CA:TWS Podfic Rec #2 - "Reciprocity" by osprey_archer, read by iwillnotbecaged
[Podfic] Reciprocity (6 parts podficced, WIP)
Reader:
iwillnotbecaged
Author: osprey_archer
Link to series: Reciprocity [26 parts up, WIP is regularly updated] (PG-13 to NC-17 | 128,700 words)
List of Podficced Installments & Summaries: 1. Self-Abuse (R | 17:00 minutes)
Summary: “You want me to give you a handjob,” said Steve, because he was having trouble processing this. “You can’t take care of it yourself?”
“No.” Bucky sounded annoyed. “Self-abuse makes you go blind and grow hair on your palms.”
Of course one of the few things Bucky remembered from the thirties were anti-masturbation pamphlets.
[Podfic] 2. Disconnect (R | 19:47 minutes)
Summary: Bucky had been treated like a thing for decades. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he’d learned to see other people that way.
Bucky's years as the Winter Soldier have stunted his empathy so badly that Steve's not sure Bucky is capable of emotional connection anymore. But Steve keeps trying anyway, and Bucky is happy to take advantage of that.
Naturally, metal arm porn results.
[Podfic] 3. Boundaries (PG-13 | 32:57 minutes)
Summary: “Your goal is to replace a world-class assassin with a defective human being? That’s fucking stupid," Bucky said.
In which Bucky lies to his therapists, glories in stories of destruction, and finally has an honest conversation with Steve.
[Podfic] 4. Untangle (PG-13 | 19:42 minutes)
Summary: “Can I comb your hair?” Steve asked.
[Podfic] 5. Give Me Your Hand (PG-13 | 33:58 minutes)
Summary: After Bucky is injured on a mission, he attacks the medic who is trying to help him. Steve tries keep him from hurting anyone else.
[Podfic] 6. Dominoes (PG-13 | 17:52 minutes)
Summary: Of course feeling loved made Bucky feel vulnerable rather than safe.
But Bucky wasn’t crying because he thought Steve loved him too much. He thought Steve didn’t like him at all.
Steve finally begins to figure out Bucky's issues.
Why I rec this podfic/series: This is the psychologically most realistic Bucky recovery fic I've read so far. It's also the most haunting, and the fic that - for me - takes most serious the effects of prolonged conditioning, brain-washing and enforced memory loss. The story is at times physically upsetting to read (please head the warnings!). But don't expect in your face violence and torture; this series works much more subtle. I haven't yet managed to get it out of my head and I keep returning to it (both to the podfics and the stories); it has easily merged with the images from the Winter Soldier movie for me.
My Spoilery Notes: Perhaps most unsettling about the series is what happens to Steve. The story is told from his pov, but he is not a reliable narrator here. He is Captain America, "ridiculously self-sacrificing" (to quote the fic) both in his work for SHIELD and in his attempts to care for Bucky. He loves Bucky deeply, but this is a recovery story where love and self-sacrifice just are not enough. In "Dominoes", one of the turning points of the series, the author writes:
He [Steve] had been so sure he could do it, too: make Bucky feel safe. Feel loved. Like he could make Bucky all better with enough bowls of chicken soup.
That was an old thought. But abruptly Steve’s thoughts began to fall like dominoes, each one knocking down the next. Because of course just taking care of Bucky didn’t make Bucky feel safe. It seemed normal to Bucky that Steve treated him like the center of the universe. How else would a sensible organization treat a valuable asset, after all?
Because Bucky thought SHIELD was just another organization, just like all the others. Always listening. An oppressive force that Steve and Bucky allied against.
Or that Bucky tried to protect naïve, stupid Steve from.
Or - and Steve winced at the thought - that Steve allied with against Bucky.
No wonder Bucky clubbed Steve upside the head when Steve threatened to hold him down while the doctors worked. It must have been his worst nightmare: Steve the willing henchman, helping SHIELD hurt him. How could Steve have said something so stupid?
