Title: Those Rituals Pertaining To Courtship
Author:
djcatiFandom: Star Wars NJO (Rebel Stand)
Characters: Wes Janson, Jaina Solo, Lea Ryze (OC), Jay Andron (OC), Wedge Antilles, Yakown Reth
Summary: Wes sends an apology letter to Jaina, regarding the incident upon his arrival in the Pyria system...
Rating: PG?
Notes: Partly for the Wes/Jaina challenge on TFN, partly for random plot-ness regarding the Yellow Aces, and partly because I am insane kthx. Lea/Jay =
chlorrel's, one paraphrased line =
kaladhwen's, general inspiration = Supernova insanity &
sparrows_girl's Valentine's fic (plus the W/J challenge ;D).
Words: 2367
Psst -- Jen! I'm pretty sure this isn't Aces canon, but there are one or two things that we could use for Borleias stuff. Maybe.
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For the attention of The Goddess
Dear Your Worshipfulness, Miss Solo,
I understand that I made a terrible and unforgivable mistake yesterday, by daring to flirt with someone of your current standing. As a mere mortal -- a hot, brilliant pilot of a mortal, but still a mortal -- I know that I can never hope to win the affections of someone like yourself. I can, however, hope that you will be merciful and not slice me in two with your lightsaber.
But until I receive a reply via this courier, I shall remain hidden in a tiny corner of the base that you'll never find.
Yours hotly,
Captain Wes Janson.
--
To the monkey-lizard
Captain Janson,
You are so sarcastic and arrogant that it's almost endearing. Though your personal courier doesn't agree with that sentiment or my decision, I shall accept your apology.
I won't even make you promise not to do it again, as it would be a pointless exercise on your part since I am -- sorry to disappoint you -- already taken.
And Lea told me where you're hiding anyway, so you might as well come out.
Not yours, thankfully,
Jaina Solo, Trickster Goddess.
--
For Miss 'I Am Better Than You'
Goddess,
I'll have you know that I am neither "arrogant" nor "sarcastic" -- I am darling. Ten thousand Adumari can't be wrong.
OK...maybe I'm a little sarcastic.
Yes...the general told me you were attached. But he didn't say who to. So -- who to? Anyone I know? And what would it take for you to reconsider? I can assure you, you wouldn't regret it.
And Ryze told you where I was hiding? I'm glad to see I can trust my pilots implicitly.
Yours, at all times,
The Darling One.
--
To the most arrogant pilot on Borleias
Janson,
There is a fine line between "darling" and "arrogant". I am fairly certain it is on the opposite side of the galaxy from you.
Lea says I shouldn't tell you who I'm "attached" to. She thinks you need to go hit on someone your own age; I'm inclined to agree. Or, she says, you should contact whoever it is you keep brooding over. (I find that hard to imagine -- you, taking the time to think about anyone or anything -- but that's what she says.) She doesn't know who but, apparently, you need to stop.
I'm equally glad that trust among your pilots is as high as their level of discipline.
I'll tell you who anyway, just for the shock value -- I'm "attached" to Colonel Jagged Fel, General Antilles' nephew. Satisfied?
Not yours, ever,
Yun Harla'a Infidel Avatar.
--
For the arrogant Trickster Goddess
Solo,
Please tell me you are joking. Fel? Fel?! You would rather date the son of a traitorous baron than the comic genius that is myself? You have, my dear Goddess, finally proven your insanity.
It's not too late, you know. I'm still here, always available -- feel free to look me up at any time.
And I am not brooding over anyone! Wes Janson does not "brood". Ryze doesn't know what she's talking about -- but then, she never does.
Yours, any time you wish,
Wes Janson.
--
To my idiot of a squadron leader
Wes,
Lea here. You are so brooding! I've seen you when you think no one's watching. You keep thinking; it doesn't suit you. I don't know how you manage to do that and still annoy everyone. Stupid monkey-lizard.
And it's none of your business who Jaina dates because it's never going to be you.
Regretfully part of your squadron,
Lea Ryze.
--
For the insane Yellow Aces leader
Janson,
You are truly an idiot. Jag is far better than you could ever be, in all respects -- especially at keeping control of a squadron.
Always going to shoot you down,
Jaina Solo.
--
For a pilot who doesn't know her place
Ryze,
Stop spying on me! I do not brood. You're making things up again. Stop it.
