of myself and others.

[vectormouse]

I often look at my financial statments and say WTF! Then I go back and try to think of what the hell I did with it all, I make a good wage, but I never seem to have enough. Then I think back and remember, I give, I give until it hurts me and I am playing catch up. I know it's my fault. People will be talking with me just for advise on how to get a problem solved, especially monetary, and I will give advise, but more often then not, they will leave me with what they need in their pocket. Not that they ask, and sometimes they don't even know it is there, (yes I have done the reverse pickpocket and then told them about it later.)even when I have talked to a person and given them the money to their face, I never expect to see it again.

I am very ok with it. It is who I am, it is how i have always been. "Want to go see a movie, no money no problem, your driving I'll pay." Ever since I started making my own money(generally hard earned) I have always seemed to given it away to those I love that are in need. While I want to continue to do this I realize now, it is time to take care of myself more. So I guess this is kind of a vow so to speak, that I will not give money away, spot, or just pay for things, until I am fincially sound.

If it is a severe case, I may have to break this promise. But, hopefully god willing it will not be until I am completely stable, where helping those I feel moved to doesn't harm me, it only brings me joy.

If money is the root of all Evil, I hope that one day, I am able to wield that evil like a sword and shield, hopefully they will shine brighter then ever for me.