Katy, It was so weird.... i was reading this entry and it sounded SO familiar. it reminded me a of a person i once knew...Me. Middle School is so tough. I seriously have journal entries that say the same exact things. I really didnt get better until i moved. 9th grade in GA was the worst for me. Im not saying things wont get better unless you move. IM not saying that at all. Im saying that people around you just have to grow up. They are all still in that child faze, and youa re the only one who is mature enough to realise there are better things than fashion and popularity. trust me i was the same way.
"It may seem like a lot. not to me. I can't say i would jump off a building to save these people or to keep them company while we both await our death. Except Alyssa, my one true best friend. I'm sorry. That's just the way i am. I wouldn't trust my life in the hands of any of these people. I guess im not very secure. i don't think i ever have been. that's just the way i am.
I lost the one person i thought i would always trust with my life. Lisa. She was my best friend. I met her in kindergarten and we became best friends in the 2nd grade. We were best friends for 5 years. She didn't die. I hate her now. because after all those years she just left me hanging. dumped me as a friend."
I had some aquantances.... like you said. My best friend Moved away in 7th grade. she was the only one i had.
"No one understands me and i doubt any one ever will. no one knows the real me cause she's just a school junkee that is perfect and hates failing and loves books. < still love books. I was sick of being her. so i got loud.. and kind of obnoxious. which i hate. when i get sacred i make this wierd loud noise like if there's a big noise and it startles me. it usually makes people stare...anyway..."
I have the same exact insecurity... I used to be really loud and crazy and sometimes childish. everyone though i was so obnoxious. and i used to beat myself up for it too. Id hate myself.
"i've never fallen in love. i think i never will. the longest relationship i've had...lasted 3 days. it was the only one too. god, that was wierd. Every boy that i have ever like never liked me back or thought i was crazy. I don't think i'm crazy.
i think im ugly. no, i know im ugly. and i don't really care any more. the only think i like about myself is my hair. but i got sick of that. so i changed the color."
i didnt really have boyfriends in middle school. and i used to think like that all the time. and sometimes i get that way now, becuase my last boyfriend was in 9th grade. But ive come to realise as nice as relationships sound, many end up horribly. Ive learned to cherish my friends more than longing a boyfriend.
"I had depression last year (thats what my mom thought anyway. i just didn't want to get checked out) and i was never happy. but i never told any one. i just acted like i was happy. I'm still pretty much melancholy all the time but i'm semi- better. i have my happy moments."
I had severe depression in 9th grade. i seriously didnt go a day without crying. i didnt tell anyone. I just started telling my close friends when i moved here. im very happy now.
"wish i had some one that i could tell absolutely everything to. and they wouldn't be overwhelmed. i wish i had some one that liked me and i like them back (a boy...not a friend). I wish that i wasn't they way i am. but i am and i hate that. that's life. "
I wish i had someone too.... but really the best people are friends as much as you dont want to think that.
Dont worry katy, things will get better. Just dont try to change yourself. stay the cool katy i know.
It was so weird.... i was reading this entry and it sounded SO familiar. it reminded me a of a person i once knew...Me.
Middle School is so tough. I seriously have journal entries that say the same exact things. I really didnt get better until i moved. 9th grade in GA was the worst for me. Im not saying things wont get better unless you move. IM not saying that at all. Im saying that people around you just have to grow up. They are all still in that child faze, and youa re the only one who is mature enough to realise there are better things than fashion and popularity. trust me i was the same way.
"It may seem like a lot. not to me. I can't say i would jump off a building to save these people or to keep them company while we both await our death. Except Alyssa, my one true best friend. I'm sorry. That's just the way i am. I wouldn't trust my life in the hands of any of these people. I guess im not very secure. i don't think i ever have been. that's just the way i am.
I lost the one person i thought i would always trust with my life. Lisa. She was my best friend. I met her in kindergarten and we became best friends in the 2nd grade. We were best friends for 5 years. She didn't die. I hate her now. because after all those years she just left me hanging. dumped me as a friend."
I had some aquantances.... like you said. My best friend Moved away in 7th grade. she was the only one i had.
"No one understands me and i doubt any one ever will. no one knows the real me cause she's just a school junkee that is perfect and hates failing and loves books. < still love books. I was sick of being her. so i got loud.. and kind of obnoxious. which i hate. when i get sacred i make this wierd loud noise like if there's a big noise and it startles me. it usually makes people stare...anyway..."
I have the same exact insecurity... I used to be really loud and crazy and sometimes childish. everyone though i was so obnoxious. and i used to beat myself up for it too. Id hate myself.
"i've never fallen in love. i think i never will. the longest relationship i've had...lasted 3 days. it was the only one too. god, that was wierd. Every boy that i have ever like never liked me back or thought i was crazy. I don't think i'm crazy.
i think im ugly. no, i know im ugly. and i don't really care any more. the only think i like about myself is my hair. but i got sick of that. so i changed the color."
i didnt really have boyfriends in middle school. and i used to think like that all the time. and sometimes i get that way now, becuase my last boyfriend was in 9th grade. But ive come to realise as nice as relationships sound, many end up horribly. Ive learned to cherish my friends more than longing a boyfriend.
"I had depression last year (thats what my mom thought anyway. i just didn't want to get checked out) and i was never happy. but i never told any one. i just acted like i was happy. I'm still pretty much melancholy all the time but i'm semi- better. i have my happy moments."
I had severe depression in 9th grade. i seriously didnt go a day without crying. i didnt tell anyone. I just started telling my close friends when i moved here. im very happy now.
"wish i had some one that i could tell absolutely everything to. and they wouldn't be overwhelmed. i wish i had some one that liked me and i like them back (a boy...not a friend). I wish that i wasn't they way i am. but i am and i hate that. that's life. "
I wish i had someone too.... but really the best people are friends as much as you dont want to think that.
Dont worry katy, things will get better. Just dont try to change yourself. stay the cool katy i know.
love, annie
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...you seemed like....you should've been my sister when you said all that.
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