i'm feeling more like myself...good?
Ah, i wish it would rain. So i could sneak out and dance in the streets. and i would wear a big smile cause i'm not sure how to be me any more. and this is how i know how to. to do things i love. and the one thing that really makes me happy, not hey this is fun happy but actually makes me smile for real, is the dancing in the rain. or walking in it, what ever works. I don't really care if i get soaking wet. It's just that i need to know that i can be happy and when i'm down in the pits i know it can get better.
maybe i'm just being crazy. things can't be that bad can they? but thats the thing that no one ever understood. not even chelsea. that i know, i've always cried a lot and got upset about things easily. but maybe thats just it, i don't really know how to get happy. and sure, chelsea called me whiney and all that. but maybe it's her right to, cause she's family and she was just telling me the truth. but yet i still get pissed at my family easily. i have problems. which i can't exactly put into nicer words. because well, thats just it.
In a way, i guess that i know who i am. but i just can't convince myself of that. I always think i'm trying to please others and try to look "cool" in a sense. but i think that maybe someone just needs to snap me out of all this gobbly gosh and get me to really think about it. sure, i'm thinking about it now. but i don't understand what i'm talking about. i'm just going on and on about something i don't know. i need some one else's perspective.
i've been getting eh, deep in all this entries lately so. here's an update:\
i'm going to a christian sleep away camp in mass. wahoo. eh, not really. sure i have to go to camp for like a half hour in the morning every day but only for a week then i'm home and no more church. it's not that bad. they have horse back riding but you have to pay for each lesson so i'm only doing one and i'm going to save it for my last day. i hope i make friends. i guess i just have to stop being shy and put myself out there. yeahhh, don't think that will happen. but oh well.
so basically that means i won't be getting a kittie this summer. well, unless we get her after camp and take her to cape cod with us. wich i don't think any person renting a house would let a non- potty trained kittie in their house. so, i'll just have to wait until next summer. i'll have more money by then any hoot.
I spent 30 bucks on a new pair of pants cause i was running out of clothes. so maybe that wasn't that smart but i doubt dad will give into the kittie thing any way. so now i have 42 buckaroos and no clue what to spend it on. i need a new hair cut.
http://flakmag.com/tv/topmodel.html
^ go there. probably wayyy to short for me but i like it. a lot.
i'm done blabbing and typing oodles much. so i'm done. god, i've gotten so serisou lately. i'm not sure that i'm liking this.
maybe i'm just being crazy. things can't be that bad can they? but thats the thing that no one ever understood. not even chelsea. that i know, i've always cried a lot and got upset about things easily. but maybe thats just it, i don't really know how to get happy. and sure, chelsea called me whiney and all that. but maybe it's her right to, cause she's family and she was just telling me the truth. but yet i still get pissed at my family easily. i have problems. which i can't exactly put into nicer words. because well, thats just it.
In a way, i guess that i know who i am. but i just can't convince myself of that. I always think i'm trying to please others and try to look "cool" in a sense. but i think that maybe someone just needs to snap me out of all this gobbly gosh and get me to really think about it. sure, i'm thinking about it now. but i don't understand what i'm talking about. i'm just going on and on about something i don't know. i need some one else's perspective.
i've been getting eh, deep in all this entries lately so. here's an update:\
i'm going to a christian sleep away camp in mass. wahoo. eh, not really. sure i have to go to camp for like a half hour in the morning every day but only for a week then i'm home and no more church. it's not that bad. they have horse back riding but you have to pay for each lesson so i'm only doing one and i'm going to save it for my last day. i hope i make friends. i guess i just have to stop being shy and put myself out there. yeahhh, don't think that will happen. but oh well.
so basically that means i won't be getting a kittie this summer. well, unless we get her after camp and take her to cape cod with us. wich i don't think any person renting a house would let a non- potty trained kittie in their house. so, i'll just have to wait until next summer. i'll have more money by then any hoot.
I spent 30 bucks on a new pair of pants cause i was running out of clothes. so maybe that wasn't that smart but i doubt dad will give into the kittie thing any way. so now i have 42 buckaroos and no clue what to spend it on. i need a new hair cut.
http://flakmag.com/tv/topmodel.html
^ go there. probably wayyy to short for me but i like it. a lot.
i'm done blabbing and typing oodles much. so i'm done. god, i've gotten so serisou lately. i'm not sure that i'm liking this.