[Mini-series] Borrowed Moments {1/2}
Hey~ I’m… uhh… back? >.<
Anyway, this isn’t the fic I’m supposed to post but yeah… this was the fic I was a bit confident in posting. I say ‘a bit’ because it’s difficult to once again get back to writing after being on hiatus. Wahuhu. I hope this goes well.
Borrowed Moments
I know I’m only borrowing it.
I know I have to give summer back to you…
Just as you have to give winter… back to me
-I wrote this for you
Cho Kyuhyun first met Lee Sungmin on a gray afternoon in the middle of spring. It was not something fancy and extraordinary nor is it something totally memorable. It was a plain meeting, the way two strangers meet while crossing the same street; the way a flower shop owner and a confused man engage in a conversation about medicinal plants and sunflowers.
They first met on Sungmin’s small flower shop in the corner of a busy street. There were various scents inside as Kyuhyun pushed open the door, its tiny bells sounding. They were not overpowering scents but definitely not inexistent either. They were subtle fragrances, gliding across his nose.
“Hello. How may I help you?” A man from behind the counter greeted with a smile as he looks up from the bouquet of gerberas he had been arranging.
Kyuhyun looked around the shop before shuffling towards the counter, his eyes feasting on the various colors blooming around the place. There were pink roses and violets, white lilies and purple flowers. Some are nameless, others are familiar while some are totally unknown to him.
“I need something… medicinal plant or whatever… for a sick person?” Kyuhyun asked vaguely, gesturing with his hands as he glanced at the nametag of the man. Lee Sungmin, it says.
Sungmin pouted curiously, setting aside the gerberas he had been arranging.
“For you or for someone else?” he asked and smiled.
“For a friend,” Kyuhyun answered, watching as Sungmin trudge over a collection of purely green plants and took hold of a small one, much like an aloe vera. He nodded to himself and handed Kyuhyun the small, potted plant.
“This one’s nice. It relaxes the body and the scent is a bit minty. Put it somewhere near the window,” Sungmin explained. “Is there anything else you need?” He asked, noticing how Kyuhyun had been looking around the shop.
“I just noticed,” Kyuhyun started, unconsciously touching the small plant in his hands. “Aren’t you selling sunflowers?”
With that question, Sungmin shook his head lightly, giving Kyuhyun an unreadable expression.
“I don’t like sunflowers,” he explained. “They’re… a bit weird for me.”
Without another question, Kyuhyun nodded, fished out his wallet and paid for the plant. The little bells sounded once again as he went out, sighing as he noticed how the sky looked gray and sad. It would probably rain soon.
That was how they first met and the five-minute conversation they shared would soon be forgotten, buried beneath layers of more important encounters and conversations.
Cho Kyuhyun is a busy, young professional, probably occupied by a thousand thoughts in his mind. He is a confused young man, concerned about the thoughts of his best friend dying on him. Lee Sungmin, on the other hand is an equally busy shop owner who meets hundreds of nameless faces everyday. The possibility of the two of them remembering each other and that five-minute conversation was close to none. It was part of a normal routine people go through everyday, a part of the mundane activities that occupy each person’s time.
But sometimes, in the middle of ordinary meetings and normal strangers, a chance encounter happens. It is that one single instance that pushes a button somewhere and changes people’s lives forever. It comes in subtle moments, in the most unexpected of all days and in the most ‘un-memorable’ of all circumstances.
It happened for Kyuhyun and Sungmin in that moment, in that conversation about minty plants and sunflowers. And though it’s still a bit too insignificant to notice, a bit of their lives have been changed forever.
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“It’s raining,” Lee Donghae casually commented as he stares outside the window, gazing at the light drizzle that slowly gains intensity with each passing minute. The air felt cold, the way it always does whenever it rains and Donghae rubbed his arm lightly. “It’s been so long since it rained.”
“Hmm,” Kyuhyun grunted as he arranges the medicinal plant near Donghae’s window. “I brought you a herbal plant. It’s for sick people,” he informed the other man as he sat back down beside Donghae.
“And the sunflower on your vase wilted already,” Kyuhyun remarked, pointing at the vase innocently perched near Donghae’s window, beside the medicinal plant. “I don’t even get why you like sunflowers,” the younger man added and stood up, heading towards Donghae’s small kitchen. Halfway through walking, he remembered the flower shop owner and his dislike for sunflowers and Kyuhyun shook his head. What is it about sunflowers anyway?
Donghae grinned and lay back on the sofa, closing his eyes and completely relaxing as he listens to the small sounds Kyuhyun makes as he looks for something. With a smile, he heaved a deep breath and made a satisfied sigh, a relaxed feeling overcoming him. It was something he feels only when Kyuhyun is around. Kyuhyun was his security blanket, his ‘calm’ amidst the ‘storm’… a solid wall he can always rely on when everything around him crumbles. In spite of being years older than Kyuhyun, Donghae had learned that age does not dictate who should rely on who.
“Are you making coffee, Kyu?” Donghae asked softly, his voice slurred from the sudden sleepiness he was feeling. “Make one for me, will you?” he requested and grinned when he heard Kyuhyun’s protest.
“Stick to plain water. Coffee is bad for you, hyung,” Kyuhyun reminded, making his way to the living room. “Are you cold?” he asked, seeing Donghae rub his arms. The other nodded… just a bit of his head moving up and down. Kyuhyun sighed, walking towards Donghae’s bedroom. He returned a minute later with a thin blanket in hand and draped it over the older man.
Donghae murmured a slurred ‘thank you’ as Kyuhyun sat on the vacant space above his head. The taller man smiled slightly as Donghae made a move to position his head on the other’s lap.
“Don’t leave while I sleep,” Donghae requested, his hands clutching the edges of the blanket. “I hate waking up alone.”
Nodding slightly, Kyuhyun ruffled Donghae’s hair, letting his gaze travel towards the closed windows. The rain has gained intensity.
“Hey, hyung…” Kyuhyun whispered softly, running his hands through Donghae’s hair. The other merely grunted sleepily, seeking the warmth of Kyuhyun’s clothes. “Do you remember when we first met?” he asked, as the air around him seemed to turn into hues of sepia, dissolving into the buried memories they both shared. “I can’t really remember it now but I remember you acting younger than me,” he reminisced, his lips curving into a gentle smile.
Donghae opened his eyes halfway and grinned up at him.
“It was raining too on the day we met,” he said and Kyuhyun nodded as he watched the other drift into a peaceful sleep. What kind of dreams would he be having?
Donghae likes sunny dreams and rainbows. He likes to laugh at the silliest of all things; he loves rollercoasters and Ferris Wheels. Donghae is a kid, wrapped up in a nice adult package. Donghae is everything ideal, everything that Kyuhyun looks for in someone else. But it ends as that because sometimes, the ideal remains just… an ideal. Sometimes, people long for something different… someone who contradicts every single dream, every single standard yet completes you in every way.
