Ashes to Ashes
It truly has been a long week. I can hardly even remember the weekend. I think I left off with Brian Covert who had stopped in for the weekend on his newly acquired motorcycle. I grunted at the notion that he’d be spending the entire weekend with us and I was prepared to call him out if he had started some stupid, disrespectful bullshit in my own home. In actuality, though I know he hates me, he didn’t pose much of a trouble at all. I think he realizes since falling out of favour with Danny that’s it’s pointless to sling shit at a guerilla who’ll just throw it back at him.
But to start the weekend off on my way home Friday night after work I was issued a speeding ticket for going 57mph in a 35mph zone on Duluth Hwy. Disheartening to say the least. I didn’t even realize that the speed limit had changed and the officer treated me as though I was his son. Asking me to spit out my gum, asking me if I had known how fast I was going, saying that he didn’t want to see me wrapped around a tree. Working a trillion overtime hours, dealing with getting off of work at 3am to begin with and having to deal with Covert when I had gotten home didn’t add any favours to my stiffening mood swing. Then to make matters worse, when I had taken my driver’s license from my wallet, I accidentally grabbed Danny’s. He had given me his license to hold in Charlotte; I’m always carrying around his debit card and license. Muttering softly “Ooops, that’s not mine,” while putting it swiftly back where I had found it did not ease tensions between me and the officer. “What do you have there? Let me see that please. What are you doing with someone else’s license,sir?” I tried to explain but before I knew it he had grabbed both of our driver’s licenses to run background checks. This is in case I was planning on stealing the identity of a beautiful but dirt poor Puerto Rican.
Things were turning out just great. And then to rub insult to the injury, he reprimanded me for not having the right home address on my license and tells me to go to a filling station to get something to drink after he noticed I was nearly falling asleep at the wheel while waiting over 20 minutes for him to write the ticket. “I just want to see you get safely home.” You -really- want me safe? Perhaps you should have just let me on my way since I’m 2 ½ seconds away from falling asleep at the wheel and going only 55 on a straight ass highway with zero traffic at 3 in the fucking morning. Asshole. I don’t think he believed that I was coming back from work; no one does. It didn’t help matters that Friday’s are casual and I was in my jeans and sneakers. At least I wasn’t subjected to a breathilizer.
I got home in a sour mood, told Danny the story and went to bed. Brian only looked at me casually with minimal suspicion from his lofty position on the orange futon which was situated to the side of the television.
Saturday ended as nothing particularly noteworthy. Tensions between Kathleen and Quinisha are at an all-time high. This roughly translates as Kathleen hating Quinisha so much that the thought of her tagging along for a meal makes her cringe with anger. Sadly it has everything to do with Kathleen’s blatant racism and little to do with anything Quinisha has done. This was apparent when we had left off for lunch at a restaurant in Duluth off of Peachtree Industrial called J Christopher. The restaurant was only open until 2pm so we were rushing out of the house at 1pm to get their in time for lunch. Danny took the wheel, I took the passenger and Brian, thinking it would be a joke to see Kathleen’s reaction, positioned Q in the middle. Apparently he was smirking from the rear view window and he and Kathleen made faces at one another in back of Quinisha. All the while Q was oblivious. I hadn’t noticed anything either but Danny, from the driver’s seat did and blew up at Kathleen. She was dishing a nasty attitude when he asked her to help choose between our favourite New York Pizzeria or J Christopher’s. “If you don’t pick one, I’ll just go to where I want.” “That’s why you’re driving; I don’t care. You pick.” I thought for sure he would park the car and tell her to get out. I wasn’t saying a thing but proceeded to wipe down the dash with car wipes. When shit goes down, I start cleaning. This happens just about anytime there’s tension in the household or if I’m anxious or unhappy. It could be anywhere. The car, the house, at work. When the bug of anxiety hits, the urge to clean just pours out of me. The dash of that car shone and sparkled that Saturday afternoon.
What angered him to the point of exploding is that Q was oblivious to what was going on. It’s like the bully in the school yard who teases the shy kid without them ever knowing. Kathleen and Brian were acting the bullies and it really got to Danny. I can’t blame him though. That kind of thing really irritates me and it’s sad that Kathleen can’t even deal with going to lunch with the group of us without a nasty swipe at Q. Don’t get me wrong, Q has her own issues but she was in a good mood this particular day and since we’re all living together she should have made the best of it. I tend to treat people harshly only when they offer up that level of attitude to me. I’m good to Q when she’s good to me, but when she’s not, I’m the nastiest in the bunch and she knows to stay locked in her room.
