sir Gareth's story all over again, and I still maintain that Tristram and Isoud are a poor man's Lancelot and Guinevere. Maybe I should take a break and read something else a little simpler. I have been wanting to reread the Harry Potter novels. Of course, that would mean going to the library, and I'm not supposed to leave the house for a few more days.
So, that's my book rambling. Don't you feel edified?
But that's not what I came here to talk to you about. I came to talk about the draft books.
So, for the past few months, I've been on an Arthurian legend kick. No, I have absolutely no idea where it came from, why do you ask? It certainly doesn't have anything to do with a certain British television show, no. I've reread The Lost Years of Merlin quartet, and I Am Morgan le Fay, both of which I recommend. I also read The Once and Future King and The Book of Merlyn. The former is indispensable, while the latter certainly has lovely prose, but I'm not sure that I really needed nearly two-hundred pages of T. H. White's political views put into the mouths of Merlin and Arthur. However, both did manage to break my heart. Oh, how I cried at the end of The Once and Future King. (Aside: I was at my mom's, and when she asked me why I had been crying, I told her that I had just finished The Once and Future King. She thought that I said Lord of the Rings and couldn't figure out why I was so bloody depressed.)
I'm now reading Le Morte Darthur by Sir Thomas Malory. Virtually every version of Arthur's story that you've encountered--from Disney's "The Sword and the Stone", to The Mists of Avalon, to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"--are somehow based on Malory. This can create the problem in which people assume that Malory's version is the "original story." Every time someone rants that BBC's Merlin has deviated from the original legend, I want to chime in, "Yeah! They put in an attraction between Guinevere and Lancelot! That wasn't in the 6th-century poems! Hell, Lancelot wasn't there at all!" But I'm contrary that way.
Anyway, I was nervous about starting the book. What if it was boring or impossible to understand? (To quote Mark Twain, "A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.") But my version, which is edited by R. M. Lumiansky, is very readable. Lumiansky (mostly) modernized the spelling, replaced some archaic words with words familiar to the modern reader, and cleared up some pronoun usage. Hardly a bastardization of the text, and it creates a book that I can actually read, unlike the versions I looked at in the school library.
I'm only to page three hundred and seventy (out of seven hundred and fifty), so I can't fully discuss it. So far, my favorite story is Sir Gareth's, which I present to you here, slightly paraphrased.
King Arthur's Court: *Doing court type things*
Random dude: Hi, can I have some requests?
Arthur: Yeah, okay. What's your name?
Random dude: Not telling. *Is actually Gareth, Arthur's nephew, but doesn't tell anyone this* Can I have food?
Arthur: Of course.
Sir Kay: Ha, he's clearly a loser. He can work in the kitchens and I'll make fun of him by calling him Beaumains, which means "fair hands".
Veleda: You know, Kay, you're a bit of a jerk. I think I like you.
*Time passes*
Lynet: Hello, I'm a damsel in distress. My sister's castle is under siege by an evil knight. Anyone want to help?
Beaumains: I will!
Lynet: ...Anyone who's not a kitchen boy?
Beaumains: Hey, King Arthur, remember when you said I could have some requests?
Arthur: Yes.
Beaumains: I want this quest.
Arthur: Sure.
Lynet: Dammit.
*So Beaumains and Lynet go on their quest*
Lynet: You suck. I mean, you suck lots. I am amazed at just how much you suck.
Antagonist knight: Rar!
Beaumains: *defeats*
Lynet: You just got lucky. In fact, I feel sorry for that knight, getting beaten by someone who sucks as much as you.
Beaumains: Uh, could you stop?
Lynet: No, you suck.
*Many antagonist knights show up, and Beaumains defeats them all.*
Lynet: You're still just winning by luck. Also, you continue to suck.
Beaumains: What is your problem?
Lynet: My problem is that you suck.
*Beaumains defeats yet another antagonist knight*
Lynet: I was was so wrong about you! You do not suck, and you are surely some sort of nobility. There is no discernible reason for my sudden change of opinion. So, uh, sorry about the constant verbal abuse.
Beaumains: Don't worry about it. We're good.
Then a lot of other stuff happens, and everyone finds out that Beaumains is actually Gareth. He defeats the big bad and marries Lynet's sister, Dame Lyones. I actually found Dame Lyones and Gareth pretty amusing together. See, they really want to have sex, and they don't want to wait until they're married. So, they keep trying to sneak away. But Lynet isn't having any of that. She creates a magic knight that keeps showing up and attacking them just as they're about to get it on. Gareth keeps defeating it, and Lynet keeps putting it back together. Finally Gareth and Dame Lyones get married out of exasperation.
In some versions of the story, however, it's Lynet and Gareth who hook up. I like that idea too. It's very Slap Slap Kiss.
Of course, I'm likely so fond of Lynet because she has an actual discernible personality. Sure that personality is being jerk, but at least it's something. Sir Malory was apparently writing before they invented characterization. Most of the characters act largely the same, with a few jerks (Lynet, Kay). Or you can be evil. But the evil people act mostly the same, and they often become good, at least if they're men. See, you become good by being defeated in honorable combat. Women cannot be defeated in honorable combat, so they have no way to become good. Oh, and there's one character who's a coward. Sir Dinadan, if I remember correctly.
Note that I'm having difficulty remembering which character is which, after just reading the portion that he appears in. This is because there are so many bloody characters. I've given up trying to remember all the names of the various knights who show up.
I'm currently in the middle of the Tristram and Isoud story, which may explain why I'm losing momentum. I never could really get into their story. Maybe it's because they're mostly portrayed as being the victims of a love potion, and I can't get behind a grand great love that's artificially induced. At least with Malory, they love each other before. The love potion just cements things.
Or maybe I'm simply losing momentum because I'm just a little more than halfway through a seven hundred and fifty page book that's highly repetitive, with characters who all sound alike. And it is repetitive. The various battles all run into each other after a while, the story of La Cote Male Tayle is largely Sir Gareth's story all over again, and I still maintain that Tristram and Isoud are a poor man's Lancelot and Guinevere. Maybe I should take a break and read something else a little simpler. I have been wanting to reread the Harry Potter novels. Of course, that would mean going to the library, and I'm not supposed to leave the house for a few more days.
So, that's my book rambling. Don't you feel edified?