the one where southland shredded my heart
Right, so it's been almost two weeks since I watched the episode; I haven't really had the time to sit down and write down my thoughts. Which is a damn shame, because it was so intense and high in emotion; but I'm still feeling them, so I'm going to give it a go.
I'm going to jump right in and start with what is most salient: the last five minutes.
Nothing I can write will do the execution of this scene justice, nor can it adequately describe how it made me feel. I was definitely not expecting that ending, even with the foreshadowing in the opening scene of the episode. I, like many folks, it seems, was under the impression that Sammy's presence in the hospital either had something to do with Tammi, or maybe even a victim he connected with during an investigation. I was not in any way, shape or form prepared for Nate's death.
I kind of knew things weren't going to go smoothly when Nate got out of the car to confront the members of the gang. Still, I was relieved when the helicopter showed up, as I thought there is no reason to panic if Sammy and Nate have assistance. At the time, I had no idea that Nate's signal of 4 fingers meant "no assistance required," and so the irony was lost on me. It is all the more devastating that they had help, but turned it away because they didn't believe it was needed (after all, they had a rapport with these guys).
When I saw someone swinging and Nate going down, I still didn't think it'd be that bad (as in, I thought Nate would pull through). I was absolutely horrified when the mob closed in on them, and various people started kicking Nate's unconscious body; not only terrified that they would damage Nate, but absolutely aghast that people are capable of such atrocious cruelty. (It doesn't necessarily surprise me anymore, but at the same time it does.)
The panic etched on Sammy's face, his desperate attempts to get a defenseless Nate away from those vultures, the urgency and the quick pace are what finally got me despondent, and I kept muttering "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God," and half-covering my face in terror. Only when Sammy got to the radio and other police cars showed up did I catch my breath. But God, that wail Sammy let out when he and the other cop were lifting Nate to get him in the cop car... And his anguish in the car when he could focus and feel and see how lifeless Nate was... God, I just... can't even form a coherent reaction, here.
And still, even after all this, when it became clear that things are bad, I did not expect what followed. Naively, I really did think Nate would pull through. My mouth was literally agape when Nate's wife screamed and came out of the emergency room shaking. And, shit, Sammy's reaction to her scream... fucking phenomenal acting by Shawn Hatosy. For a minute there, I was wondering whether Nate's wife, in her grief, would blame Sammy for what had happened. I'm glad she didn't. (Although, I guess they could still go in this direction, and I do suspect Sammy might have some survivor's guilt.) When she just fell down in front of him and he gathered her in his arms, not knowing how to condole her, clearly hurting and grieving himself but trying to support her... that's when my own tears started. That scene was just so powerful in its authenticity. I think what got to me the most was when Nate's wife mumbled "help me... help me..." through her sobs, clearly at a loss, and I could just feel not only her grief, but her utter sense of not knowing how to handle it, not knowing what to do, as she breathily confessed "I can't...I can't..." This whole scene was just so phenomenally delivered on so many levels. The way they were clutching to each other, their heavy breathing, their chocked gasps through their tears...
Basically, the last five minutes were gutwrenchingly painful, and absolutely perfect.
I feel so fucking horrible for Sammy. He's already been having a tough time, what with his marriage being over, his wife shacking up with her lover in their house, almost getting arrested for breaking into his house, etc. Now he's lost his partner and best friend--the only person keeping him together, basically. I think that... I dunno, I get the sense that cops just share such a profound bond with their partners, and this just amplified Sammy's loss. Some have been theorizing that Sammy's and Nate's wife might get together, and while I dunno whether that's true (if it does happen, I don't necessarily think it will be a healthy union, especially at first, as it will probably be born out of grief and wanting to cling to the memory of Nate; all of which is understandable), I do suspect that Sammy will definitely take it upon himself to take care of Nate's family.
I have to admit, I didn't pay much attention to Nate (or Sammy, for that matter) for the first two seasons; I liked him just fine, but I was mostly interested in the Cooper/Sherman dynamics. Now that they've narrowed down the cast, though, and we've been getting more acquainted with the remaining characters on an even more personal level, I've grown very fond of Nate (and Sammy). And of course, just as I was getting more attached to the character, he gets killed off. :( Of course, part of the brilliance and effectiveness of this plot development lies in the fact that it was so completely unexpected and out of the blue--much like real life. It really emphasized the fragility of life, and especially the abruptness of a cop's life.
Not gonna lie, I kind of resent True Blood for this. I know it's not actually their fault, and no one can blame Kevin Alejandro for accepting that job when the future of SouthLAnd was uncertain. It's pretty evident from his interviews how highly he thinks of SouthLAnd and how proud he is of the show and how grateful for the experience he is. I get the sense he wouldn't have left for True Blood if he'd known SouthLAnd would get renewed; which is all the more tragic, because we could've still enjoyed Nate Moretta.
You and your character will be sorely missed, Kevin Alejandro.
For the record, it was also not the brightest idea to watch this episode the night before a test. I was seriously emotionally-wrecked for hours (days) afterward, and productivity went flying out the window.
Right, so there were other things that happened in the episode. Cooper and Sherman provided some much-needed laughs, but yeah, it's hard to focus on much of anything with an ending like that. What sticks out to me the most is Cooper pointing out that Ben is most dangerous at the stage he is right now, as he's feeling more confident in his abilities as a cop, which can lead to risky, stupid decisions. Ben definitely demonstrated this with his screw ups. What was most shocking to me was when he left the suspect unsupervised by the fence. I mean, really--that's just asking for him to run. That just seemed like too much of a rookie mistake for Ben to make.
Please take two minutes out of your day to sign this petition to help secure SouthLAnd's future. Please help us keep this show on the air. I would really appreciate it. And I promise, if you'll give this show a chance, you're more than likely to fall in love yourself.