Egotistical Embarrassment
Hey there, LJ. It's been a while, hasn't it?
Where have I been for over a month? Swept up in the craziness that is NYU and NYC.
Let's explore:
I should quit drinking. I should, but I'm not going to. This has nothing to do with general health issues, this has to do with social behavior.
I have noticed that after a night of drinking, I wake up the next morning feeling pangs of embarrassment at some stupid thing I did the night before. It could be something very small, like a comment made or a text message sent. I could be something much bigger, like attempting to get all touchy-feely with a guy who is obviously not interested in me. For some reason, the fact that I am embarrassing myself does not register until I awake in sobriety the next morning.
October was a month like many here in New York. The Core Four (Akilah, Rachel, Mary Ann, and myself) were giddy as could be. In television, Weeds came to an exciting season finale, and Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 was entertaining us every week. In politics, Republicans were slowly slipping into the mire of political and sexual scandal that would spell their demise in November. In social news, we were out almost every night. I had a kick-ass impromptu Halloween party and left the residual mess in my apartment until my maid came to clean a week later. But something was awry. I was noticing that I was showing up to class hungover very often. Mary Ann was noticing her bar tabs were raping her wallet of what little cash she had. Rachel was sleeping on my couch more often than she slept at home. Akilah was getting laid more often than...well, actually, that wasn't out of the ordinary; but her step-brother was staying on her couch for a week or so, and she had come home to find her apartment smelling of urine more than once (he had drunkenly pissed on her couch...twice).
Something had to be done. So Akilah declared November a month of sobriety. No drinking. NO drinking in November. Well, except for Thanksgiving. You have to drink on Thanksgiving. Oh, and Kate's birthday. No drinking except on Thanksgiving and Kate's birthday. Right...
To be fair, Akilah and Rachel have been keeping with the pledge. Mary Ann and myself? Not so much. I have, however, cut back, and I've stopped drinking brown liquors. I've only been drinking on special events and Friday nights. I know, I know. "What constitutes a special event?" Well, that would be a birthday, or some fabulous once-in-a-lifetime party. Trust me, I've been very good. No more showing up to class hungover. And I feel great! It really is a wonderful way to combat seasonal depression, and get rid of post-drunken embarrassment.
I used to call this kind of feeling: Egotistical Embarrassment. Meaning: I think so highly of myself that I am embarrassed by my drunken antics because I think that everyone I hung out with the night before has nothing better to do but spend all day thinking about me and my stupid behavior. Arrogant, right? Still, it exists, probably as a personal reminder, so that next time you don't send 12 text messages reading: "Hey" to someone you like but can't talk to, or drunkenly spoon the passed-out younger brother of a girl whom you've only met once before on an air mattress in her living room. These are not the acts of a sober person, but they happen, and when out wake up at 4pm the following day, there's nothing that embarrasses you more. Perhaps, perhaps the other people around you are drunk enough to forgive these transgressions, but there's never any way to be completely sure.
Happy November. Welcome back!
Where have I been for over a month? Swept up in the craziness that is NYU and NYC.
Let's explore:
I should quit drinking. I should, but I'm not going to. This has nothing to do with general health issues, this has to do with social behavior.
I have noticed that after a night of drinking, I wake up the next morning feeling pangs of embarrassment at some stupid thing I did the night before. It could be something very small, like a comment made or a text message sent. I could be something much bigger, like attempting to get all touchy-feely with a guy who is obviously not interested in me. For some reason, the fact that I am embarrassing myself does not register until I awake in sobriety the next morning.
October was a month like many here in New York. The Core Four (Akilah, Rachel, Mary Ann, and myself) were giddy as could be. In television, Weeds came to an exciting season finale, and Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 was entertaining us every week. In politics, Republicans were slowly slipping into the mire of political and sexual scandal that would spell their demise in November. In social news, we were out almost every night. I had a kick-ass impromptu Halloween party and left the residual mess in my apartment until my maid came to clean a week later. But something was awry. I was noticing that I was showing up to class hungover very often. Mary Ann was noticing her bar tabs were raping her wallet of what little cash she had. Rachel was sleeping on my couch more often than she slept at home. Akilah was getting laid more often than...well, actually, that wasn't out of the ordinary; but her step-brother was staying on her couch for a week or so, and she had come home to find her apartment smelling of urine more than once (he had drunkenly pissed on her couch...twice).
Something had to be done. So Akilah declared November a month of sobriety. No drinking. NO drinking in November. Well, except for Thanksgiving. You have to drink on Thanksgiving. Oh, and Kate's birthday. No drinking except on Thanksgiving and Kate's birthday. Right...
To be fair, Akilah and Rachel have been keeping with the pledge. Mary Ann and myself? Not so much. I have, however, cut back, and I've stopped drinking brown liquors. I've only been drinking on special events and Friday nights. I know, I know. "What constitutes a special event?" Well, that would be a birthday, or some fabulous once-in-a-lifetime party. Trust me, I've been very good. No more showing up to class hungover. And I feel great! It really is a wonderful way to combat seasonal depression, and get rid of post-drunken embarrassment.
I used to call this kind of feeling: Egotistical Embarrassment. Meaning: I think so highly of myself that I am embarrassed by my drunken antics because I think that everyone I hung out with the night before has nothing better to do but spend all day thinking about me and my stupid behavior. Arrogant, right? Still, it exists, probably as a personal reminder, so that next time you don't send 12 text messages reading: "Hey" to someone you like but can't talk to, or drunkenly spoon the passed-out younger brother of a girl whom you've only met once before on an air mattress in her living room. These are not the acts of a sober person, but they happen, and when out wake up at 4pm the following day, there's nothing that embarrasses you more. Perhaps, perhaps the other people around you are drunk enough to forgive these transgressions, but there's never any way to be completely sure.
Happy November. Welcome back!