Donghae might be everything and more… but there will always be something missing with him - a plucked out feather from Kyuhyun’s wings, a piece of jigsaw puzzle gone astray. Yet, Kyuhyun did not have the courage to tell him that. Kyuhyun couldn’t tell his bestfriend that one of these days, he will have to break Donghae’s heart. Kyuhyun didn’t have the courage to tell him that though he cares about Donghae’s health and everything, it will never be enough to change the relationship between them into something romantic.
Leaning close to Donghae’s ears, Kyuhyun whispered, “There’s a flower shop down the street,” he narrated, hearing Donghae’s breathing evening out. “The owner hates sunflowers and I thought… I thought it’s a bit interesting to find someone whose likes and dislikes contradicts yours, hyung.”
Swallowing, Kyuhyun continued, “One of these days, hyung… you’re going to have to stop relying on me…,” he murmured and heaved a brave breath, feeling as if a burden has been lifted from his chest. Little did he know that in that brief moment of courage, he opened a door for something else to enter.
Chance encounters, after all, happen in a series of unexpected, circumstances.
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The second time Kyuhyun met Sungmin, they were walking amidst a crowded Seoul street in the middle of the afternoon rush hour.
Kyuhyun walks slowly, fiddling with his mobile phone, trying to ask Donghae what exact cake flavor he wanted. It was difficult, balancing his bag on his left hand, holding his mobile phone on his right hand and weaving in and out of the crowd with his body. The air is thick with different sounds, animated chatter and someone yelling.
“There’s a paper stuck on your butt!” Someone’s voice clearly said, causing people to turn their heads and snigger. “Hey mister! There’s a freaking paper on your butt!”
Kyuhyun was oblivious to the giggles and the screams until he felt someone’s hand touch his butt. He flinched, turning around madly as he slaps that person’s hand away. What kind of pervert would grope someone in the middle of the crowd?!
His eyes bulged in its sockets as the familiar stranger met his eyes.
“You’re the worst kind of pervert, groping someone in the middle of the crowd!” Kyuhyun hissed, advancing towards the other man.
“I was just…,” Sungmin narrowed his eyes, trying to search within his mind why the other man seemed so familiar. “…trying to remove the paper stuck on your butt…,” he explained and held out the receipt bearing the sports drink Kyuhyun purchased from a convenience store earlier.
“What?” Kyuhyun glared and snatched the paper away from the other man. “Are you… you’re the flower shop owner…,” he stated, his eyes flashing a hint of recognition. “And you’re a pervert,” Kyuhyun stated and turned around, walking briskly to hide his blushing face. Right. He had been walking for almost an hour with a paper stuck on his butt.
“I am not a pervert!” Sungmin hissed from behind him, following Kyuhyun towards the subway station. “I was just trying to help you.”
“By touching my butt,” Kyuhyun stubbornly said and Sungmin cried in protest.
“Why would I even grope another man’s butt?”
“Because you’re the worst kind of pervert.”
Sungmin sighed in defeat as he came to stand beside Kyuhyun, waiting for the train that will bring them home.
“Whatever,” he said and pushed his hands inside his pockets. “Did the medicinal plant work?” he asked, remembering how Kyuhyun had purchased the minty plant from his shop days ago. “It always works for me.”
Kyuhyun looked at him, surprised that the other man even remembered.
“You remembered it?” he asked, glaring as someone accidentally bumped into him.
Sungmin scratched his nose and grinned. “Yeah. I remember,” he admitted. “Well… did it work?”
“I have no idea,” Kyuhyun admitted and stared at his phone, reading Donghae’s message. Chocolate Mousse, Hyunnie, it says. He sighed and stared at the crowd of people, all hurrying to reach a destination. For a brief moment, he wished he could be like them. He wished he could look forward to something other than fulfilling his best friend’s wishes and cravings. He wished he could be excited to go home just because his favorite basketball team’s playing and not because Donghae expected him to be home in that hour, in that exact minute. Sometimes, Kyuhyun wished he could go out and meet new people without the burden of thinking whether Donghae is enjoying his time at home or whether Donghae misses him or not.
Sometimes, all Kyuhyun wanted is a definite destination he chose for himself. Because since Donghae got sick, his reliance on Kyuhyun had also increased.
“My best friend always had weak lungs, I don’t know if it worked for him,” Kyuhyun admitted and flipped his mobile phone shut.
“Hmmm…,” Sungmin said thoughtfully. “You seem… I don’t know. Don’t you want him to get well?” he asked and paused as the train signaled its arrival. The moment the door opened, the crowd huddled, pushed, pulled… did everything to get on the leaving train, as if they’re afraid to get left behind. It was a fast-paced life with people set on their destination. There wasn’t a minute to spare, there wasn’t a moment to be wasted. If you’re not fast enough, you get left behind, but if you’re too fast, too quick… you leave people behind and wonder what could have happened if you stayed.
“Ahhh…,” Sungmin groaned. “We missed it,” he said, watching as the train doors close. He turned to Kyuhyun and made a face. “I don’t really get why people insist on riding a packed train when the next one would probably be almost empty,” he observed.
“They don’t want to get left behind. People feel more comfortable when they know they’re riding on the right train. They cling, they push, they do everything to hold on.” Kyuhyun answered him and Sungmin nodded in agreement. “I’m Cho Kyuhyun, by the way.”
“I’m…”
“Lee Sungmin,” Kyuhyun finished for Sungmin. He grinned when the other gave him a questioning look. “Your nametag. I saw it on your nametag days ago,” he enlightened.
“I see…,” Sungmin nodded and noticed Kyuhyun’s mobile phone lighting. “You have a new message, I think,” he pointed and watched as Kyuhyun opened his phone and made a face. “Bad news?”
Kyuhyun shook his head. “Not really,” he answered and sighed. “Ever had this… this weird longing to do something different with your life? Sometimes… I feel like my whole world has been revolving on taking care of Donghae-hyung that it feels as if I’m…. suffocated,” he asked exasperatedly, finding it a bit weird to pour his heart out in front of a complete stranger in the middle of the subway station.
Sungmin stared at him. “Is he dying?”
“No.”
“Isn’t there a cure for him?”
“I don’t even know.”
“Are you tired of taking care of him?”
Kyuhyun paused. “Donghae-hyung is like… like these people riding on the packed train, sometimes. All they think about is their goal, their comfort zone, without really bothering to look back and think ‘am I suffocating people?’ That’s how he is sometimes.”
“Do you hate him?”
“I don’t. It’s just that…”
“Just that you want him to be able to survive even when you’re not around?” Sungmin finished for him as he unwraps a candy and popped it in his mouth. “Do you know why I hate sunflowers?” he asked suddenly. “Sunflowers can be annoying sometimes. All they do is follow the sun, as if their whole existence depends on it. Well, it probably does… but what happens when the rain continues to pour? They die easily. People can be sunflowers sometimes. We keep on looking for the sunshine instead of finding the alternative when the sun is difficult to find,” he explained and pulled Kyuhyun by the hand when the next train arrived, emptier than the previous ones.
“Plants are really easy to take care of. They just need occasional water and light. They don’t demand much of your time… just some tender care and a loving touch,” Sungmin continued as he sat down beside Kyuhyun. “Now it’s either you allow your best friend to continue being a sunflower or allow him to bloom just like a normal plant. Only you can do something about it.”
Kyuhyun looked at him for a moment and smiled, sighing in comfort as he flips his mobile phone shut.
“You really love plants,” he said and Sungmin nodded. He started talking about weird customers and poisonous flowers and Kyuhyun listened intently. The train was silent, except for their occasional giggles about couples arguing over the perfect color of roses. Sungmin tells the most amusing stories and Kyuhyun found himself relaxing for the first time since he could remember without the burdens of a million thoughts running in his mind.
It was an amusing journey and Sungmin was an amusing conversationalist. When his stop came and Kyuhyun had to leave, he realized he hasn’t bought Donghae’s cake at all.
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“I’m sorry, hyung, I forgot to buy your cake,” Kyuhyun apologized as he looks at the pouting Donghae sitting on the bed. “I… got distracted somewhere,” he explained and remembered Sungmin and his dislikes for sunflower.
“You never forget to buy me something before,” Donghae pouted. “But that’s okay. Wanna play Starcraft instead?” he said, reaching for something.
Kyuhyun stared at him, lost in his own deep thoughts.
It’s either you allow your best friend to continue being a sunflower or allow him to bloom just like a normal plant.
Sungmin’s words haunt his ears, echoing with truthfulness and Kyuhyun found himself looking back to those thirteen years he spent with Donghae. Did he even do something without thinking of Donghae? Every decision Kyuhyun had taken, every road, every detour… he always had Donghae in mind. Up to that day, up to that moment, the only thing Kyuhyun did without thinking of his best friend was to have that conversation with Sungmin. Does he really want this? To be tied up to some obligation he imposed on himself? Sure, Donghae was his best friend, Donghae is the other half of his soul… but Donghae does not own him. He does not own… Kyuhyun’s world.
“It doesn’t have to be me for you, hyung,” Kyuhyun found himself blurting out. “It doesn’t always have to be Kyuhyun and Donghae. Sometimes…,” Kyuhyun rubbed his face. “Sometimes… it needs to be just Kyuhyun or just Donghae. We don’t… we don’t always have to be together.”
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The third time Kyuhyun met Sungmin was in a humid day a week later. It was a little past lunch hour and the crowd inside the fastfood chain thinned, the seats vacant and waiting for the next one to occupy them. The place smells of grilled burgers and French fries and the decorations on the wall depict the late fifties.
“Kyuhyun-sshi.”
Kyuhyun looked up at the sound of his name and found Sungmin standing in front of him with a tray of greasy burger on his hand.
“Sungmin,” Kyuhyun acknowledged, watching as Sungmin took the vacant seat in front of him. “What are you doing here?”
Sungmin gave him a blank stare. “Having lunch?” he said and laughed, unwrapping his burger. “I like the burgers here. They’re greasy and juicy and nice.”
“Aren’t you scared of cholesterol and such?” Kyuhyun teased and Sungmin made a face at him.
“I don’t allow myself to be restricted by other people’s fears. I have my own life to live,” he said and happily took a bite of his food. “This is delicious,” he said with his mouth full, spraying bits of bread in front of Kyuhyun. “Ooops…” he said shyly and covered his mouth.
Kyuhyun watched in amusement, grinning from ear to ear.
“No problem,” he said and waved a dismissive hand. After a long moment of silence, he cleared his throat and started speaking. “I… I haven’t talked to Donghae-hyung for a week now,” he narrated.
Sungmin didn’t stop eating as he listens, nodding his head.
“Do you feel guilty?” he asked and took a sip of his soda. “It’s difficult to step away from something you’re used to. To have done it swiftly is something people rarely do. It takes one step at a time.”
“I know,” Kyuhyun admitted. “I feel a little guilty and I feel like the most evil person on earth. It’s not easy… specially when he’s sick and all… but it’s something I needed to do not just for myself for him as well,” Kyuhyun reasoned, taking a bit of his French fries.
“Do you want to ride a rollercoaster?” Sungmin suddenly asked, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “I haven’t ridden one in a long time. Wanna go ride one today? There’s a newly opened amusement park fifteen minutes away.”
“Huh?” Kyuhyun asked, cocking his head to one side. “What about your flower shop?”
“I hired an assistant. I need a break sometimes, the way you need your breaks with your bestfriend,” Sungmin reasoned, finishing up on his burger. “What do you say?”
Kyuhyun haven’t really done anything on pure impulse. He was a restricted man, limited by a lot of things in his life. He never buys things just because he wanted to, never eats any kind of food just because of a sudden craving, never did anything on the spur of the moment. Everything he did until now has been the product of careful thinking, restricted by his concerns on a lot of things. Yet there was Sungmin, someone who had been a complete stranger to him just weeks ago, tempting him to break away from the normal routines his life has taken so far.
“Are you sure?” Kyuhyun asked and Sungmin raised an eyebrow at him.
“You know, there was once a man who was riding a train while going to work. He was running late for a meeting that day. The man was in his late forties and he spent his life looking for a certain girl he met when he was a teenager. That girl was his first love,” Sungmin started narrating. “She was also the first and only girl he had fallen in love with. And you know what happened? “
“Hmm?”
“While looking outside the window, on the stop right before his own, he saw the girl he was looking for all his life, standing on the subway station. But he was running late for a meeting and though the doors opened, leading him to the woman he loves, he hesitated because he didn’t want to act on impulse. He was an uptight man. Little did he know that it was a holiday and he didn’t have to work that day. If only he stepped right out and talked to her, it would have changed things.”
Kyuhyun stared at him blankly and Sungmin gave a hearty laugh.
“What I’m saying, you dork, is that people lose many chances on living and loving just because they look for a reason in everything they do. You wouldn’t want to grow old wondering how it feels to ride a rollercoaster, would you?” Sungmin asked and half an hour later, they were seated on a rollercoaster, eagerly awaiting the excitement the ride would bring.
“If I throw up and embarrass myself, it will be your fault,” Kyuhyun warned Sungmin as the rollercoaster started moving, slow at first, then gaining speed as it goes. Amidst the screams and the dizzying ride, Kyuhyun vaguely thought that riding rollercoasters is like falling in love. It’s like taking on the unknown, hesitating to fall and when you actually do, when your heart starts to dictate the roads you’ll take and the risks you’re willing to undergo, it becomes a dizzying ride. Dizzying… but definitely the best ride of your life.
They emerged with flushed faces and idiotic grins, with Sungmin rubbing Kyuhyun’s back as he throws up in a corner. He took Kyuhyun’s hand the moment he was through, leading him towards a vacant bench, pushing the taller man’s head to lean on his shoulders.
As Kyuhyun closes his eyes and allowed himself to be led by Sungmin, he wondered... really wondered… if it’s possible to fall in love on the third time you meet someone.
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“It’s been so long since we’ve talked,” Donghae said over the phone that night and Kyuhyun could hear the pout in his voice. “Are you angry?”
Kyuhyun shifted on the bed as he looks for a more comfortable position.
“No,” he said and it was the truth. He could never be angry with Donghae. “It’s just that…hyung… do you ever feel suffocated sometimes?”
“What do you mean?”
“Hyung… have you ever wanted to do something just because you want to, without thinking of me?” Kyuhyun asked, searching for the right words to convey what he really wanted to say.
“I don’t get it, Hyunnie. Why are you suddenly asking me all these things?” Donghae complained and Kyuhyun could hear him breathing heavily.
Closing his eyes, Kyuhyun bravely said, “There’s this flower shop owner, hyung. His shop is just down the street. He hates sunflowers,” he relayed and Donghae grunted.
“I like sunflowers.”
“I know,” Kyuhyun replied. “This man’s name is Sungmin. He’s really a nice man, hyung. And he said that people can be like sunflowers sometimes. We follow the sun all our lives without learning how to live when the sun disappears. Sometimes, people need to learn how to find the alternative and survive even without sunlight. Do you really want to continue being a sunflower, hyung? What if the rain comes and the sun playfully hides away from you?”
There was a pregnant pause and Kyuhyun could hear Donghae sniffing.
“Hyunnie… are you… in love with him?”
The question caught Kyuhyun off-guard and he was suddenly at a loss for words. Is he in love with Sungmin? He only met the man three times and in those three times, he had shared with Sungmin a piece of his mind, a good portion of his heart and a glimpse of his soul. Throughout all of those, Sungmin had listened patiently, lending a patient ear and Kyuhyun likes being with him.
“Hyung…”
“It feels unfair, Hyunnie,” Donghae said, his voice now thick with suppressed tears. “I’ve had you for thirteen years. Thirteen years… and here comes a stranger you met only recently and yet you talk about him… even if I can’t see you, you talk about him with excitement in your voice. It feels unfair… why?”
“Hyung…”
“Thirteen years… thirteen years of being in love with you… it feels unfair, Hyunnie.”
“Hyung!” Kyuhyun exclaimed over the phone. “Stop it… just please… stop it,” he said as he pulled himself up to a sitting position. “I’ll come over. Let’s talk about this…”
“No, don’t!” Donghae exclaimed. “Don’t. I’ll call you,” he said and the line went dead, leaving Kyuhyun’s heart pounding.
One of these days, he really cannot avoid breaking Donghae’s heart.
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The tinkling bells sounded on the flower shop the next day as Sungmin stares outside the window, grinning at the sunny day, to no one in particular. He looks to his right when a soft voice spoke and an unfamiliar man stood right on the doorway.
“Hello,” the man greeted and Sungmin smiled.
“Hello. How may I help you?” Sungmin asked and furrowed his eyebrows a little as he noticed how the man seemed to be studying his features. “Is there… something wrong?”
The man sighed. “I’m Lee Donghae… I take it, you’re Lee Sungmin?” he asked and Sungmin frowned, wondering where he’d heard the familiar name.
“I am… but…”
“I’m Kyuhyun’s friend,” Donghae said. “Cho Kyuhyun. He recommended your shop to me,” he explained and Sungmin’s eyes flashed with recognition.
“O-oh…” he said, realizing that the man standing in front of him is Kyuhyun’s best friend. “Hi,” he said. “What can I do for you?”
Donghae glances around, fiddling with his thumb and in a soft voice, he said, “I just want to purchase sunflowers.”
Sungmin smiled awkwardly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t sell sunflowers,” he apologized. “I do have other flowers and they’re equally as good.”
Donghae seemed to pause a little, looking down on the floor.
“Do you hate sunflowers?” he asked, his voice thin and barely a whisper. “I love sunflowers. They’re bright and they… they remind me of Kyuhyun.”
Sungmin paused to listen, biting his lips to stop himself from commenting.
“We’ve been together for thirteen years,” Donghae continued. “It might not be a perfect thirteen years of friendship but still… thirteen years is thirteen years. I’ve watched him grow up, meet new people but at the end of the day, he always comes back to me,” he explained.
“Donghae-sshi…” Sungmin started. “What are you trying to say?”
Donghae sniffed, willing the lump in his throat to disappear and melt. It didn’t happen. It materialized into tears, flowing down his cheeks, showing Sungmin how much his heart was bleeding.
“I love Kyuhyun. More than anyone ever did, more than anyone can. I love him in a not-so-friendly way and to have him taken away by someone he just met… Sungmin-sshi…,” Donghae looked up. “Do you understand what I’m feeling?”
Sungmin swallowed hard and nodded. “I do. I understand,” he said. “But Donghae-sshi… you do not own Kyuhyun. Thirteen years of friendship will not make you own someone. I do not own Kyuhyun too, no one does,” he explained and offered a chair to Donghae who looks like he will collapse any second.
“For thirteen years, you’ve borrowed Kyuhyun from himself, from his dreams, from his freedom. I am borrowing him too and when he decides to take himself back from us, no one can stop him. The human heart… can never be borrowed,” Sungmin continued and smiled a little. “We can only spend as much time with Kyuhyun as he is willing to give us and when he takes that time back, we do not have the right to question his decision. Donghae-sshi, don’t you think it’s about time to give Kyuhyun back to himself?”
Donghae stared at him with fearful eyes, his mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to say something before dissolving into a coughing fit.
“Hey…,” Sungmin said, moving towards Donghae. “Are you okay?” He asked, patting Donghae on the back. “Do you need water or some - hey!” Sungmin’s sentence was cut off when Donghae suddenly fell limp on his arms, his face pale and his whole body shaking.
“Hey!” Sungmin lightly slapped him, feeling a little panicked. “Hey, don’t do this. Wake up!” he cried, feeling helpless to do anything but yell at the man.
On the other hand, amidst his darkened mind and blurry thoughts, Sungmin’s words vibrated in Donghae’s ears: Don’t you think it’s about time to give Kyuhyun back to himself?
TBC
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1. I’m back? OMG! *runs away* Sorry for the boring story. T^T
2. I was scared in posting this because honestly, I found it difficult to once again get back to writing after being on hiatus. T^T
3. I was supposed to post another 2-part oneshot but it needs massive revision. That’s the one shot where Kyuhyun is sooo out of character. Haha.
4. New series is entitled ‘Tangled’ and I don’t know… maybe I’ll post the first chapter tomorrow? T^T
5. ‘To Love’ updates will be coming in the next few days.
6. Woohoo! I finished the bar exams, a bit battered, traumatized but alive and kicking. Haha. *big hug to everyone*
7. I am once again, too lazy to beta for grammatical errors and the likes. Wahuhu T^T
8. Oh, did I forget to reserve a spot for someone?
Anyway, this isn’t the fic I’m supposed to post but yeah… this was the fic I was a bit confident in posting. I say ‘a bit’ because it’s difficult to once again get back to writing after being on hiatus. Wahuhu. I hope this goes well.
Borrowed Moments
I know I’m only borrowing it.
I know I have to give summer back to you…
Just as you have to give winter… back to me
-I wrote this for you
Cho Kyuhyun first met Lee Sungmin on a gray afternoon in the middle of spring. It was not something fancy and extraordinary nor is it something totally memorable. It was a plain meeting, the way two strangers meet while crossing the same street; the way a flower shop owner and a confused man engage in a conversation about medicinal plants and sunflowers.
They first met on Sungmin’s small flower shop in the corner of a busy street. There were various scents inside as Kyuhyun pushed open the door, its tiny bells sounding. They were not overpowering scents but definitely not inexistent either. They were subtle fragrances, gliding across his nose.
“Hello. How may I help you?” A man from behind the counter greeted with a smile as he looks up from the bouquet of gerberas he had been arranging.
Kyuhyun looked around the shop before shuffling towards the counter, his eyes feasting on the various colors blooming around the place. There were pink roses and violets, white lilies and purple flowers. Some are nameless, others are familiar while some are totally unknown to him.
“I need something… medicinal plant or whatever… for a sick person?” Kyuhyun asked vaguely, gesturing with his hands as he glanced at the nametag of the man. Lee Sungmin, it says.
Sungmin pouted curiously, setting aside the gerberas he had been arranging.
“For you or for someone else?” he asked and smiled.
“For a friend,” Kyuhyun answered, watching as Sungmin trudge over a collection of purely green plants and took hold of a small one, much like an aloe vera. He nodded to himself and handed Kyuhyun the small, potted plant.
“This one’s nice. It relaxes the body and the scent is a bit minty. Put it somewhere near the window,” Sungmin explained. “Is there anything else you need?” He asked, noticing how Kyuhyun had been looking around the shop.
“I just noticed,” Kyuhyun started, unconsciously touching the small plant in his hands. “Aren’t you selling sunflowers?”
With that question, Sungmin shook his head lightly, giving Kyuhyun an unreadable expression.
“I don’t like sunflowers,” he explained. “They’re… a bit weird for me.”
Without another question, Kyuhyun nodded, fished out his wallet and paid for the plant. The little bells sounded once again as he went out, sighing as he noticed how the sky looked gray and sad. It would probably rain soon.
That was how they first met and the five-minute conversation they shared would soon be forgotten, buried beneath layers of more important encounters and conversations.
Cho Kyuhyun is a busy, young professional, probably occupied by a thousand thoughts in his mind. He is a confused young man, concerned about the thoughts of his best friend dying on him. Lee Sungmin, on the other hand is an equally busy shop owner who meets hundreds of nameless faces everyday. The possibility of the two of them remembering each other and that five-minute conversation was close to none. It was part of a normal routine people go through everyday, a part of the mundane activities that occupy each person’s time.
But sometimes, in the middle of ordinary meetings and normal strangers, a chance encounter happens. It is that one single instance that pushes a button somewhere and changes people’s lives forever. It comes in subtle moments, in the most unexpected of all days and in the most ‘un-memorable’ of all circumstances.
It happened for Kyuhyun and Sungmin in that moment, in that conversation about minty plants and sunflowers. And though it’s still a bit too insignificant to notice, a bit of their lives have been changed forever.
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“It’s raining,” Lee Donghae casually commented as he stares outside the window, gazing at the light drizzle that slowly gains intensity with each passing minute. The air felt cold, the way it always does whenever it rains and Donghae rubbed his arm lightly. “It’s been so long since it rained.”
“Hmm,” Kyuhyun grunted as he arranges the medicinal plant near Donghae’s window. “I brought you a herbal plant. It’s for sick people,” he informed the other man as he sat back down beside Donghae.
“And the sunflower on your vase wilted already,” Kyuhyun remarked, pointing at the vase innocently perched near Donghae’s window, beside the medicinal plant. “I don’t even get why you like sunflowers,” the younger man added and stood up, heading towards Donghae’s small kitchen. Halfway through walking, he remembered the flower shop owner and his dislike for sunflowers and Kyuhyun shook his head. What is it about sunflowers anyway?
Donghae grinned and lay back on the sofa, closing his eyes and completely relaxing as he listens to the small sounds Kyuhyun makes as he looks for something. With a smile, he heaved a deep breath and made a satisfied sigh, a relaxed feeling overcoming him. It was something he feels only when Kyuhyun is around. Kyuhyun was his security blanket, his ‘calm’ amidst the ‘storm’… a solid wall he can always rely on when everything around him crumbles. In spite of being years older than Kyuhyun, Donghae had learned that age does not dictate who should rely on who.
“Are you making coffee, Kyu?” Donghae asked softly, his voice slurred from the sudden sleepiness he was feeling. “Make one for me, will you?” he requested and grinned when he heard Kyuhyun’s protest.
“Stick to plain water. Coffee is bad for you, hyung,” Kyuhyun reminded, making his way to the living room. “Are you cold?” he asked, seeing Donghae rub his arms. The other nodded… just a bit of his head moving up and down. Kyuhyun sighed, walking towards Donghae’s bedroom. He returned a minute later with a thin blanket in hand and draped it over the older man.
Donghae murmured a slurred ‘thank you’ as Kyuhyun sat on the vacant space above his head. The taller man smiled slightly as Donghae made a move to position his head on the other’s lap.
“Don’t leave while I sleep,” Donghae requested, his hands clutching the edges of the blanket. “I hate waking up alone.”
Nodding slightly, Kyuhyun ruffled Donghae’s hair, letting his gaze travel towards the closed windows. The rain has gained intensity.
“Hey, hyung…” Kyuhyun whispered softly, running his hands through Donghae’s hair. The other merely grunted sleepily, seeking the warmth of Kyuhyun’s clothes. “Do you remember when we first met?” he asked, as the air around him seemed to turn into hues of sepia, dissolving into the buried memories they both shared. “I can’t really remember it now but I remember you acting younger than me,” he reminisced, his lips curving into a gentle smile.
Donghae opened his eyes halfway and grinned up at him.
“It was raining too on the day we met,” he said and Kyuhyun nodded as he watched the other drift into a peaceful sleep. What kind of dreams would he be having?
Donghae likes sunny dreams and rainbows. He likes to laugh at the silliest of all things; he loves rollercoasters and Ferris Wheels. Donghae is a kid, wrapped up in a nice adult package. Donghae is everything ideal, everything that Kyuhyun looks for in someone else. But it ends as that because sometimes, the ideal remains just… an ideal. Sometimes, people long for something different… someone who contradicts every single dream, every single standard yet completes you in every way.
