(no subject)
i don't think i've felt such an extreme dislike for anyone in my entire life. i honest to god hope that this is the final feelings i'm going to feel for you. you've been nothing but negative for the last cuople months and i don't need this shit. keep bringing me down EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY and making all of your friends think i'm needy and obsessive when in reality that wasn't the case one bit. you can ask ANYONE and they all know the way you treat me. i was never a girlfriend, i was just someone that was there when YOU needed me and never when i needed you. it was so one-sided its not even funny. you want me to give up? well i am. and i hope you're happy. because if you treat any other girl the way you've treated me then have fun living a love-less life. i put EVERYTHING into this and got nothing back. i've felt love before, and never once did i feel that from you. you would have taken whatever you could have got at the beginning, the fact that i was a willing girl and somewhat attractive just made it better, but it could have been anyone because you needed a girlfriend to move up on the social ladder that you were stuck on. i don't regret much, but i fucking do regret this. i regret being played for 3 years of my life by you. i regret being so emotionally abused by you. i regret being treated like i'm NOTHING for no reason. i'm a nice girl. i really am. i don't think even your friends will say i'm not. and i know i'm atleast slightly attractive considering the attention i've gotten, so you're missing out. you're missing out big time. and next time you're fucking missing me, don't call. don't text. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. because i can't even think of one thing i like about you right now. i can't think about one thing that makes me miss you. i miss the IDEA of you. i miss always having someone there and always having someone i can talk to whenever i need them because you KNOW i have no one else. i miss being able to want to do something and being able to do it right away because you had a car and you were there. it wasn't your personality i wanted to be around, it was just a human in general that i needed to get done what i wanted to get done. HAVE FUN BEING A MAN. HAVE FUN WITH YOUR BOY TIME. pretty soon they're all gonna grow up too. you gave up a perfect life, full of love and happiness to be with them and guess what? i don't think a single one would give that up for you. kirks gonna get married to aubrey at one point, they're gonna have children. chris is YOU KNOW gonna find someone and pay more time to them then to you. all tim wants is love, and as soon as he finds it he'll be happy. they're all going to be like 20-30 something and married and have a family and be happy. you'll be living where you are, with no one because thats what you thought you wanted. and i bet if you call me, i'll have found someone else. because i actually really really crave love in my life. i crave companionship. its the point to living for me. i NEED someone to live for. so i'm not going to waste my time being single, i'm not, and i've told you that. i won't think twice if i find someone, obviously i wished it was you, but you've made it clear it never will be again so why should i wait? theres no necessary need for me to wait. you're fucking heartless. your video games mean more to you then your future. i know i'm a bitch, what i'm typing right now is making me the biggest bitch in the world, but i don't fucking care. you just gave me what i need to have the motivation to move on. i'm gonna dye my hair, i'm gonna loose weight, i'm gonna get a better job, i'm gonna get my license as soon as possible, i'm gonna save up, i'm gonna get a car, and i'm GOING to find someone that will love me that i can love back. i'm gonna find someone that wants that girl in there future. i want to be the mom who sits in the kitchen all day and makes dinner, and cleans and makes her husband happy. i'm gonna have a ton of kids, and i'm going to take great care of them. because i live for someone else. i can feel it in my bones. its not me being not-independent, its just what i want my future to look like. obviously the man loves me, too. he brings me home flowers just to show me he cares, we have weekend date nights. we laugh, we lay in bed reading books together and etc. you wuold have never been that for me. you would have yelled at me when i asked you to come to bed with me, you would have gone into your man cave 24/7 to talk to your guys and play games. life was never about love for you. it was always about yuo. and only you. your life will always revolve around you. you want to be a planet without any moons. you don't want to care about anyone else. that sounds terrible to you.
so fuck this. we were never meant to be. i gave up something that i actually thought was magical to be with you. i gave up on trying for something that could have possibly turned out the way i wanted above. and i fucked that up because i thought you were worth something. because you use to open my door, and pay for my things. because you use to come over when i was crying and want to make me happy.you use to tell me you love me voluntarily. you'd see sex in the city just because you knew it'd make me happy, with no other alterior motives other than maybe wanting to make out during the movie. you loved to touch me. that man is GONE. one hundred percent.
fuck this. fuck it. i'm done. you're not what i want anymore and i'm sick of trying to change you back to the way you were better.
without love, there is nothing.
so fuck this. we were never meant to be. i gave up something that i actually thought was magical to be with you. i gave up on trying for something that could have possibly turned out the way i wanted above. and i fucked that up because i thought you were worth something. because you use to open my door, and pay for my things. because you use to come over when i was crying and want to make me happy.you use to tell me you love me voluntarily. you'd see sex in the city just because you knew it'd make me happy, with no other alterior motives other than maybe wanting to make out during the movie. you loved to touch me. that man is GONE. one hundred percent.
fuck this. fuck it. i'm done. you're not what i want anymore and i'm sick of trying to change you back to the way you were better.
without love, there is nothing.