Tapestries of Life.
Today is just kind of down. Down in that way where there are lots of little things to point to but none of them add up - feeling under the weather, my roommate moving out of state, car broken into, drama on an elist I moderate, the economy being what it is, the global environment being what it is, not enough cuddles in my life, Tara's death, feeling broke post the car break in (plans for getting a projector indefinitely postponed) and with the new stuff i will have to get once roomie moves, the going on 30 days of period I've had (like wtf? talk about hormonal imbalance), my grandma's health, no change towards the better with the dude, etc.
:Whine Whine Whine: But none of these at all come close to being comparable with the enumberable positives in my life. :insert long list here:
These conditions existed yesterday and they didn't bother me. Today they bother me. The only difference between these two moments is my state of mind. This makes me realize there is something deeper that is going on..not about any of those things.. but about something else entirely.
Sometimes I get the feeling that the world is this giant tapestry of many threads and I'm just smart enough to get glimpses of it..but not smart enough to fully take it in.. and this tapestry you see.. its constantly shifting and I'm one of the many weavers..so i get these glimpses of the pattern and have to weave according to the approximation I have in my head hoping that it matches the picture close enough to be of service to the Great Tapestry we are all weaving..and yet every time I go to stretch or my mind wanders.. hundreds of little mice come out of nowhere unraveling and eating away at all sides of the tapestry so that the picture is constantly shifting and my Work being half undone or distorted beyond repair. And given this is a moving target. if I am too slow..all of a sudden the whole piece that i was weaving simply moves into the past half done and never fully materialized.
THIS IS HOW I FEEL TODAY.
And where the _I_ is living inside my mind.
on a more positive note Happy Birthday quincidence!
:Whine Whine Whine: But none of these at all come close to being comparable with the enumberable positives in my life. :insert long list here:
These conditions existed yesterday and they didn't bother me. Today they bother me. The only difference between these two moments is my state of mind. This makes me realize there is something deeper that is going on..not about any of those things.. but about something else entirely.
Sometimes I get the feeling that the world is this giant tapestry of many threads and I'm just smart enough to get glimpses of it..but not smart enough to fully take it in.. and this tapestry you see.. its constantly shifting and I'm one of the many weavers..so i get these glimpses of the pattern and have to weave according to the approximation I have in my head hoping that it matches the picture close enough to be of service to the Great Tapestry we are all weaving..and yet every time I go to stretch or my mind wanders.. hundreds of little mice come out of nowhere unraveling and eating away at all sides of the tapestry so that the picture is constantly shifting and my Work being half undone or distorted beyond repair. And given this is a moving target. if I am too slow..all of a sudden the whole piece that i was weaving simply moves into the past half done and never fully materialized.
THIS IS HOW I FEEL TODAY.
And where the _I_ is living inside my mind.
on a more positive note Happy Birthday quincidence!