Focus
As is a common theme, todays whine is about my actions versus my being. I should warn that this is a somewhat morose, depressing entry. Sorry about that.
I act in this world, and can see the effect of that action in the world around me. My actions define my interface with the world, my effectiveness. If I take no action, I make no effect, no alteration and no real change. Without changing the world, it makes no difference what my internal processes are.
For a long time, I have been using puns and humour to interact with people. This has annoyed most people a lot of the time, amused some people some of the time, and kept me quite entertained. I have done this by seeing things differently to others and pointing these things out. Or at least, I think I see them differently. Perhaps others see the world that way too and just don't say or do anything.
I have also acted as I thought needed to be acted. This is a very subjective definition of "needed" and is inherently faulty. I have ended up doing a lot of things I didn't need to do and got quite tired and stressed doing them. Yet it seems people keep needing me. Again, probably a perceptual error, instigated to feel important.
Lately I have backed off a bit from life. It seems odd to say that since I seem to also be doing sooooo very much. Yet I have commented less, told my story less and mostly just watched while I do things. I have deferred to others what I can do, but don't need to do. While this has a result of decreasing my stress, I don't know if I am any happier.
Happiness seems to be transitory at best.
If my actions are not me, but merely an extension of me, then my actions should mean nothing. Yet if I do not act, then my part in this universe seems irrelevant. I believe that I am here, for lack of better evidence (where here is defined not necessarily as a place, or time, but certainly seems to be), and that I am here for a reason (or reasons, and probably not one that I will ever understand or get).
To escape this universe seems like a fundamental waste of time. Escape can be done in a few various ways. One may be death, another may be non-interaction, and yet another could be to lie in every thought and action. If I am here for a reason, then I should be here.
Yet should is such a foolish word. It implies a truth that may not exist and a fault for not following that truth.
I have many thoughts. I learn and I change. To what end? The knowledge I learn probably won't go with me when I die. I am fairly certain that I didn't bring anything significant with me when I was born, from wherever it was I came from before that. So the odds are I won't take it with me.
A strange word, wherever. It is a conjunction of where and ever, with an "e" taken out. When I conjoin can and not I get cannot - just mushed together. When I conjoin do and not, I remove the "o" and put an apostrophe in it's place thusly - don't. So why isn't wherever written as where'ver? Moving on.
If my learning and changing feeds back into this universe, basically life as an anti-entropic system, then my actions are important. If I do not feed back into this universe, then my actions are wasted. If this is so, then a purpose for being here is to act, to change, to fight or hold off entropy.
Unless adding to entropy is the key? If the universe is going to a great entropic diffusion anyway, then why fight it? Seeking the least path of resistance leads most matter and energy to follow rules, commonly referred to as physics. We harness these rules to make entropic paths that are useful to us humans. We call this engineering.
Supporting rules is increasing entropy, while disrupting rules is hindering entropy. Do I disrupt rules in my life? A believe I do. My life, so far, has been anti-entropic.
Maybe that's why it hurts so much.
Yet, if I stop being anti-entropic, and just follow the rules, do I lose that which defined me as I know it? Life becomes easy, life becomes bliss, but my life is no more.
I act in this world, and can see the effect of that action in the world around me. My actions define my interface with the world, my effectiveness. If I take no action, I make no effect, no alteration and no real change. Without changing the world, it makes no difference what my internal processes are.
For a long time, I have been using puns and humour to interact with people. This has annoyed most people a lot of the time, amused some people some of the time, and kept me quite entertained. I have done this by seeing things differently to others and pointing these things out. Or at least, I think I see them differently. Perhaps others see the world that way too and just don't say or do anything.
I have also acted as I thought needed to be acted. This is a very subjective definition of "needed" and is inherently faulty. I have ended up doing a lot of things I didn't need to do and got quite tired and stressed doing them. Yet it seems people keep needing me. Again, probably a perceptual error, instigated to feel important.
Lately I have backed off a bit from life. It seems odd to say that since I seem to also be doing sooooo very much. Yet I have commented less, told my story less and mostly just watched while I do things. I have deferred to others what I can do, but don't need to do. While this has a result of decreasing my stress, I don't know if I am any happier.
Happiness seems to be transitory at best.
If my actions are not me, but merely an extension of me, then my actions should mean nothing. Yet if I do not act, then my part in this universe seems irrelevant. I believe that I am here, for lack of better evidence (where here is defined not necessarily as a place, or time, but certainly seems to be), and that I am here for a reason (or reasons, and probably not one that I will ever understand or get).
To escape this universe seems like a fundamental waste of time. Escape can be done in a few various ways. One may be death, another may be non-interaction, and yet another could be to lie in every thought and action. If I am here for a reason, then I should be here.
Yet should is such a foolish word. It implies a truth that may not exist and a fault for not following that truth.
I have many thoughts. I learn and I change. To what end? The knowledge I learn probably won't go with me when I die. I am fairly certain that I didn't bring anything significant with me when I was born, from wherever it was I came from before that. So the odds are I won't take it with me.
A strange word, wherever. It is a conjunction of where and ever, with an "e" taken out. When I conjoin can and not I get cannot - just mushed together. When I conjoin do and not, I remove the "o" and put an apostrophe in it's place thusly - don't. So why isn't wherever written as where'ver? Moving on.
If my learning and changing feeds back into this universe, basically life as an anti-entropic system, then my actions are important. If I do not feed back into this universe, then my actions are wasted. If this is so, then a purpose for being here is to act, to change, to fight or hold off entropy.
Unless adding to entropy is the key? If the universe is going to a great entropic diffusion anyway, then why fight it? Seeking the least path of resistance leads most matter and energy to follow rules, commonly referred to as physics. We harness these rules to make entropic paths that are useful to us humans. We call this engineering.
Supporting rules is increasing entropy, while disrupting rules is hindering entropy. Do I disrupt rules in my life? A believe I do. My life, so far, has been anti-entropic.
Maybe that's why it hurts so much.
Yet, if I stop being anti-entropic, and just follow the rules, do I lose that which defined me as I know it? Life becomes easy, life becomes bliss, but my life is no more.