(no subject)
I just got an email with the subject line "How does your hospital handle mature nurses?" and I can't stop laughing.
I'm trying to compartmentalize and re-evaluation my priorities based on my upcoming life changes. One of the reasons I was even motivated to seek a part-time job, other than Alex offering it to me, is when I work all the time and have a solid cushion of cash, I spend money really stupidly. I think it's to try and balance out how dissatisfied I am with my life, but when I worked at Freddies I would drop $150 a night at the bar (me and my dudes, not just me) without blinking, and it's not like I am or was rolling. Now I buy dumb trinkets, snacks when I'm not even hungry - I can't even tell you what I blow my paycheck on. I'm not so un-indoctrinated that I don't put 25% of each paycheck into savings, but I am definitely not handling my money mindfully or even in a way that I feel like anything is happening.
This might be partially because I never pay for things in cash, so every business transaction feels like just 20 seconds when we agree to imaginary conditions, and then I walk away with soy yogurt. I used to have really intense, psychosomatic episodes when I spent my-or-someone else's money, like I was mourning the deaths of those presidents when they left my hands and went to someone else's. I would hold up my new beanie baby to eye level, all "you best be worth this, Blizzard."
It's not even like I'm spending money on dumb things that make me really happy, because I cannot tell you what I'm spending money on. Other than bills, where is this all going? Do I eat that much salad? When I bought a new bike, it stretched me thin, but that all was fine because I could understand where my money went and I had a bike on which to ride away from all my problems.
What I'm saying is that having more free-time and a smaller pay check might be very good for me. My dad is already wanting to know what I've decided about school, where I'll be going and when I'll take my GREs, but I am not ready for that. I'm sure this is just me being a whiny millenial, but I'm gonna manage on a 30% pay cut and that'll go to my quality of life. This was probably the prime realization when I went to see Erin. It'd be one thing if I were in a career that were meaningful to me, or even in any way challenging - waitressing was probably better for me in a lot of ways, because I'd have to constantly problem solved and memorize orders. This isn't gonna bump me up as a contender for my graduating class's "Most Successful", but I'm tired of trying to measure myself up to the potential people always saw for me when I don't even know what I want.
This got so whiny! Who knew. I'm just happy right now. And relieved. We'll see how working part time goes.
I'm trying to compartmentalize and re-evaluation my priorities based on my upcoming life changes. One of the reasons I was even motivated to seek a part-time job, other than Alex offering it to me, is when I work all the time and have a solid cushion of cash, I spend money really stupidly. I think it's to try and balance out how dissatisfied I am with my life, but when I worked at Freddies I would drop $150 a night at the bar (me and my dudes, not just me) without blinking, and it's not like I am or was rolling. Now I buy dumb trinkets, snacks when I'm not even hungry - I can't even tell you what I blow my paycheck on. I'm not so un-indoctrinated that I don't put 25% of each paycheck into savings, but I am definitely not handling my money mindfully or even in a way that I feel like anything is happening.
This might be partially because I never pay for things in cash, so every business transaction feels like just 20 seconds when we agree to imaginary conditions, and then I walk away with soy yogurt. I used to have really intense, psychosomatic episodes when I spent my-or-someone else's money, like I was mourning the deaths of those presidents when they left my hands and went to someone else's. I would hold up my new beanie baby to eye level, all "you best be worth this, Blizzard."
It's not even like I'm spending money on dumb things that make me really happy, because I cannot tell you what I'm spending money on. Other than bills, where is this all going? Do I eat that much salad? When I bought a new bike, it stretched me thin, but that all was fine because I could understand where my money went and I had a bike on which to ride away from all my problems.
What I'm saying is that having more free-time and a smaller pay check might be very good for me. My dad is already wanting to know what I've decided about school, where I'll be going and when I'll take my GREs, but I am not ready for that. I'm sure this is just me being a whiny millenial, but I'm gonna manage on a 30% pay cut and that'll go to my quality of life. This was probably the prime realization when I went to see Erin. It'd be one thing if I were in a career that were meaningful to me, or even in any way challenging - waitressing was probably better for me in a lot of ways, because I'd have to constantly problem solved and memorize orders. This isn't gonna bump me up as a contender for my graduating class's "Most Successful", but I'm tired of trying to measure myself up to the potential people always saw for me when I don't even know what I want.
This got so whiny! Who knew. I'm just happy right now. And relieved. We'll see how working part time goes.