(no subject)
Well, Jenn came by and looked at the place and she really liked it. I think it's a go. I'm looking forward to her moving in, it will be nice to have someone else around and to come home to at night. It seems like the loneliness only really hits me first thing in the morning and late at night when I come home. The night thing is because that was the main time that Justin and I were able to spend together.
I had a good day overall though. Actually a really good day. I felt really happy right before coming home. I felt really liked and loved and had lots of good warm friend feelings. Running at the Y drastically improved my mood. I didn't get to run yesterday and I didn't realize just how much it affected my mood. But I was so grateful for going this morning.
Then Jenn came by and that went well....I got the bathroom cleaned, so now the whole apartment is clean and that always puts me in a really good mood. Class was good....and Tim and I went out for coffee after class, something we haven't done in a VERY long time, and I really enjoyed that. And Jesse and I went to the meeting. Wednesday nights are my favorite meetings. The people there are so friendly and nice and I really enjoy the meeting and get a lot out of it.
Cherokee Park boy is back in my life. I saw him at an AA meeting last Sunday and gave him a call. And recommended the meeting tonight, and he actually showed up. This made me happy. Although I have no interest in being in a relationship and I know it wouldn't end up working out in the long run, I'm still attracted to him and it's fun to flirt. He flirts with me too. I told him about my eating disorder on the phone just briefly, and he said to me, "You shouldn't worry about that, you're an attractive girl." Ha. If only it were that simple.
I'm amazed at how much attention men, and just people in general, have been giving my looks lately. I know that I've lost fifteen pounds since I became diligent about going to the Y again, and that lifting weights has really toned my body too. But I didn't think it had made THAT much of a difference. My mother was so incredibly complimentary of my looks last weekend, and then she complimented me again today on the phone. That made me really happy. My family is never one to place an emphasis on looks and they've never really made me feel pretty. But Mom must see some difference in me. Some change.
And I do feel different. Very different. It's hard to put my finger on it. But I'm no longer eating foods that make me feel guilty or bad about myself. And I eat the same amount of food every single day, at nearly the same time, and it feels so good. It allows me to not have to think about it anymore. And that peace of mind is priceless. And the exercising and lifting weights has also allowed me to feel loads better about myself and my looks. When I was skinnier than I am now, I was completely crazy, and today I don't have to do that. I am a normal, healthy, good weight and very happy to be that way.
Tim told me that I looked great and Nathan told me I was sexy and that I didn't look like I was going through a breakup, that I looked phenomenal. Jesse also told me that he could see that I was becoming a much stronger person and opening up to people. Miracles are happening. I'm getting the attention from men that I've always dreamed about. I feel like the fire inside of me is coming back. I love it!
I had a good day overall though. Actually a really good day. I felt really happy right before coming home. I felt really liked and loved and had lots of good warm friend feelings. Running at the Y drastically improved my mood. I didn't get to run yesterday and I didn't realize just how much it affected my mood. But I was so grateful for going this morning.
Then Jenn came by and that went well....I got the bathroom cleaned, so now the whole apartment is clean and that always puts me in a really good mood. Class was good....and Tim and I went out for coffee after class, something we haven't done in a VERY long time, and I really enjoyed that. And Jesse and I went to the meeting. Wednesday nights are my favorite meetings. The people there are so friendly and nice and I really enjoy the meeting and get a lot out of it.
Cherokee Park boy is back in my life. I saw him at an AA meeting last Sunday and gave him a call. And recommended the meeting tonight, and he actually showed up. This made me happy. Although I have no interest in being in a relationship and I know it wouldn't end up working out in the long run, I'm still attracted to him and it's fun to flirt. He flirts with me too. I told him about my eating disorder on the phone just briefly, and he said to me, "You shouldn't worry about that, you're an attractive girl." Ha. If only it were that simple.
I'm amazed at how much attention men, and just people in general, have been giving my looks lately. I know that I've lost fifteen pounds since I became diligent about going to the Y again, and that lifting weights has really toned my body too. But I didn't think it had made THAT much of a difference. My mother was so incredibly complimentary of my looks last weekend, and then she complimented me again today on the phone. That made me really happy. My family is never one to place an emphasis on looks and they've never really made me feel pretty. But Mom must see some difference in me. Some change.
And I do feel different. Very different. It's hard to put my finger on it. But I'm no longer eating foods that make me feel guilty or bad about myself. And I eat the same amount of food every single day, at nearly the same time, and it feels so good. It allows me to not have to think about it anymore. And that peace of mind is priceless. And the exercising and lifting weights has also allowed me to feel loads better about myself and my looks. When I was skinnier than I am now, I was completely crazy, and today I don't have to do that. I am a normal, healthy, good weight and very happy to be that way.
Tim told me that I looked great and Nathan told me I was sexy and that I didn't look like I was going through a breakup, that I looked phenomenal. Jesse also told me that he could see that I was becoming a much stronger person and opening up to people. Miracles are happening. I'm getting the attention from men that I've always dreamed about. I feel like the fire inside of me is coming back. I love it!