:'(
Man I hate my life...
so much.
It constantly eats and eats and eats at me and won't let me sleep. Just cuts my brain into little pieces and constantly chews it like chuck steak that just refuses to be eaten. It's so hungry it's draining me of all that I ever felt or wanted, or anything that was realistic and happy, and not filled with delusional as is how I'm living with this monster just eating at my brain. My goals, my dreams, what I worked and lived for, gone, no commitment left, this monster, this drug, it hates me. It wants revenge for something I don't know I ever did, like in a relationship when you turn your back for one second and the next it's all wrong. When she no longer feels special or how she should be treated.
It never tells you what is wrong but you know there is something wrong and you have no idea how to fix it. Like a valley girl changing a tire and rebuilding an engine as the process goes further it just decays and gets worse, as she puts it further into time it becomes wore out and worse and dis-illusioned amongst the reality of how it should be. Just an enormous timebomb.
And you just can sit there and wonder when did the transition come? When did you lose control and it take over? When was it that you gave up on life? Then you realize the more you think about it the more confused you become because you will never understand it. You can never understand something just as you are doing it. Learning and applying a new skill only comes after it has been done out of blindness.
I'll finish this later... my dad is kicking me off the computer because he has to sleep. But this is my life at this point and time people.
so much.
It constantly eats and eats and eats at me and won't let me sleep. Just cuts my brain into little pieces and constantly chews it like chuck steak that just refuses to be eaten. It's so hungry it's draining me of all that I ever felt or wanted, or anything that was realistic and happy, and not filled with delusional as is how I'm living with this monster just eating at my brain. My goals, my dreams, what I worked and lived for, gone, no commitment left, this monster, this drug, it hates me. It wants revenge for something I don't know I ever did, like in a relationship when you turn your back for one second and the next it's all wrong. When she no longer feels special or how she should be treated.
It never tells you what is wrong but you know there is something wrong and you have no idea how to fix it. Like a valley girl changing a tire and rebuilding an engine as the process goes further it just decays and gets worse, as she puts it further into time it becomes wore out and worse and dis-illusioned amongst the reality of how it should be. Just an enormous timebomb.
And you just can sit there and wonder when did the transition come? When did you lose control and it take over? When was it that you gave up on life? Then you realize the more you think about it the more confused you become because you will never understand it. You can never understand something just as you are doing it. Learning and applying a new skill only comes after it has been done out of blindness.
I'll finish this later... my dad is kicking me off the computer because he has to sleep. But this is my life at this point and time people.