ugh
It figures that I would have to wait until after we buy a house to realize that I want out of my job, possibly my career. I love what I do, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I'm cut out for the politics and personalities of the profession. I am way to sensitive, and after a year of stress and struggle, I think that I really want a place where I can just BE MYSELF and not have to worry about the 'wrong' person not liking me. I want to be in a place in my life (I mean, I'm 35 for christsakes') where I don't have to worry about someone else's shit, or agenda, to be able to be happy, support my family, have my babies, or just LIVE. WHEN do I get to relax, and just not worry about crap? I mean, how much shit is a person supposed to put up with?
Anyway, my career has reached a point where I really wish I could chuck it all and go back to waiting tables and making art, not following an unnatural sleep pattern, not feeling that I had to kiss anyone's ass or put up with someone's superior psychoses. Just living who I am. I get the feeling that this isn't who I am. That's not good, right?
SO now we have this house, which I love, but I can't just make a decision and make myself happier by quitting an unhappy place and doing what I want to do. I've done it for 35 years, just doing wanted and needed to do to make myself happy, and now I feel like I'm yoked into adulthood, yoked by my own choice, and I didn't anticipate this feeling to come back. The feeling that I need to shake everything up, to avoid the ROUTINE of living. But it did, and I can't make the adjustments that I need to make, because I now have this huge financial responsibility.
What to do...?
Anyway, my career has reached a point where I really wish I could chuck it all and go back to waiting tables and making art, not following an unnatural sleep pattern, not feeling that I had to kiss anyone's ass or put up with someone's superior psychoses. Just living who I am. I get the feeling that this isn't who I am. That's not good, right?
SO now we have this house, which I love, but I can't just make a decision and make myself happier by quitting an unhappy place and doing what I want to do. I've done it for 35 years, just doing wanted and needed to do to make myself happy, and now I feel like I'm yoked into adulthood, yoked by my own choice, and I didn't anticipate this feeling to come back. The feeling that I need to shake everything up, to avoid the ROUTINE of living. But it did, and I can't make the adjustments that I need to make, because I now have this huge financial responsibility.
What to do...?