(no subject)
nothing seems well, and all is backwards.
i listened to a song at work today. its a song that usually evokes a slight amount of emotion; it hits me a little when i hear it. but today, i almost burst into tears. there's so much pent up.
i've been doubting every aspect of my life lately. i can't seem to make myself happy. and the things i predict will make me happy are either superficial, or out of my reach. i've gone to 'desparate' measures to secure a little contentment. mostly i just buy things, movies mostly. i haven't watched any of them yet. i bought a couple beastie boys albums. they're pretty cool. i bought them at best buy though, and just felt guilty. i've been cheating on my veganism a lot, too. not that i wish i weren't vegan, but i keep thinking desserts will make my life better. i try to pass it off as freeganism, but sometimes i think i stretch it too much. taking shit from work that isn't vegan does not make it freegan. i feel like shit for cheating myself. and i feel like shit for putting that crap in my body. and my body feels like shit for having that crap in my body. i haven't felt this self-destructive since christy broke up with me. i've been a lazy activist, too. i haven't done anything, or gone anywhere, or helped shit in months. on sunday, i skippped my shift at sedition and went to best buy. what the fuck. granted, i got in town with barely enough time to get there, and i was totally exhausted, i just can't justify it. i just can't justify how i spend my time. and my fucking grades. i've been doing all my work this six weeks. i've been awake in class, and working hard. i got my progress report and i have three d's. that shit makes me want to off myself. i haven't touched my backpack since i got that report. i'm too fucking discouraged. i'm so burnt out. and i miss everyone. i feel so disconnected. i've been so busy. fuck it. i'm going to bed.
Pangs of silence
From the room upstairs
How's the view there?
Do you read what they're saying about you?
That you're no fun
Since the war was won
In fact, you have become all of the things you've always run away from
The ascent of Stan
Textbook hippie man
Get rest while you can
So where'd the years go?
All the time we had?
Being poor was not such a drag in hindsight
And you wonder why your father was so resigned
Now you don't wonder any more
The ascent of Stan
Textbook hippie man
Textbook hippie man
Get rest while you can
Stan: Once you wanted revolution
Stan: Now you're the institution
Stan: How's it feel to be the man?
It's no fun to be the man
And now, watch it all go down
The ascent of Stan
Textbook hippie man
(Stan)
Textbook hippie man
Get rest while you can
Stan: Once you wanted revolution
Stan: Now you're the institution
Stan: How's it feel to be the man?
It's no fun to be the man
i listened to a song at work today. its a song that usually evokes a slight amount of emotion; it hits me a little when i hear it. but today, i almost burst into tears. there's so much pent up.
i've been doubting every aspect of my life lately. i can't seem to make myself happy. and the things i predict will make me happy are either superficial, or out of my reach. i've gone to 'desparate' measures to secure a little contentment. mostly i just buy things, movies mostly. i haven't watched any of them yet. i bought a couple beastie boys albums. they're pretty cool. i bought them at best buy though, and just felt guilty. i've been cheating on my veganism a lot, too. not that i wish i weren't vegan, but i keep thinking desserts will make my life better. i try to pass it off as freeganism, but sometimes i think i stretch it too much. taking shit from work that isn't vegan does not make it freegan. i feel like shit for cheating myself. and i feel like shit for putting that crap in my body. and my body feels like shit for having that crap in my body. i haven't felt this self-destructive since christy broke up with me. i've been a lazy activist, too. i haven't done anything, or gone anywhere, or helped shit in months. on sunday, i skippped my shift at sedition and went to best buy. what the fuck. granted, i got in town with barely enough time to get there, and i was totally exhausted, i just can't justify it. i just can't justify how i spend my time. and my fucking grades. i've been doing all my work this six weeks. i've been awake in class, and working hard. i got my progress report and i have three d's. that shit makes me want to off myself. i haven't touched my backpack since i got that report. i'm too fucking discouraged. i'm so burnt out. and i miss everyone. i feel so disconnected. i've been so busy. fuck it. i'm going to bed.
Pangs of silence
From the room upstairs
How's the view there?
Do you read what they're saying about you?
That you're no fun
Since the war was won
In fact, you have become all of the things you've always run away from
The ascent of Stan
Textbook hippie man
Get rest while you can
So where'd the years go?
All the time we had?
Being poor was not such a drag in hindsight
And you wonder why your father was so resigned
Now you don't wonder any more
The ascent of Stan
Textbook hippie man
Textbook hippie man
Get rest while you can
Stan: Once you wanted revolution
Stan: Now you're the institution
Stan: How's it feel to be the man?
It's no fun to be the man
And now, watch it all go down
The ascent of Stan
Textbook hippie man
(Stan)
Textbook hippie man
Get rest while you can
Stan: Once you wanted revolution
Stan: Now you're the institution
Stan: How's it feel to be the man?
It's no fun to be the man