More like activist burnout.
So aside from the typical "I am having trouble with friends" about vegan, I am simply having trouble with friends on Animal Rights things. I've always been an activist, for LGBTQ rights first, then human rights in general, enviromental, and AR. Specifically, why I am so gun-ho about Lolita. Lolita is an orca (killer whale, but they are dolphins) who "lives" in Miami Seaquarium. Her tank is less than APHIS (those are the folks that determine "housing" and conditions for animals in captivity, as well as plants) standards and she is alone and a mess. I won't go too much into her, but my friends really have been kind of "Well, Dani, it's all the way out there." And I usually vehemently tell them. "SHE matters just as much as your fucking dog does." It may be lame but, the water is where I feel really home. Ever since I was a baby, I was never afraid of the water. I could hold my breath up to minutes, and I'd swim to the bottoms of the deepest of the deep ends. Even the ocean feels nice, regardless of it being our ugly post-oiltankspill water off the southeast coast of MA.
Recently I took a trek to my local YMCA, and with only a mask and a pair of flippers I can go up to 24ft deep typically before rushing to the surface. I always walk from shallow to deep, and I noticed I got to 12ft deep and thought about Lolita's tank (which, while it's deepest is 20ft in the center, it is covered by the work station that is solid collumn, so it isn't much of a swim for her), and I instantly went to the bottom and turned around to look up at the surface. I obviously didn't realize underwater, but I was crying. I instantly went to the surface and went straight home. I think I'm burning out, and I've never ever faced activist burnout. Even when I got shit thrown at me for LGBTQ protests, got boo'd and told that I'd be going to hell and everything, I never really gave a shit and kept on trucking easily. This burn out feels absolutely foreign to me, and I think it stems from lack of support. I made my friends through humanitarian projects/support, and they just seem to not get animal rights as a just cause or for the "crazy vegan PETA peeps". Striking at the Roots (by Mark Hawthorne) suggests in his activist care that, we should have a "shut off" time. But that's a weird concept to me, as a workaholic I guess. Or activistholic, maybe. I'm always thinking about things, and ways to make it better or feeling inspired by events (such as, the election <3), but with AR it's been like...BAM! wall...BAM! death...BAM! more suffering...BAM! people who don't get it....BAM! no interest for tabling/events.
I'm going to bed now, but first a hot bath and maybe some tea. I really wanted to vent, and I understand this group is not my personal journal but, I don't feel I can gain the same support (many of whom I speak about being anti-AR are on my friend's list) there, and I guess I'm kind of weakly (hesitantly) reaching for hugs here. If the mods need this deleted I can delete it for them, just contact me.