Donghae might be everything and more… but there will always be something missing with him - a plucked out feather from Kyuhyun’s wings, a piece of jigsaw puzzle gone astray. Yet, Kyuhyun did not have the courage to tell him that. Kyuhyun couldn’t tell his bestfriend that one of these days, he will have to break Donghae’s heart. Kyuhyun didn’t have the courage to tell him that though he cares about Donghae’s health and everything, it will never be enough to change the relationship between them into something romantic.
Leaning close to Donghae’s ears, Kyuhyun whispered, “There’s a flower shop down the street,” he narrated, hearing Donghae’s breathing evening out. “The owner hates sunflowers and I thought… I thought it’s a bit interesting to find someone whose likes and dislikes contradicts yours, hyung.”
Swallowing, Kyuhyun continued, “One of these days, hyung… you’re going to have to stop relying on me…,” he murmured and heaved a brave breath, feeling as if a burden has been lifted from his chest. Little did he know that in that brief moment of courage, he opened a door for something else to enter.
Chance encounters, after all, happen in a series of unexpected, circumstances.
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The second time Kyuhyun met Sungmin, they were walking amidst a crowded Seoul street in the middle of the afternoon rush hour.
Kyuhyun walks slowly, fiddling with his mobile phone, trying to ask Donghae what exact cake flavor he wanted. It was difficult, balancing his bag on his left hand, holding his mobile phone on his right hand and weaving in and out of the crowd with his body. The air is thick with different sounds, animated chatter and someone yelling.
“There’s a paper stuck on your butt!” Someone’s voice clearly said, causing people to turn their heads and snigger. “Hey mister! There’s a freaking paper on your butt!”
Kyuhyun was oblivious to the giggles and the screams until he felt someone’s hand touch his butt. He flinched, turning around madly as he slaps that person’s hand away. What kind of pervert would grope someone in the middle of the crowd?!
His eyes bulged in its sockets as the familiar stranger met his eyes.
“You’re the worst kind of pervert, groping someone in the middle of the crowd!” Kyuhyun hissed, advancing towards the other man.
“I was just…,” Sungmin narrowed his eyes, trying to search within his mind why the other man seemed so familiar. “…trying to remove the paper stuck on your butt…,” he explained and held out the receipt bearing the sports drink Kyuhyun purchased from a convenience store earlier.
“What?” Kyuhyun glared and snatched the paper away from the other man. “Are you… you’re the flower shop owner…,” he stated, his eyes flashing a hint of recognition. “And you’re a pervert,” Kyuhyun stated and turned around, walking briskly to hide his blushing face. Right. He had been walking for almost an hour with a paper stuck on his butt.
“I am not a pervert!” Sungmin hissed from behind him, following Kyuhyun towards the subway station. “I was just trying to help you.”
“By touching my butt,” Kyuhyun stubbornly said and Sungmin cried in protest.
“Why would I even grope another man’s butt?”
“Because you’re the worst kind of pervert.”
Sungmin sighed in defeat as he came to stand beside Kyuhyun, waiting for the train that will bring them home.
“Whatever,” he said and pushed his hands inside his pockets. “Did the medicinal plant work?” he asked, remembering how Kyuhyun had purchased the minty plant from his shop days ago. “It always works for me.”
Kyuhyun looked at him, surprised that the other man even remembered.
“You remembered it?” he asked, glaring as someone accidentally bumped into him.
Sungmin scratched his nose and grinned. “Yeah. I remember,” he admitted. “Well… did it work?”
“I have no idea,” Kyuhyun admitted and stared at his phone, reading Donghae’s message. Chocolate Mousse, Hyunnie, it says. He sighed and stared at the crowd of people, all hurrying to reach a destination. For a brief moment, he wished he could be like them. He wished he could look forward to something other than fulfilling his best friend’s wishes and cravings. He wished he could be excited to go home just because his favorite basketball team’s playing and not because Donghae expected him to be home in that hour, in that exact minute. Sometimes, Kyuhyun wished he could go out and meet new people without the burden of thinking whether Donghae is enjoying his time at home or whether Donghae misses him or not.
Sometimes, all Kyuhyun wanted is a definite destination he chose for himself. Because since Donghae got sick, his reliance on Kyuhyun had also increased.
“My best friend always had weak lungs, I don’t know if it worked for him,” Kyuhyun admitted and flipped his mobile phone shut.
“Hmmm…,” Sungmin said thoughtfully. “You seem… I don’t know. Don’t you want him to get well?” he asked and paused as the train signaled its arrival. The moment the door opened, the crowd huddled, pushed, pulled… did everything to get on the leaving train, as if they’re afraid to get left behind. It was a fast-paced life with people set on their destination. There wasn’t a minute to spare, there wasn’t a moment to be wasted. If you’re not fast enough, you get left behind, but if you’re too fast, too quick… you leave people behind and wonder what could have happened if you stayed.
“Ahhh…,” Sungmin groaned. “We missed it,” he said, watching as the train doors close. He turned to Kyuhyun and made a face. “I don’t really get why people insist on riding a packed train when the next one would probably be almost empty,” he observed.
“They don’t want to get left behind. People feel more comfortable when they know they’re riding on the right train. They cling, they push, they do everything to hold on.” Kyuhyun answered him and Sungmin nodded in agreement. “I’m Cho Kyuhyun, by the way.”
“I’m…”
“Lee Sungmin,” Kyuhyun finished for Sungmin. He grinned when the other gave him a questioning look. “Your nametag. I saw it on your nametag days ago,” he enlightened.
“I see…,” Sungmin nodded and noticed Kyuhyun’s mobile phone lighting. “You have a new message, I think,” he pointed and watched as Kyuhyun opened his phone and made a face. “Bad news?”
Kyuhyun shook his head. “Not really,” he answered and sighed. “Ever had this… this weird longing to do something different with your life? Sometimes… I feel like my whole world has been revolving on taking care of Donghae-hyung that it feels as if I’m…. suffocated,” he asked exasperatedly, finding it a bit weird to pour his heart out in front of a complete stranger in the middle of the subway station.
Sungmin stared at him. “Is he dying?”
“No.”
“Isn’t there a cure for him?”
“I don’t even know.”
“Are you tired of taking care of him?”
Kyuhyun paused. “Donghae-hyung is like… like these people riding on the packed train, sometimes. All they think about is their goal, their comfort zone, without really bothering to look back and think ‘am I suffocating people?’ That’s how he is sometimes.”
“Do you hate him?”
“I don’t. It’s just that…”
“Just that you want him to be able to survive even when you’re not around?” Sungmin finished for him as he unwraps a candy and popped it in his mouth. “Do you know why I hate sunflowers?” he asked suddenly. “Sunflowers can be annoying sometimes. All they do is follow the sun, as if their whole existence depends on it. Well, it probably does… but what happens when the rain continues to pour? They die easily. People can be sunflowers sometimes. We keep on looking for the sunshine instead of finding the alternative when the sun is difficult to find,” he explained and pulled Kyuhyun by the hand when the next train arrived, emptier than the previous ones.
