Well look who the cat dragged in.
Dreamt that I had a long night from filming, and I slept the day away.
In the dream, I woke up around 4pm, groggy. I get on my laptop, check emails, browse facebook...and I notice that Antonio, probably the one and only person in this entire planet to successfully take advantage of me, lie himself, to my face, and lie to my friends, had been liking my photos and status updates. We aren't friends on there anymore, but he is still able to see my public posts. Now I notice that he is making it clear to me that he is facebook stalking me again. I notice from his thumbnail that he looks incredibly different. My curiosity gets the best of me and I click on his profile. I am a little surprised not to see him with his ex. He has a lot of pictures with this new, conventionally beautiful blonde girl with big, full lips, a rounded and pointy nose, nice cheekbones, and amazing big green eyes.
For a moment, I feel incredibly ugly, because of the part of me that used to wish I looked like a conventional, blonde beauty.
Then I push those thoughts aside as it hits me that she looks familiar. Turns out she's an acquaintance I used to be friends with in elementary school. She was always a sweet girl. And now I felt sorry for her, if she is dating him.
...is she his next victim?
I notice in his photos that he himself has lost a lot of weight, and is now in shape. He also got a new hairstyle; he straightens and combs his hair to reflect some sort of 1920's influenced style. I cannot help but think he did all of this just to spite me. And now he's trying to get my attention by showing up in my facebook notifications.
Whatever, that coward doesn't deserve my attention, or my thoughts. Shit's in the past.
And I close my laptop.
I walk downstairs to see my parents and my sister watching a movie.
I look down at the floor and I see a pair of shoes that don't belong to either of us...they look oddly familiar, in fact.
Then I see a pair of pants laying on the kitchen floor that also...don't belong to either of us.
I ask my mother if we have company over...and whose shoes and clothes those are. She just looks at me and tells me to shush, and not to say a word. I look back at the shoes.
Where have I seen these before?...they look like...his...
And that's when he walks into the kitchen.
Antonio.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING HERE?
I look at my mom, and she gives me a look, with her index finger vertically held against her mouth.
Right. Don't say anything.
I quietly sit there on the floor of the kitchen as I watch Antonio gather his extra pair of pants and shoes.
Was there some sort of emergency that he had to ask for help? I don't care. That coward abused my trust, toyed with me, and didn't even have enough courage to face me and apologize in person. And on top of that, he sends me texts that I ignore, stalks my facebook, as if nothing had happened? How dare he show his face around here...
He politely walks up to my parents and thanks them for all of their help. Then he walks towards the laundry room to exit through the garage. I follow him, and I close the door behind us, and block his exit.
Now he thinks he can leave my home without fucking facing me?
I don't say a word, but I immediately lift my hand to slap him.
He deflects my slap, and avoids making any eye contact with me.
For some reason, it's as if I am dramatically losing strength in my arms, not even enough to get in one simple slap.
Motherfucker can't even look me in the eyes. Now I was determined to get one slap in.
But the more I tired, the more my arms weakened. I could barely even lift them.
I made one last attempt, and as my arms started falling I grabbed onto his shirt collar as he grabbed my wrists. I began making all desperate attempts to claw and scratch at him. Finally, at last, I managed to scratch him so hard around his jaw/neck line that he started to bleed a little bit. I finally let go and he pushed me off of him, walking out as fast as he could, still avoiding all eye contact.
It was as if I was some rabid dog, or wild animal, that needed to be put down. He walked out as if he was better than me...as if he didn't deserve any consequences for his actions. As if he never did anything wrong.
I watched him walk into his car on my driveway. A part of me really wanted to run out there and slash his tires. But I knew that was pointless. I remember how he and I always believed that it's always better to take the high road. That holding grudges isn't right, that hurting others who have hurt you never does you any good. But..I didn't care. What he did to me was beyond forgiveness. He was completely full of shit. I just wanted a fucking honest apology, and he couldn't give me that. I cannot help but have complete disgust and hatred for him in this moment.
Better not show your face around here again if you can't even face me, coward...
He drives away.
I run back into the house, and run upstairs to my parents' room. (Why my parents room instead of my own, I have no idea.)
I fall down to the floor against the wall and begin sobbing.
I woke up.
