so is this what you wanted? too bad, its what you got.
i get this weird feeling sometimes when i wish that my life would have skipped over the age of 17. that i somehow could have just turned 18 without ever being 17. but then i think about, and i wouldn't give up a damn thing really. brayden is the love of my life, and i don't know where i would be without him. okay, maybe i do, and maybe it would be in a better place then where i am now - but it wouldn't be right. he completes me. i don't know if i could live my life without his love in it anymore. he radiates love. just hugging him can automatically bring a smile to my face, for no reason. he warms me up, even when hes cold. a mothers love for her child is irreplacable, i've never felt anything like this before.
you'd think i'd be happy i'm getting a day off right now, you'd think i'd be finding something to do.. but i'm not. i just want to see my baby before i go to work. i want to hug him and play with him and take him up to the park, read him a book, try to get him to eat. the struggles are part of my day now, and it feels weird without them. i feel useless when hes not around. hes my reason for living now. it use to be joseph, i lived for him. now i live for brayden, and nothing will ever work unless hes involved.
i can't just date people. i can't just try out a relationship. i've given up a lot of chances i could have possibly had because i thought logically about how it would be with brayden around, and for some reason the idea of another guy around my son really weirds me out. i don't like it at all. i kind of have this idea in my head that me and brayden are going to end up alone, and i guess i'm okay with that. like i'm alright with living just me and him...well obviously i'd rather it be me him and you, but i'm starting to realise that its just not going to happen. we're not the future you want, at all. we can be okay sometimes, but i'm not what you're looking for in a girl. you want a mute who just goes with everything, thats not me. i'm not the girl you want. i don't even think you like me.
i don't really think anyone likes me, to be quite honest. i don't think i'm that likeable. temporary maybe, but definitely not always. i've never kept a friend for very long, i've never had anyone stick around. enver. not a single person i'm friends with now did i know like ten years ago. i'm almost twenty, and yet i can't think of more than five people who would give a shit if i called/talked to them. they'd probably be annoyed. something about me embaresses people. they don't like to be seen/talk to me. i'm not high up on anyones list.
fuck love songs.
you'd think i'd be happy i'm getting a day off right now, you'd think i'd be finding something to do.. but i'm not. i just want to see my baby before i go to work. i want to hug him and play with him and take him up to the park, read him a book, try to get him to eat. the struggles are part of my day now, and it feels weird without them. i feel useless when hes not around. hes my reason for living now. it use to be joseph, i lived for him. now i live for brayden, and nothing will ever work unless hes involved.
i can't just date people. i can't just try out a relationship. i've given up a lot of chances i could have possibly had because i thought logically about how it would be with brayden around, and for some reason the idea of another guy around my son really weirds me out. i don't like it at all. i kind of have this idea in my head that me and brayden are going to end up alone, and i guess i'm okay with that. like i'm alright with living just me and him...well obviously i'd rather it be me him and you, but i'm starting to realise that its just not going to happen. we're not the future you want, at all. we can be okay sometimes, but i'm not what you're looking for in a girl. you want a mute who just goes with everything, thats not me. i'm not the girl you want. i don't even think you like me.
i don't really think anyone likes me, to be quite honest. i don't think i'm that likeable. temporary maybe, but definitely not always. i've never kept a friend for very long, i've never had anyone stick around. enver. not a single person i'm friends with now did i know like ten years ago. i'm almost twenty, and yet i can't think of more than five people who would give a shit if i called/talked to them. they'd probably be annoyed. something about me embaresses people. they don't like to be seen/talk to me. i'm not high up on anyones list.
fuck love songs.