Friendship.
I woke up this morning contemplating my friends (why yes.. of course this Working would end up needing to change my relationships with others...AGAIN ) Seriously though.. I found myself not only reflecting upon how amazing the people are that are in my life.. both close and distant.. like serpentbones who has been one of my best friends that I speak to almost every day for.. what is it? 12 years? or anaisdjuna who lives far away with whom I primarily communicate with via FB & LJ. All just phenomenal people. I've always been very blessed with 'social' wealth.. with smart, loyal, deep, sparkly, playful gods and goddesses to grow with and love. There are many of these gods that I only see irregularly and wish I could be closer with should we find the time and space..should we blessed with an opportunity to deepen our friendship.. but even with those friends..there is something that calls me.. something deep ..something primal.
Friendship is an odd thing.
I used to think that my friendships were primarily derived from the projects that I participated in but the truth of the matter is that that often project friends are not long-term friends, they are project friends... They can become long-term friends and my closest friends are those friends I collaborate with.. but the bulk of my deepest friendships are people I do projects with occasionally but not all the time. I used to define friendship by 'similarity of goals' and 'similarity of interests' but this is a very cerebral way to attempt to understand something that is fundamentally irrational in nature. This awareness and acceptance of the deep irrationality of love is blossoming in me as spring dawns.. is forcing me to re-evaluate how I define my relationships and relate to those I love. When I look at my close friends, there is a lot of diversity amongst them. Some people I share lots of interests with and others only some ..and yet.. something binds.. something continually brings us back together. Something magnetic makes it hard for us to keep apart even with the hustle and bustle of daily life.
It is somewhat of a mystery this.. LOVE. We can write all the lists of what we want in a partner and make charts about our needs and desires but when it comes down to it none of those things are what makes us feel that spark of love for another. Someone can show up with the perfect list and your heart just doesn't sing when you see them. Another can show up with almost nothing on your list, and your heart opens like a sunflower catching the rays of the SUN. Breathtakingly beautiful and completely mysterious. Sure, when you love someone you can always point to all the things you love about them..all the qualities that make them who they are..but those qualities alone do not ensure love.. they are only what our rational mind uses to make sense out of an encounter with the MYSTERY. My friendships are like that too... It's some strange mix of chemistry, compatibility, ease of lifestyle enmeshment, mutual projects, the ability to CHILL, and .. something ELSE .. something that is the glitter of the wings of the DIVINE as they land down ever so briefly to brush your heart leaving a golden sheen that warms the core of your being whenever you are with that person. This is LOVE.
As a magician we court this angel's touch.. we court this grace so that we can extend the MYSTERY of LOVE to all beings. So that we are caught in wonder upon meeting strangers in the street. So that our heart delights in the unknown faces at the grocery story. So that we are breathless when gazing at a rose and feel the silent intimacy when gazing into the eyes of a neighbor's cat. We court this mystery amongst all things.. we mystics sing songs and dance we meditate.. we chant.. we do all sorts of things.. to court the GRACE of this ANGEL ... and some say that when the angel descends.. ze brings the Wine of God and some even say that that this wine brings Immortality. Secret o' Secret.
Love is not rational at all. You can't force yourself to love the world because it seems the right thing to to do.. You can 'act' as if you do ...at least kind of .. but when you love someone it is your reflexive nature to think about how your actions might affect them. It isn't conscious because that LOVE acts in the deepest parts of the psyche subtly shifting our perception and our heuristic analyses of the stream of situations and issues that arrive at our doorstep.
This morning I am taken aback by LOVE, I am marveling in it.. basking in it.. opening myself and courting the angel..
This morning I am LOVE.
Friendship is an odd thing.
I used to think that my friendships were primarily derived from the projects that I participated in but the truth of the matter is that that often project friends are not long-term friends, they are project friends... They can become long-term friends and my closest friends are those friends I collaborate with.. but the bulk of my deepest friendships are people I do projects with occasionally but not all the time. I used to define friendship by 'similarity of goals' and 'similarity of interests' but this is a very cerebral way to attempt to understand something that is fundamentally irrational in nature. This awareness and acceptance of the deep irrationality of love is blossoming in me as spring dawns.. is forcing me to re-evaluate how I define my relationships and relate to those I love. When I look at my close friends, there is a lot of diversity amongst them. Some people I share lots of interests with and others only some ..and yet.. something binds.. something continually brings us back together. Something magnetic makes it hard for us to keep apart even with the hustle and bustle of daily life.
It is somewhat of a mystery this.. LOVE. We can write all the lists of what we want in a partner and make charts about our needs and desires but when it comes down to it none of those things are what makes us feel that spark of love for another. Someone can show up with the perfect list and your heart just doesn't sing when you see them. Another can show up with almost nothing on your list, and your heart opens like a sunflower catching the rays of the SUN. Breathtakingly beautiful and completely mysterious. Sure, when you love someone you can always point to all the things you love about them..all the qualities that make them who they are..but those qualities alone do not ensure love.. they are only what our rational mind uses to make sense out of an encounter with the MYSTERY. My friendships are like that too... It's some strange mix of chemistry, compatibility, ease of lifestyle enmeshment, mutual projects, the ability to CHILL, and .. something ELSE .. something that is the glitter of the wings of the DIVINE as they land down ever so briefly to brush your heart leaving a golden sheen that warms the core of your being whenever you are with that person. This is LOVE.
As a magician we court this angel's touch.. we court this grace so that we can extend the MYSTERY of LOVE to all beings. So that we are caught in wonder upon meeting strangers in the street. So that our heart delights in the unknown faces at the grocery story. So that we are breathless when gazing at a rose and feel the silent intimacy when gazing into the eyes of a neighbor's cat. We court this mystery amongst all things.. we mystics sing songs and dance we meditate.. we chant.. we do all sorts of things.. to court the GRACE of this ANGEL ... and some say that when the angel descends.. ze brings the Wine of God and some even say that that this wine brings Immortality. Secret o' Secret.
Love is not rational at all. You can't force yourself to love the world because it seems the right thing to to do.. You can 'act' as if you do ...at least kind of .. but when you love someone it is your reflexive nature to think about how your actions might affect them. It isn't conscious because that LOVE acts in the deepest parts of the psyche subtly shifting our perception and our heuristic analyses of the stream of situations and issues that arrive at our doorstep.
This morning I am taken aback by LOVE, I am marveling in it.. basking in it.. opening myself and courting the angel..
This morning I am LOVE.