It's impossible to separate Bucky from the Winter Soldier in this fic, and that is, in a way, the point of it: that Bucky has resisted the Winter Soldier conditioning all along, as best as possible, but that this resistance comes at a high price. So then meet a Bucky Barnes post Winter Soldier that is like none other I've seen so far - manipulative, egotistical, incredibly cruel and callous - and yet so fiercely loyal to Steve and with a clearer understanding of SHIELD than Steve Rogers ever had. This fic takes turns I did not expect at all - reading it, you'll watch Steve spiral towards a nervous breakdown because caring for Bucky is just impossible for one person, and especially for a person who loves him. You'll see Bucky trying so hard to protect Steve, from a danger that Steve does not even realise is there.
And then there is actual healing. This series is now at almost 130K words, and I would not miss one word of it. Because the way Steve and Bucky are with each other in "Self-Abuse" is worlds away from how they are in "Accountability" - healing takes time, and reading the series, you are taken along for this journey of healing, step by step. There are sentences Bucky says in the later installments that may sound simple at face value. But knowing they come from the same man whom we saw at the beginning of the series, they just made me happy for days. This is a story to get invested in deeply; I doubt you can read it any other way.
In the later installments of "Reciprocity" many characters from the Agents of SHIELD TV series appear - it took me a while to understand who they are and what was happening, and I wished the author had spend more time on introducing the new characters (obviously, they didn't have to for a fannish audience who knows Agents of SHIELD :)). But it does make a whole lot of sense to have an outside plot going on while we see Bucky and (at this point) Steve recovering. I am not sure the mind-swiping plot really works for me (too much of a plot repetition, I think), but I am willing to go with it as it is a perfect background plot for the story of Bucky and Steve. If an Agents of SHIELD plot is not for you, be sure you read at least up until "Lay Your Armor Down". You don't want to miss this installment. ♥
The podfic readings are gorgeously done. I hope very much the podficcer continues to record the series. There is at times such heartfelt emotion in their voice - it adds to the haunting quality of those first 6 installments.
Thank you to
chantefable, for sucking me into the abyss that is Steve/Bucky reccing this series to me. ♥
Reader:
iwillnotbecaged
Author: osprey_archer
Link to series: Reciprocity [26 parts up, WIP is regularly updated] (PG-13 to NC-17 | 128,700 words)
List of Podficced Installments & Summaries: 1. Self-Abuse (R | 17:00 minutes)
Summary: “You want me to give you a handjob,” said Steve, because he was having trouble processing this. “You can’t take care of it yourself?”
“No.” Bucky sounded annoyed. “Self-abuse makes you go blind and grow hair on your palms.”
Of course one of the few things Bucky remembered from the thirties were anti-masturbation pamphlets.
[Podfic] 2. Disconnect (R | 19:47 minutes)
Summary: Bucky had been treated like a thing for decades. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he’d learned to see other people that way.
Bucky's years as the Winter Soldier have stunted his empathy so badly that Steve's not sure Bucky is capable of emotional connection anymore. But Steve keeps trying anyway, and Bucky is happy to take advantage of that.
Naturally, metal arm porn results.
[Podfic] 3. Boundaries (PG-13 | 32:57 minutes)
Summary: “Your goal is to replace a world-class assassin with a defective human being? That’s fucking stupid," Bucky said.
In which Bucky lies to his therapists, glories in stories of destruction, and finally has an honest conversation with Steve.
[Podfic] 4. Untangle (PG-13 | 19:42 minutes)
Summary: “Can I comb your hair?” Steve asked.
[Podfic] 5. Give Me Your Hand (PG-13 | 33:58 minutes)
Summary: After Bucky is injured on a mission, he attacks the medic who is trying to help him. Steve tries keep him from hurting anyone else.
[Podfic] 6. Dominoes (PG-13 | 17:52 minutes)
Summary: Of course feeling loved made Bucky feel vulnerable rather than safe.
But Bucky wasn’t crying because he thought Steve loved him too much. He thought Steve didn’t like him at all.
