In bed, sleeping next to the guy I've been seeing...
We're snuggled up in bed. This is the first night I've truly felt connected to him since we've gotten involved.
It's usually difficult for me to sleep next to him when I stay over, but tonight I feel so serene that I find it easier to sleep.
I dreamt that my family and I owned an aquarium; the scenery was steam-punk-esque, reminding me of Bioshock.
The guy was there, but didn't really serve any purpose in my dream, except for the fact that he would hang out with my family and I. Most of it revolved around my father and I figuring out how to move some Koi fish from one place to another.
There was a water-tight room with glass walls where we temporarily kept some neon-glow-in-the-dark Koi and Gold fish. We couldn't figure out how to transport it to another room, and so my dad began to drain it.
"Dad, what are you doing? Those fish are going to die if you do that."
"Oh, Erica, they're just fish. We can get some new ones."
"No, I don't want to hurt them."
"But there's no other way to get them out of this room."
"I don't care - we're going to find another way. Let's keep them in here until we can figure it out."
My father gives in, but the issue was never resolved.
I wake up, still snuggled next to the guy. Not long after, he wakes up.
I begin to tell him about my dream, as I don't know what it means yet.
When I am finished, I suddenly recall something that happened before my dream...
As I was falling asleep, there was a whisper in my ears.
"I love you."
Too tired to move, I slightly smile and continue to fall into a deeper sleep, feeling calmer than before.
I did not share this with him.
Did that actually happen? Or was it all in my head?
I've never had hallucinations while falling asleep, and if I had dreamt it, I'm quite sure I would've had a bigger reaction. I always remember my dreams right after waking up.
But it felt too real to be a dream. I was in the exact spot I was when I had started to sleep. I was in that in between stage - right before you reach REM - you can still hear, but are usually too tired to process anything.
So I broke it down in my head.
Why it could've been a dream: It's too cinematic, too beautiful, and too precious to be real. Granted, we've been getting to know each other for a little over a month now, and I've always hung out with him for at least 24 hours. I've had guys tell me they loved me within weeks of dating; this wouldn't be the first time. But I don't see how this guy would make that conclusion about me. He's just as scared and hurt as I have been, and he's the sort of guy who likes being pursued. I suppose it's possible to have a false-awakening dream right before falling into a deeper sleep...
Why it could've been real: I've never had a hallucination or false-awakening dream as I am going to sleep, nor when I'm about to dream.
I've read a journal entry of this guy's when he had a summer fling a few years back - he had an urge to tell the girl he loved her while they snuggled in bed, but he resisted the impulse to say it, as he was afraid of what could result from such a serious declaration.
We had also just shared a very special moment together that was new to our romantic involvement. It's possible that it could've inspired him to say something while I slept.
If he's the sort of guy who could feel this early on, he's definitely the sort of guy who would want to express it while I'm asleep.
And, if it had been a dream, why didn't I remember it right away?
No matter which way I look at it, I can't be 100% sure. I prefer to think of it as being a dream because it's just easier that way - there's no risk involved if I believe that. Thinking about it over and over won't do me any good, either.
No matter what, I'll never know for sure.
And I kind of like it that way. It's inspiring.
Too dreamy to be real?
Or too real to be a dream?
Some things are better left untouched.