And Jaina will give in eventually. No one can resist the hotness that is me when I flirt. You would know this if I'd ever bothered to try it with you. Want me to?
Your wonderful squadron leader,
Captain Wes Janson.
P.S. -- Tell Jaina that I am not an idiot, and that I am fairly certain there is at least one thing I am better at than Imperial Boy. Besides being funny.
--
To the idiot in the yellow flightsuit
Wes,
Lea is currently laughing hysterically at your last letter, which I have just now managed to read, after a good five minutes of listening to her choke.
I imagine it's the thought of you flirting with her. Please don't. This is giving me enough nightmares.
And just what do you think you're better at than Jag?
Oh -- Lea just calmed down enough to tell me what you probably meant. And that set her off again.
I highly doubt you are. But since I have some semblance of self-control -- I've barely been with Jag a week, you understand -- I can't say for sure. Especially since I'll never "be" with you.
But I really think you're not.
Still not yours,
Jaina.
--
For the attention of the Taanab Yellow Aces leader
Dear Captain Janson,
I would appreciate it if you could ask your pilots to please stop running around the base and disturbing my squadron's training exercises. Blackmoon Squadron is at a critical stage in its development, and any distraction to my pilots could be most detrimental to their efforts.
Yours respectfully,
Captain Yakown Reth.
--
For a certain Jedi Goddess
Jaina,
I think I can safely say that Lea Ryze is one of the few beings in the galaxy I will never flirt with under any circumstances, so don't worry your pretty little head about that.
And you never know for sure until you try. So how about it?
Still hot,
Wes.
--
To the delusional Taanabian
Wes,
Once again: you are an idiot.
Glad to hear you won't ever flirt with Lea. Feel like making the same assertion regarding myself?
And some things are best left unknown, I think.
Young enough to be your granddaughter in some cultures,
Jaina.
--
For the man who can't ever stop giving me grey hairs
Wes,
Please stop harassing the other squadron leaders. Please tell your pilots to stop harassing the other squadron leaders. If I have to hear one more complaint from that damned Captain Reth today about you and your Aces, I am going to assign you clean-up duty until your--
I was going to say fiftieth birthday, but Sithspawn, that's getting awful close.
Congratulations, Janson, you have just depressed me yet again. And don't you dare try to "cheer me up" with an Ewok prank.
Depressingly your commanding officer again,
Wedge.
--
For the oldest Corellian on base
Wedge,
Happy to be of service. Kettch is on his way.
Always keeping you sane,
Wes.
--
For the second-prettiest pilot on base
Jaina,
If I stopped flirting with you, what would I do to keep myself entertained? Lea has already taken it upon herself to scare the new recruit. I have nothing else to do, besides paperwork.
You know you're just deluding yourself anyway. You love me really. I am too hot for anyone of the female persuasion to resist; you should be honoured that I'm turning my charm on you. I could be seducing one of those pretty little Blackmoon or Rogue girls, but where would the fun in that be?
Besides, Yak and Gavin are more likely to kill me than you; you love me more than them.
Yours forever,
Wes.
--
To the ego in the north section
Wes,
I simply have no words.
Jaina.
--
Attn: Capt. W. Janson
Capt. Janson,
Finally finished coding your computerised message system. Would have been done three hours ago had Lt. Ryze not dragged me off to get into an argument with the Blackmoons.
Am still analysing my suitability for this squadron.
Hope the computer system is to your satisfaction.
Lt. Andron.
--
re: computer system
Andron,
Call me an idiot (Lea does several times a day), but what does this flashing "472" in the bottom right-hand corner mean? I opened your message, the number turned up, and the system appears to have taken a disliking to me.
Help?
Janson.
P.S. -- Lea is not a lieutenant. She is simply a nuisance. A common synonym, I know, but not quite the same.
--
re: re: computer system
Capt. Janson,
The "472" would be the number of viruses you have managed to download from the Holonet in the approximate five minutes your system was activated before sending me this message.
Have now disactivated the outside connection and will be at your quarters shortly to fix your terminal.
Lt. Andron.
--
re: re: re: computer system
Andron,
Number is now 1156.
Computers are not my friends.
Janson.
--
For the wonderful Goddess
Jaina,
No words? I take it that means you are astounded? Shocked into silence by my sheer hotness? I understand; it's happened before, many, many times.
