An Oxymoron
my life has become one huge oxymoron. I am dead but still alive. i wish i were dead, then finally people can get on with their lives. and i can finally be me. without judgements, without pain, without fear. I need to learn to love myself so i can survive, but how can I??? I cant learn to if no one is willing to love me and teach me how to love myself. "pretty baby oh the place that you hold in my heart, would you break it apart, again?" i wish i could just fade away. no one would even notice if i were gone. i wonder how it would feel to die. would all of your pain and heartache just slip away, like sand out of a sieve? or would it just be a dull void? i wonder. i am a lost soul, a lost shep, that was overlooked. i need to have someone heard me back to the life of the living, into reality. No one seems to love me, or seems to care. I guess i will soon find out the wonders of the dead. who knows. i am a coward. i couldnt do it, but i wish i could. all the pain will become a load to heavy to bear... i dont think i can love anymore....i cant love you anymore...it hurts too much...everyone has already given up on me. your brain is saying you havent, but youre heart is saying that you have and its saying to move on to something better, more worthwhile. "dont discard me just because you think i lead you on..." "too late to save myself from falling" i simply live, because other forces refuse to let me die. i suppose life isnt fair, but why does life have to be so fucking cruel to me? what did i ever do? nothing. i guess that's it. i am too scared to stand up for what i believe in. oh well. i guess i will just lie here alone, and try to sleep. hopefully i can coax my brain and my heart to forget for one night, as the exaustion finally takes over my body. my soul is black, and i can't change it back. " we were all in love, and we all got hurt..." how true is that?