(no subject)
I feel like, everybody, has a specific weakness, emotionally that is. Nobody is immune to it. I mean, perfection to me is an illusion, so to speak. Some try so hard to accomplish it, even sacrifice to reach it, but in the end, realize there is no such thing as perfection, since there is always some sort of progression to something else, something more. Realizing that weakness, helps us grow, helps us, evolve I guess. For some its sadness, other its raging tempers, maybe fear or greed. I've been deep in thought a lot over the past year over all of this.
For so long, I just reflected emotions that I saw in everyday social life, not knowing what to feel or how to act in unique situations, when inside my mind, I really was reacting, just afraid to show it. I didn't want to expose myself to outside judgement...or how to explain the way I felt, whether it was sadness, despair or even heartache or anger. The paralysis fear, I guess you could call it. