Mar 28, 2007 17:02
Nationals is done. My debate career is done. There's a bit of a hole there, but it grows smaller every day. For the first time, Emily and I managed to be ranked at the top of the bracket--32nd or so. I'm fine with that. We would have done better if I wasn't an idiot, but I am, and all in all, things ended okay. I'm a little bitter, but that's all ready fading. Snow in the sun. I still cry a little. It's frustrating because nobody seems to understand what debate has meant for me. It saved my life. Every friend I have today comes from debate. A lot of my pride, too, and a lot of what makes me a good person. And now it's gone. Like that. It's hard to explain to anyone. And nobody wants to listen. If they do, they're idiots. I don't want to listen to me either.
Now I've just got to take a couple of finals, graduate, and be wonderful forever. That's what I'm terrified of. Two weeks from now, when I've got my degree, what shall I do? Where shall I go? Can I make it in one of the most cut-throat businesses in the country? The Devil Wears Prada was a stupid book, but how much of that represents the five years of dues-paying the average reporter has to go through before they get to do something worthwhile?
I saw Jesse, Abby, and Mike last week. Things were horrible. It was their spring break but all they did was work. We barely talked. The problem is we have nothing in common anymore. That's what makes me sad. That my friends will talk to each other and have nothing to say anymore, because our lives are circles that touch in one spot and nowhere else. I've all ready begun distancing myself from them in preparation for the inevitable loneliness that will come from them vanishing out of their lives.
Please let it not happen! At least I'll still be able to contact them. I think it's the long distances and space-times that made things hard with Jesse and me.