The Uncouth And Tactless Birthday
Against my normally half-way decent judgment, as well as my normally half-way nice conscience: I've decided to make this excerpt from my mind public. Yes public. Here is me in all my nasty rantin' glory. Turn back if you wish, if not and you want to see a nice little soap opera episode, by all means read along. Call this my birthday present to myself.
Today is my birthday. Never thought I'd make it this far. *shrugs* What does that matter though? What matters is me, myself, and I, when it comes to a birthday like this one.
Alittle back information: GF and I broke up (girlfriend not Guardian Force, *mumbles* stupid geeks *grins*), GF and I try to stay on speakin' terms. I get irriatated with foolishness very easily. I get irate with the intelligent people who act like self important fools. Have to deal with enough of those thank you! Ok so more recently: ex-GF doesn't appear to realize that she's become more thoughtless than even myself. And that's sayin' somethin'. Cuz I try to at least maintain a courtesy that doesn't come off as snooty or pompous. She tries to blame it on her English and fatigue. Listen I know how good her English is, and I know that even if she's exhausted she's capable of thinkin' for a split second before typin'. But nope, she claims otherwise. Oh and she claims that certain things aren't other's business. Things that upset me she says. I beg to differ. Want to know why? Because the people who find out those things or hear those things from me are people I've known for years. People who care a damn sight more for me. People who'd never lead me astray and would at least give me some common human courtesy before spoutin' off.
Ok so this sounds nasty right? Think I'm just sittin' here on my birthday for fuck's sake and rantin' about the "ex girlfriend" rant that many do on these LJ's.
Ok then - so if a woman is a total drama queen (non-stop I may add, no matter her issues) who decides that I'm upsettin' her if I said more than "Uh-huh" "Uhn-uhn" "Yep" "Nope" "Love you" "Bye" or any other things along those lines, all the while claimin' that she wants to know my thoughts. Riiiiiiight. And no I'm not exaggeratin' either. Lookin' over the convos she and I had in the last death throes of the mockery of a relationship that we'd become, those are practically the only conversation forms I saw on my end. Oh and did I mention that her family hates me even more than most families do a pagan soldier? Hmm hmm? As well as the fact that I always felt on display and had to "prove" myself non-fuckin' STOP! I get that ENOUGH thank you ever so fuckin' much as is in the military. I don't need it from some people who don't know me. I mean I could deal with some of it. Some. But I don't need to prove myself to anyone. That's not what relationship is about.
Enough on the backstory shit. (And also I know that most guys who rant and rave about an ex are usually the ones who got dumped. While I'm not so tactless as this I could possibly show you an part of the conversation of where I broke it off. Not that I will because frankly - I'm a better man than that, and seek to prove nuthin')So since I'm goin' off on a particular thing in a while, and since there's always a chance I may not come back, I figured I'd tie up all my loose ends. It gives me some peace to focus on what the fuck I'm doin' out there. And so I message her sayin' y'know that I'm sorry and that crap, not like I was tryin' to get back with her - cuz that's over, and that y'know I'd at least like us to be on decent terms. She says somethin' along the lines of me bein' dead. Ohhkaaay. I don't give even a quarter of a shit if that's metaphorical. Not really. Because that was probably the STUPIDEST and most INSENSITIVE thing that ANYONE could've said right then. Now more recently she's said she's sorry for hurtin' me et cetera on that statement, but really - how hard is it to think for a moment and at least say "Oh I hope you wind up ok" or even the perfunctory "Oh that's nice"? Not too freakin' hard. After that we'd settled on decent terms.
Or so I thought.
Not too long ago - maybe 30 mins from this exact second - she messages me sayin' happy birthday and that she releases me from all promises et cetera that we'd made eachother. Plus "don't off my uncle."
Now the bastard may deserve it for what he's done to her, but what the hell makes her think I'd do that? Huh? It's not worth my time. Besides - all promises bein' off the table? *snort* Hello - we broke up. It's OVER. That means ALL PROMISES ARE AUTOMATICALLY OFF THE FUCKING TABLE! Does she think me so stupid? Obviously.
So I believe I shall show you what I typed back - it's highly applicable.
laird_varien (6:28:24 AM): Besides 1 - I was feelin' fine until you mssged me so crudely
laird_varien (6:28:38 AM): It's like hello no duh - promises are off the thing now
laird_varien (6:28:46 AM): So therefore i.e. why bother with the pretense?
laird_varien (6:29:13 AM): 2 - your uncle? I never promised I'd hunt him down, I said if I ever MET him and so obviously I'm not gonna ever meet him
laird_varien (6:29:27 AM): Try logic on for size, might do you some good
laird_varien (6:29:41 AM): Also - flowery speeches are better left in Spanish - they just come off idiotic in English
laird_varien (6:29:59 AM): And thirdly - my birthday *shakes head* is NOT the time to broach such things
laird_varien (6:33:35 AM): And if you merely wished to wish me a happy birthday a simple "happy birthday" woulda sufficed. But nope - you go stirrin' shit up I'd already set aside *shakes head* try on some tact too while you're at it
And that's the meanest I've ever been to anyone. And I mean that quite honestly. To anyone I've cared about in the past, if I ever say anythin' "bad" 'bout 'em that's in private. Not in a semi-public forum. That's why this is my birthday present to myself. I'm gonna say what I think and what I feel and I'm not goona give a shit 'bout what anyone thinks of me for it.
No amount of explainin' things will ever make some shit better, because some thoughtlessness can be tolerated but outright tactlessness and a total absence of logic? No. That won't be tolerated. Not when you say it to me on my fuckin' birthday. As if I don't have enough problems.
What with a dead twin brother so I'm sittin' here celebratin' only half my fuckin' birthday, what with nothin' to do on my actual birthday. Nope. I sure as fuck didn't need that extra little dose of idiocy.
Happy muther fuckin' birthday Me.
And when I post this every single last bridge is burnt. And I don't care.