Regarding Q, her attitude switched midweek after she received what I’m assuming was her first and retroactive unemployment check. She was rich and therefore wanted to hang out and be merry. She offered no explanation of her Facebook message to us about her moving out, did not mention a job hunt whatsoever and generally didn’t acknowledge her current situation so we’re all under the assumption that she’s bailing by month’s end. And really, I could care less.
But still she was in a good mood. We got thru lunch just fine though the location in Duluth wasn’t nearly as nice as the one Danny, Q and I had stumbled within after looking at houses one early afternoon last summer in John’s Creek.
Kathleen bailed for the weekend calling me only once Saturday late afternoon to ask if I wanted to have sushi with she and Enrique in hopes of “getting me out of the house and away from everyone.” I graciously declined and although I know a part of her meant well, I do think she’s trying to rope me into Team Kathleen. Though I have gotten along with her a fair bit more lately than Q, I’m really not up for that kind of tug of war. I’d prefer just to stand aside with my mop and clean up the hair and piss so it doesn’t stain the beautiful hardwood.
I took a nap while Q, Danny and Brian foraged for liquor and upon their return we ordered pizza and sat outside playing a round of Kings at Q’s request while Brian surfed the Internet for nude men. We reminisced about how nice it was living in Tree Summit and wondered where the harmony had gone now that we were living in such a lovely place.
It strikes me as odd how unbalanced things had become and it supports the theory that outward appearances are not always an indication of how harmonious things are on the inside.
Jenell called and said she and Rob wanted us to go out with them to the city. I wasn’t really in the mood but felt it wouldn’t be such a bad idea since we had nothing else to do but sit around all evening and I’d rather be out than be subjected to keeping Brian entertained all night.
Heather called to extend us an invite but after I told her she was a moment too late, she revealed that in the break of time since the last time we’d spoken with her, she and Kellee had split up. She mentioned that she may be moving back home, that she missed us tremendously, that she loved Danny and I above all of her friends and that she really wanted to catch up. She was leaving for Iowa for a week to attend her sister’s wedding but had planned on meeting up with us the following weekend.
I couldn’t have been more excited at the news that she and Kellee split because it always seemed as though it was Kellee’s controlling nature which prevented Heather from hanging out with us. When I mentioned that I was looking forward to seeing more from her and that it seemed as though since she and Kellee were together we had never seen her, she only said “that was part of the problem.” And that she would go into detail about it later.
Consequently, Summer also broke up with her boyfriend, Apostle and it seemed as though in one day we had re-gained two friends who ditched their controlling exes and promised their imminent returns.
So we were bound for Atlanta. Danny being the kind gentleman that he is, dashed away with Jenell and Rob leaving me to ride with Brian and Q in my car. How awkward was that? Brian, the douche who doesn’t like me and Q the black girl who doesn’t talk. Brian wasn’t so bad though and he didn’t mind driving since everyone else had been drinking. His company was pleasant enough and nothing he said annoyed me even though he did come close to killing us three times in the city as we circled around and around following Rob as he searched aimlessly for parking. Once he took a wide turn and nearly was hit head-on by an approaching vehicle. He apologized and said he knew it was wide turn and that he wouldn’t be able to make it but didn’t see the car; I knew that he was only covering because anyone could have made that turn. Maybe his goal -was- to kill me.
It was a nightmare and after about a half hour of circling the block we finally gave up and went the seven dollar valet route.
The place we ended up was okay. Jenell failed to inform us that it was a restaurant and it was unfortunate that we had already eaten. Danny and I treated ourselves to ribs anyway and Brian had two huge desserts. We sat by a huge fire pitt and sipped disgusting house beer. The ribs were horrible, tough and flavourless. A waste of money. Danny was getting annoyingly drunk but not enough to be rowdy or make a fool of himself. Q just sat quietly like a statue beside me. It was a pleasant enough evening but I don’t think any of us was prepared for how the night ended. We were expecting a club and ended up with a night out with the parents. We headed back home with little dangerous road incidents and slept.
I was up for 7:30 am and in a sour mood to boot.