Why did he pop up into my dream? I haven't even thought about him lately.
In the dream, I woke up around 4pm, groggy. I get on my laptop, check emails, browse facebook...and I notice that Antonio, probably the one and only person in this entire planet to successfully take advantage of me, lie himself, to my face, and lie to my friends, had been liking my photos and status updates. We aren't friends on there anymore, but he is still able to see my public posts. Now I notice that he is making it clear to me that he is facebook stalking me again. I notice from his thumbnail that he looks incredibly different. My curiosity gets the best of me and I click on his profile. I am a little surprised not to see him with his ex. He has a lot of pictures with this new, conventionally beautiful blonde girl with big, full lips, a rounded and pointy nose, nice cheekbones, and amazing big green eyes.
For a moment, I feel incredibly ugly, because of the part of me that used to wish I looked like a conventional, blonde beauty.
Then I push those thoughts aside as it hits me that she looks familiar. Turns out she's an acquaintance I used to be friends with in elementary school. She was always a sweet girl. And now I felt sorry for her, if she is dating him.
...is she his next victim?
I notice in his photos that he himself has lost a lot of weight, and is now in shape. He also got a new hairstyle; he straightens and combs his hair to reflect some sort of 1920's influenced style. I cannot help but think he did all of this just to spite me. And now he's trying to get my attention by showing up in my facebook notifications.
Whatever, that coward doesn't deserve my attention, or my thoughts. Shit's in the past.
And I close my laptop.
I walk downstairs to see my parents and my sister watching a movie.
I look down at the floor and I see a pair of shoes that don't belong to either of us...they look oddly familiar, in fact.
Then I see a pair of pants laying on the kitchen floor that also...don't belong to either of us.
I ask my mother if we have company over...and whose shoes and clothes those are. She just looks at me and tells me to shush, and not to say a word. I look back at the shoes.
Where have I seen these before?...they look like...his...
And that's when he walks into the kitchen.
Antonio.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING HERE?
I look at my mom, and she gives me a look, with her index finger vertically held against her mouth.
Right. Don't say anything.
I quietly sit there on the floor of the kitchen as I watch Antonio gather his extra pair of pants and shoes.
Was there some sort of emergency that he had to ask for help? I don't care. That coward abused my trust, toyed with me, and didn't even have enough courage to face me and apologize in person. And on top of that, he sends me texts that I ignore, stalks my facebook, as if nothing had happened? How dare he show his face around here...
He politely walks up to my parents and thanks them for all of their help. Then he walks towards the laundry room to exit through the garage. I follow him, and I close the door behind us, and block his exit.
Now he thinks he can leave my home without fucking facing me?
I don't say a word, but I immediately lift my hand to slap him.
He deflects my slap, and avoids making any eye contact with me.
For some reason, it's as if I am dramatically losing strength in my arms, not even enough to get in one simple slap.
Motherfucker can't even look me in the eyes. Now I was determined to get one slap in.
But the more I tired, the more my arms weakened. I could barely even lift them.
I made one last attempt, and as my arms started falling I grabbed onto his shirt collar as he grabbed my wrists. I began making all desperate attempts to claw and scratch at him. Finally, at last, I managed to scratch him so hard around his jaw/neck line that he started to bleed a little bit. I finally let go and he pushed me off of him, walking out as fast as he could, still avoiding all eye contact.
It was as if I was some rabid dog, or wild animal, that needed to be put down. He walked out as if he was better than me...as if he didn't deserve any consequences for his actions. As if he never did anything wrong.
I watched him walk into his car on my driveway. A part of me really wanted to run out there and slash his tires. But I knew that was pointless. I remember how he and I always believed that it's always better to take the high road. That holding grudges isn't right, that hurting others who have hurt you never does you any good. But..I didn't care. What he did to me was beyond forgiveness. He was completely full of shit. I just wanted a fucking honest apology, and he couldn't give me that. I cannot help but have complete disgust and hatred for him in this moment.
Better not show your face around here again if you can't even face me, coward...
He drives away.
I run back into the house, and run upstairs to my parents' room. (Why my parents room instead of my own, I have no idea.)
I fall down to the floor against the wall and begin sobbing.
I woke up.
Why did he pop up into my dream? I haven't even thought about him lately.