(no subject)
She ruined it. She fucking ruined it. Have you ever had tears of anger? Too sad to do anything, but too mad to cry. I've got a stomach ache. A terrible stomach ache. A fucking stress stomach ache. I don't even want to think right now. I don't want to feel. I want something to make me completely numb. Give me those fucking drugs. Hell, i'd easily settle for not being alive. No, it's not just because emily ended the first relationship i've ever had after only two days, over something as trivial as two beers no less. I just now noticed that I left all my other friends for Emily and Paige. What am I, fucking stupid? Now, I want ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with them. So, where the fuck am I? I have NOBODY except the people I talk to on the internet. I just lost my first girlfriend, and my two best friends at the same time. That's right. Two stolen beers. Why you ask? Why blatently disregard the lives of others to get what you want? Fuck, I dunno. Ask Emily. She seems to do it pretty often. I'm done with it. I'm done. It might just be the anger talking, who knows. I do know that I was perfectly content with being alone, and now i'm restless if i'm alone for an hour. I got used to talking on the phone every day and every night. Well, what am I supposed to do? I almost don't want to stop talking to them because I get this strange feeling that they won't give a shit if I leave. Almost not even worth it. It's like, I have to kill for a little goddamn closure. It's almost four in the morning. I spent all day being so happy. Thinking about Amber. Thinking about little things I could do for her. I had everything planned out. 3:30 am rolls around, boom. Dead. Nothing. Waste of my fucking life. Now, here I am. No real friends. Depressed for the first time in about a year. Whiping tears away as I type. Right back where I started. Nothing to look foreward to. I feel exactly like Ralph in my story now. That's actully kind of funny. They way things work out. I really don't need this right now. I swear on my own life, if I had the means right at this moment, I would end it. Yeah, it may seem like a little thing to get so upset about. Well, i'm an emotional guy. I'm sorry if I took up alot of your friends page. I could really use that friend right now. I don't care who you are. I'm loyal. I won't fuck you (literally or figuratively.) It's times like this I wish I was religous.