“Plants are really easy to take care of. They just need occasional water and light. They don’t demand much of your time… just some tender care and a loving touch,” Sungmin continued as he sat down beside Kyuhyun. “Now it’s either you allow your best friend to continue being a sunflower or allow him to bloom just like a normal plant. Only you can do something about it.”
Kyuhyun looked at him for a moment and smiled, sighing in comfort as he flips his mobile phone shut.
“You really love plants,” he said and Sungmin nodded. He started talking about weird customers and poisonous flowers and Kyuhyun listened intently. The train was silent, except for their occasional giggles about couples arguing over the perfect color of roses. Sungmin tells the most amusing stories and Kyuhyun found himself relaxing for the first time since he could remember without the burdens of a million thoughts running in his mind.
It was an amusing journey and Sungmin was an amusing conversationalist. When his stop came and Kyuhyun had to leave, he realized he hasn’t bought Donghae’s cake at all.
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“I’m sorry, hyung, I forgot to buy your cake,” Kyuhyun apologized as he looks at the pouting Donghae sitting on the bed. “I… got distracted somewhere,” he explained and remembered Sungmin and his dislikes for sunflower.
“You never forget to buy me something before,” Donghae pouted. “But that’s okay. Wanna play Starcraft instead?” he said, reaching for something.
Kyuhyun stared at him, lost in his own deep thoughts.
It’s either you allow your best friend to continue being a sunflower or allow him to bloom just like a normal plant.
Sungmin’s words haunt his ears, echoing with truthfulness and Kyuhyun found himself looking back to those thirteen years he spent with Donghae. Did he even do something without thinking of Donghae? Every decision Kyuhyun had taken, every road, every detour… he always had Donghae in mind. Up to that day, up to that moment, the only thing Kyuhyun did without thinking of his best friend was to have that conversation with Sungmin. Does he really want this? To be tied up to some obligation he imposed on himself? Sure, Donghae was his best friend, Donghae is the other half of his soul… but Donghae does not own him. He does not own… Kyuhyun’s world.
“It doesn’t have to be me for you, hyung,” Kyuhyun found himself blurting out. “It doesn’t always have to be Kyuhyun and Donghae. Sometimes…,” Kyuhyun rubbed his face. “Sometimes… it needs to be just Kyuhyun or just Donghae. We don’t… we don’t always have to be together.”
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The third time Kyuhyun met Sungmin was in a humid day a week later. It was a little past lunch hour and the crowd inside the fastfood chain thinned, the seats vacant and waiting for the next one to occupy them. The place smells of grilled burgers and French fries and the decorations on the wall depict the late fifties.
“Kyuhyun-sshi.”
Kyuhyun looked up at the sound of his name and found Sungmin standing in front of him with a tray of greasy burger on his hand.
“Sungmin,” Kyuhyun acknowledged, watching as Sungmin took the vacant seat in front of him. “What are you doing here?”
Sungmin gave him a blank stare. “Having lunch?” he said and laughed, unwrapping his burger. “I like the burgers here. They’re greasy and juicy and nice.”
“Aren’t you scared of cholesterol and such?” Kyuhyun teased and Sungmin made a face at him.
“I don’t allow myself to be restricted by other people’s fears. I have my own life to live,” he said and happily took a bite of his food. “This is delicious,” he said with his mouth full, spraying bits of bread in front of Kyuhyun. “Ooops…” he said shyly and covered his mouth.
Kyuhyun watched in amusement, grinning from ear to ear.
“No problem,” he said and waved a dismissive hand. After a long moment of silence, he cleared his throat and started speaking. “I… I haven’t talked to Donghae-hyung for a week now,” he narrated.
Sungmin didn’t stop eating as he listens, nodding his head.
“Do you feel guilty?” he asked and took a sip of his soda. “It’s difficult to step away from something you’re used to. To have done it swiftly is something people rarely do. It takes one step at a time.”
“I know,” Kyuhyun admitted. “I feel a little guilty and I feel like the most evil person on earth. It’s not easy… specially when he’s sick and all… but it’s something I needed to do not just for myself for him as well,” Kyuhyun reasoned, taking a bit of his French fries.
“Do you want to ride a rollercoaster?” Sungmin suddenly asked, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “I haven’t ridden one in a long time. Wanna go ride one today? There’s a newly opened amusement park fifteen minutes away.”
“Huh?” Kyuhyun asked, cocking his head to one side. “What about your flower shop?”
“I hired an assistant. I need a break sometimes, the way you need your breaks with your bestfriend,” Sungmin reasoned, finishing up on his burger. “What do you say?”
Kyuhyun haven’t really done anything on pure impulse. He was a restricted man, limited by a lot of things in his life. He never buys things just because he wanted to, never eats any kind of food just because of a sudden craving, never did anything on the spur of the moment. Everything he did until now has been the product of careful thinking, restricted by his concerns on a lot of things. Yet there was Sungmin, someone who had been a complete stranger to him just weeks ago, tempting him to break away from the normal routines his life has taken so far.
“Are you sure?” Kyuhyun asked and Sungmin raised an eyebrow at him.
“You know, there was once a man who was riding a train while going to work. He was running late for a meeting that day. The man was in his late forties and he spent his life looking for a certain girl he met when he was a teenager. That girl was his first love,” Sungmin started narrating. “She was also the first and only girl he had fallen in love with. And you know what happened? “
“Hmm?”
“While looking outside the window, on the stop right before his own, he saw the girl he was looking for all his life, standing on the subway station. But he was running late for a meeting and though the doors opened, leading him to the woman he loves, he hesitated because he didn’t want to act on impulse. He was an uptight man. Little did he know that it was a holiday and he didn’t have to work that day. If only he stepped right out and talked to her, it would have changed things.”
Kyuhyun stared at him blankly and Sungmin gave a hearty laugh.
“What I’m saying, you dork, is that people lose many chances on living and loving just because they look for a reason in everything they do. You wouldn’t want to grow old wondering how it feels to ride a rollercoaster, would you?” Sungmin asked and half an hour later, they were seated on a rollercoaster, eagerly awaiting the excitement the ride would bring.
“If I throw up and embarrass myself, it will be your fault,” Kyuhyun warned Sungmin as the rollercoaster started moving, slow at first, then gaining speed as it goes. Amidst the screams and the dizzying ride, Kyuhyun vaguely thought that riding rollercoasters is like falling in love. It’s like taking on the unknown, hesitating to fall and when you actually do, when your heart starts to dictate the roads you’ll take and the risks you’re willing to undergo, it becomes a dizzying ride. Dizzying… but definitely the best ride of your life.
They emerged with flushed faces and idiotic grins, with Sungmin rubbing Kyuhyun’s back as he throws up in a corner. He took Kyuhyun’s hand the moment he was through, leading him towards a vacant bench, pushing the taller man’s head to lean on his shoulders.