As you can see, this message has been delivered care of the small holocam boy wandering around base. Seen Lea anywhere?
Never mind. Reply on the computer system; new kid's fixing it now.
Yours,
Wes.
--
re: your insane squadron
Wes,
You know how to use a computer? I am amazed.
Regarding your reputed hotness, which I am sure is not even a word, just...no.
Have not seen Lea, but please refrain from ever talking to Tarc again. You + boy with holocam = not a good combination.
You have a new recruit? But Twin Suns are supposed to get first choice of pilots...
Jaina.
--
re: holocams
Jaina,
I am so hot and you know it.
You have also given me about a thousand ideas for pranks involving a holocam. Not to mention blackmail material. What was the kid's name again? Tarc? Hmm.
I do indeed have a new recruit. Straight transfer from NRI. I guess I'm just that little bit more special than you.
Wes.
--
re: ewoks
Wes 'bane of my existence' Janson,
If I ever see another Ewok again in my life, it will be far too soon.
You'll be glad to know that your pilot, Ace Three, is currently occupied cleaning up the mess hall. I hope you haven't needed her for the past couple hours, or will for the next couple days. And as soon as I get her to admit that you were behind the prank, you'll be joining her.
She seems to think it's a good thing to be responsible for rigging a stuffed Ewok with electronics to walk into my office and say, "Yub yub."
I think it's Tycho's fault she's so proud; he laughed.
I hate you.
Wedge.
--
re: re: ewoks
Wedge,
I am ashamed that you think I could possibly be behind such a low grade of prank. All I did was ask Lea to deliver Kettch to you. If she chose to misinterpret my orders, well, that's not my fault.
Feel free to keep her on clean-up duty as long as you want.
(I would, however, be extremely interested in the methods she used to pull off such a trick. Just as theory, you understand.)
Wes.
--
re: your constant delusions
Wes,
Stop it. You are not hot, by any stretch of the imagination. At all.
I'm pretty sure Tarc's too busy running around after Wolam and Tam to care about you and your pranks, so don't bother.
And your new pilot's from NRI? Well, you can keep him, then. I think I've had enough of Intel to last a lifetime.
But still. No one even asked me.
Jaina.
--
re: your apparent authority
Jaina,
I wasn't aware you were the officer in charge of human resources on this base. Hold on a second while I update the info on my datapad.
Wes.
--
Attn: Capt. Janson
Capt. Janson,
Would very much appreciate it if you didn't mess with the system settings. Still have Intel work to do for Iella and do not have time to fix your terminal every half hour.
Meant in the most respectful way possible.
Lt. Andron.
--
re: systems
Andron,
I didn't change any system settings! I just opened up a data file and everything just...went...crazy.
Janson.
--
re: re: systems
Capt. Janson........
Should perhaps make myself clearer.
Would very much appreciate it if you TOUCHED NOTHING THAT IS NOT THE MESSAGING PROGRAM.
Thank you.
Lt. Andron.
--
re: re: re: systems
Jay,
I think you fit into the Aces just fine. *grin*
Wes.
--
re: re: re: re: systems
Capt. Janson,
Thanks.
I think.
Lt. Andron.
--
re: more delusions?
Wes,
You are still such an idiot.
I just saw Lea when I walked past the mess hall. She wants to know why you haven't talked General Antilles into letting her go yet. Well?
Jaina.
--
re: i am not delusional
Jaina,
Wedge seems to be ignoring me; he hasn't replied to my last message. I'm afraid Lea's stuck in the mess hall for the time being.
And I am not an idiot. I'm smart. And hot. And you will admit that.
Wes.
--
re: so delusional it hurts
Wes,
You're not a very nice squadron commander at all, are you?
I'm not admitting anything. Not that there's anything to admit.
It's late and I'm on duty in eight hours. I can't believe I spent most of my day off arguing with you.
I must be crazy.
Jaina.
--
re: not delusional in the slightest
Jaina,
I'm a fantastic squadron commander. Lea's just crazy.
You are so in denial. Admit it! You love me! I bet you do.
You can tell me tomorrow, then. 'Night!
Wes.
--
re: the computer system again
Capt. Janson,
Am now going to bed. Have decided to shut down the entires Aces' system while I am unable to monitor its security.
This in no way reflects my confidence in the technical abilities of you or your other pilots.
Goodnight,
Lt. Andron.
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