Steve finally begins to figure out Bucky's issues.
Why I rec this podfic/series: This is the psychologically most realistic Bucky recovery fic I've read so far. It's also the most haunting, and the fic that - for me - takes most serious the effects of prolonged conditioning, brain-washing and enforced memory loss. The story is at times physically upsetting to read (please head the warnings!). But don't expect in your face violence and torture; this series works much more subtle. I haven't yet managed to get it out of my head and I keep returning to it (both to the podfics and the stories); it has easily merged with the images from the Winter Soldier movie for me.
My Spoilery Notes: Perhaps most unsettling about the series is what happens to Steve. The story is told from his pov, but he is not a reliable narrator here. He is Captain America, "ridiculously self-sacrificing" (to quote the fic) both in his work for SHIELD and in his attempts to care for Bucky. He loves Bucky deeply, but this is a recovery story where love and self-sacrifice just are not enough. In "Dominoes", one of the turning points of the series, the author writes:
He [Steve] had been so sure he could do it, too: make Bucky feel safe. Feel loved. Like he could make Bucky all better with enough bowls of chicken soup.
That was an old thought. But abruptly Steve’s thoughts began to fall like dominoes, each one knocking down the next. Because of course just taking care of Bucky didn’t make Bucky feel safe. It seemed normal to Bucky that Steve treated him like the center of the universe. How else would a sensible organization treat a valuable asset, after all?
Because Bucky thought SHIELD was just another organization, just like all the others. Always listening. An oppressive force that Steve and Bucky allied against.
Or that Bucky tried to protect naïve, stupid Steve from.
Or - and Steve winced at the thought - that Steve allied with against Bucky.
No wonder Bucky clubbed Steve upside the head when Steve threatened to hold him down while the doctors worked. It must have been his worst nightmare: Steve the willing henchman, helping SHIELD hurt him. How could Steve have said something so stupid?
It's impossible to separate Bucky from the Winter Soldier in this fic, and that is, in a way, the point of it: that Bucky has resisted the Winter Soldier conditioning all along, as best as possible, but that this resistance comes at a high price. So then meet a Bucky Barnes post Winter Soldier that is like none other I've seen so far - manipulative, egotistical, incredibly cruel and callous - and yet so fiercely loyal to Steve and with a clearer understanding of SHIELD than Steve Rogers ever had. This fic takes turns I did not expect at all - reading it, you'll watch Steve spiral towards a nervous breakdown because caring for Bucky is just impossible for one person, and especially for a person who loves him. You'll see Bucky trying so hard to protect Steve, from a danger that Steve does not even realise is there.
And then there is actual healing. This series is now at almost 130K words, and I would not miss one word of it. Because the way Steve and Bucky are with each other in "Self-Abuse" is worlds away from how they are in "Accountability" - healing takes time, and reading the series, you are taken along for this journey of healing, step by step. There are sentences Bucky says in the later installments that may sound simple at face value. But knowing they come from the same man whom we saw at the beginning of the series, they just made me happy for days. This is a story to get invested in deeply; I doubt you can read it any other way.
In the later installments of "Reciprocity" many characters from the Agents of SHIELD TV series appear - it took me a while to understand who they are and what was happening, and I wished the author had spend more time on introducing the new characters (obviously, they didn't have to for a fannish audience who knows Agents of SHIELD :)). But it does make a whole lot of sense to have an outside plot going on while we see Bucky and (at this point) Steve recovering. I am not sure the mind-swiping plot really works for me (too much of a plot repetition, I think), but I am willing to go with it as it is a perfect background plot for the story of Bucky and Steve. If an Agents of SHIELD plot is not for you, be sure you read at least up until "Lay Your Armor Down". You don't want to miss this installment. ♥
The podfic readings are gorgeously done. I hope very much the podficcer continues to record the series. There is at times such heartfelt emotion in their voice - it adds to the haunting quality of those first 6 installments.
Thank you to
chantefable, for sucking me into the abyss that is Steve/Bucky reccing this series to me. ♥