he's gone and i'm sad

[vctwilightchick]

darren is away on the band trip in san fransisco, and i feel so dejected and alone. I feel like no one cares any more. what is the point of life if you have no one around to care? i really hate when i feel like this. drowning in my own tears and endless eternal misery... ehy oh why must i feel this way? i hate myself, i really do, for being like this. what did i do to deserve this? i really dont know. all i know, if i didnt have darren i wouldnt be here. i cant take this life of mine without help. hes my real psychiatrist, and i need him, badly. i dont get to see the ones that were issued to me, so he has to do. what about poor old me? why cant anyone see the real me? because i need me back!!! not the person who everyone sees on the outside, but the real me, the real liz that cries to get out. im trapped like a prisoner of war. i want myself back. the person who used to smile all the time with no reason. the person who loved life. the person who enjoys being around people. not the liz who cries at night because she cant deal with all of the terrors of the night and out of fear of what will happen the next day. why is liz so afraid? i dont know, i can even figure that out myself. all i know is that i want to be...
why cant i be the real
true me
the one who longs for a tender touch
or for a long soft kiss at night
the one that people like
the one that people dont make fun of
the one that has respect

i dont know where i have gone
or where i will be tommorow
but cant you help me
to let out
everything i truly can be?

i miss darren,
isnt that obvious
i need him
to wipe away the tears
and bring back the joy to my heart

i need darren,
to be by my side
and to tell me
that everythings gonna be alright
after all the pain has set in

i want darren,
to understand
everything that i can be
and try to explain
and that i love him

darren and i,
what a perfect thing
not only for me,
but for him
because he gets to see the real me...

when will all the sorrow leave
will it leave on the morrow,
or will it last forever...

when will all this pain leave,
all of this endless reprieve
go away and leave me be...

when will i feel whole again
when will i breathe free
when will i get a chance to be me?

i have thought a lot since he has gone away
some angel must have taken him away
to save for a better day
when his life will have a chance to pay
for sunny skies
and birds that soar by
free and high
among the clouds where you may hear
the harps clear melodious peal
the angelic choir
tuned by gods great ear
to sing a song that will warm the hearts
of people far and wide
or perhaps its a song of love
that falls down from up above,
telling the crowds
to let go of their harsh words
and love everyone
it should not be a song of sorrow
that darkens the skies
because one lonley person
cries out to be loved and cherished.
perhaps the summer sun
can reveal what is nessary for a beautiful life...

liz