Every now and then a day comes along when something not-so-noteworthy happens yet seemingly transforms into something wholly memorable. It just so happens that Sunday, April 18th was one of those days. I awoke early. As in 7:30 early. Hours before my body should have been awake. Danny came downstairs just as I had opened my eyes and jumped in bed with me. I was staring sleepy-eyed at the Mac screen. Moments later Brian sped away and then Danny and I left to have breakfast at Nilsa’s, who had invited us over. “Ma’s cooking breakfast for us and she wants me to come over so I can try on those shorts she hemmed.”
I had nothing better to do and offered no objection. Brian was gone. Q was in bed. It was just Danny and I and I always feel in my comfort zone when at Nilsa’s. So we had gone over while she drug her tits over the stove making pancakes and eggs and sausage. Breakfast was fine enough though we were subjected to her revolting sugar-free syrup which the three of us protested vocally. “Ma, this shit’s gross,” Kyle whined. “Well fuckin’ deal with it. I’m diabetic so all of you will suffer my sugar free syrup.”
It doesn’t pay to be nice or polite with this family. When she asked if I was ready to eat I had offered my plate to Danny saying that I’d wait until she finished the next round. “You go ahead and eat,” Danny said. “Are you sure because I don’t mind eating.”
“Eat the fucking food!” Nilsa piped in. “Eat the food!” Danny joined in. “And you’d better clean your plate,” she joked.
It’s like living with the mob.
We lazed about the early afternoon hours soaking up sun and breezes on the porch of her apartment. Kyle dashed in and out. I was prepared to take a nap. “Go lie down on my bed. It’s really comfortable. I’ll cook some pork for you guys later.” I could have taken up the offer but Danny was ready to leave so we headed out for home.
It was such a beautiful spring day. The sun was out but the stifling summer heat stood watch behind the clouds waiting for another month as it allowed a warm breeze to infiltrate the air and swirl about our dizzy, sleepy heads.
Danny forced me outside with a picnic blanket and said that we’d lie out to sunbathe. That the day was too beautiful to be indoors. And so that’s exactly what we did until the sun shyly started darted behind the houses. We lay outside in that tacky, blue hospital blanket that mom used to cover our naked bums. That same fuzzy, blue blanket with the white stain that I used to cringe each time Danny used in Tree Summit. It seems that blanket was made for lying outdoors on a beautiful spring day while staring up at the clouds.
“You know. I feel nothing for Brian anymore. I don’t even know why he wastes his time with this friendship. My interest in being friends with him is completely dead. It’s so strange. It’s as though he represents a part of my life that’s completely over. He’s just so boring.”
While gazing about noticing each little detail, it’s quite apparent just how beautiful our neighbourhood is. Pristine and perfect with hundreds of newly constructed little houses built neatly in rows one by one by one beside one another with their backs facing the Interstate that cuts straight thru the city of Atlanta. It seems each one of these houses was cut from the same, bland mold. The fronts are adorned with siding and stone. The sides are completely barren with just a few irregularly placed windows. Very few are made like ours with the sky windows facing the back of the house.
We lay out while the sun licked our bodies and listened to Bowie over the Mac. If I had died in that place, I think everything in my life had been fulfilled in the lazy hours of that one sunny afternoon.
And why couldn’t things always be that way?
Monday arrived with a bit of heartache as the Luke Hawkins situation surfaced again for the first time since August of 2008. And if it wasn’t enough then Wednesday night confirmed another stab out in the dark. It was strange this time around though. Tuesday was filled with anger while Wednesday held the passionate makeup. And by the weekend all was a joke and earnest dealings were laid across the table. There were no hushed undertones. It was an exhausting week to say the least but one I didn’t regret. Little by little I learn what to put into my relationships, what to take out of them, and when the cues are out to take things on. A circle of emotions have proven to me that not everything is what it seems.
Kitty, it would appear, has made friends with the little Indian boy next door. The boys comes to the window all smiles and raps loudly while Lu responds by jumping on the sill and rubbing his side to the window occasionally pressing his face to the glass while chirping excitedly. The boy just giggles with glee. I’ve been putting the blinds up lately and the weather has been so beautiful that I’ve been opening the windows on that side of the house on certain days. There’s something about the way they amuse one another that’s so innocent and sweet that you can’t help but wonder what exactly we’ve lost when we gain the ability to speak.
This leads me to believe that if we all just cut out our tongues and used more body language to express our emotions, I think the world would be a much calmer place.