As Kyuhyun closes his eyes and allowed himself to be led by Sungmin, he wondered... really wondered… if it’s possible to fall in love on the third time you meet someone.
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“It’s been so long since we’ve talked,” Donghae said over the phone that night and Kyuhyun could hear the pout in his voice. “Are you angry?”
Kyuhyun shifted on the bed as he looks for a more comfortable position.
“No,” he said and it was the truth. He could never be angry with Donghae. “It’s just that…hyung… do you ever feel suffocated sometimes?”
“What do you mean?”
“Hyung… have you ever wanted to do something just because you want to, without thinking of me?” Kyuhyun asked, searching for the right words to convey what he really wanted to say.
“I don’t get it, Hyunnie. Why are you suddenly asking me all these things?” Donghae complained and Kyuhyun could hear him breathing heavily.
Closing his eyes, Kyuhyun bravely said, “There’s this flower shop owner, hyung. His shop is just down the street. He hates sunflowers,” he relayed and Donghae grunted.
“I like sunflowers.”
“I know,” Kyuhyun replied. “This man’s name is Sungmin. He’s really a nice man, hyung. And he said that people can be like sunflowers sometimes. We follow the sun all our lives without learning how to live when the sun disappears. Sometimes, people need to learn how to find the alternative and survive even without sunlight. Do you really want to continue being a sunflower, hyung? What if the rain comes and the sun playfully hides away from you?”
There was a pregnant pause and Kyuhyun could hear Donghae sniffing.
“Hyunnie… are you… in love with him?”
The question caught Kyuhyun off-guard and he was suddenly at a loss for words. Is he in love with Sungmin? He only met the man three times and in those three times, he had shared with Sungmin a piece of his mind, a good portion of his heart and a glimpse of his soul. Throughout all of those, Sungmin had listened patiently, lending a patient ear and Kyuhyun likes being with him.
“Hyung…”
“It feels unfair, Hyunnie,” Donghae said, his voice now thick with suppressed tears. “I’ve had you for thirteen years. Thirteen years… and here comes a stranger you met only recently and yet you talk about him… even if I can’t see you, you talk about him with excitement in your voice. It feels unfair… why?”
“Hyung…”
“Thirteen years… thirteen years of being in love with you… it feels unfair, Hyunnie.”
“Hyung!” Kyuhyun exclaimed over the phone. “Stop it… just please… stop it,” he said as he pulled himself up to a sitting position. “I’ll come over. Let’s talk about this…”
“No, don’t!” Donghae exclaimed. “Don’t. I’ll call you,” he said and the line went dead, leaving Kyuhyun’s heart pounding.
One of these days, he really cannot avoid breaking Donghae’s heart.
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The tinkling bells sounded on the flower shop the next day as Sungmin stares outside the window, grinning at the sunny day, to no one in particular. He looks to his right when a soft voice spoke and an unfamiliar man stood right on the doorway.
“Hello,” the man greeted and Sungmin smiled.
“Hello. How may I help you?” Sungmin asked and furrowed his eyebrows a little as he noticed how the man seemed to be studying his features. “Is there… something wrong?”
The man sighed. “I’m Lee Donghae… I take it, you’re Lee Sungmin?” he asked and Sungmin frowned, wondering where he’d heard the familiar name.
“I am… but…”
“I’m Kyuhyun’s friend,” Donghae said. “Cho Kyuhyun. He recommended your shop to me,” he explained and Sungmin’s eyes flashed with recognition.
“O-oh…” he said, realizing that the man standing in front of him is Kyuhyun’s best friend. “Hi,” he said. “What can I do for you?”
Donghae glances around, fiddling with his thumb and in a soft voice, he said, “I just want to purchase sunflowers.”
Sungmin smiled awkwardly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t sell sunflowers,” he apologized. “I do have other flowers and they’re equally as good.”
Donghae seemed to pause a little, looking down on the floor.
“Do you hate sunflowers?” he asked, his voice thin and barely a whisper. “I love sunflowers. They’re bright and they… they remind me of Kyuhyun.”
Sungmin paused to listen, biting his lips to stop himself from commenting.
“We’ve been together for thirteen years,” Donghae continued. “It might not be a perfect thirteen years of friendship but still… thirteen years is thirteen years. I’ve watched him grow up, meet new people but at the end of the day, he always comes back to me,” he explained.
“Donghae-sshi…” Sungmin started. “What are you trying to say?”
Donghae sniffed, willing the lump in his throat to disappear and melt. It didn’t happen. It materialized into tears, flowing down his cheeks, showing Sungmin how much his heart was bleeding.
“I love Kyuhyun. More than anyone ever did, more than anyone can. I love him in a not-so-friendly way and to have him taken away by someone he just met… Sungmin-sshi…,” Donghae looked up. “Do you understand what I’m feeling?”
Sungmin swallowed hard and nodded. “I do. I understand,” he said. “But Donghae-sshi… you do not own Kyuhyun. Thirteen years of friendship will not make you own someone. I do not own Kyuhyun too, no one does,” he explained and offered a chair to Donghae who looks like he will collapse any second.
“For thirteen years, you’ve borrowed Kyuhyun from himself, from his dreams, from his freedom. I am borrowing him too and when he decides to take himself back from us, no one can stop him. The human heart… can never be borrowed,” Sungmin continued and smiled a little. “We can only spend as much time with Kyuhyun as he is willing to give us and when he takes that time back, we do not have the right to question his decision. Donghae-sshi, don’t you think it’s about time to give Kyuhyun back to himself?”
Donghae stared at him with fearful eyes, his mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to say something before dissolving into a coughing fit.
“Hey…,” Sungmin said, moving towards Donghae. “Are you okay?” He asked, patting Donghae on the back. “Do you need water or some - hey!” Sungmin’s sentence was cut off when Donghae suddenly fell limp on his arms, his face pale and his whole body shaking.
“Hey!” Sungmin lightly slapped him, feeling a little panicked. “Hey, don’t do this. Wake up!” he cried, feeling helpless to do anything but yell at the man.
On the other hand, amidst his darkened mind and blurry thoughts, Sungmin’s words vibrated in Donghae’s ears: Don’t you think it’s about time to give Kyuhyun back to himself?
TBC
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1. I’m back? OMG! *runs away* Sorry for the boring story. T^T
2. I was scared in posting this because honestly, I found it difficult to once again get back to writing after being on hiatus. T^T
3. I was supposed to post another 2-part oneshot but it needs massive revision. That’s the one shot where Kyuhyun is sooo out of character. Haha.
4. New series is entitled ‘Tangled’ and I don’t know… maybe I’ll post the first chapter tomorrow? T^T
5. ‘To Love’ updates will be coming in the next few days.
6. Woohoo! I finished the bar exams, a bit battered, traumatized but alive and kicking. Haha. *big hug to everyone*
7. I am once again, too lazy to beta for grammatical errors and the likes. Wahuhu T^T
8. Oh, did I forget to reserve a spot for someone?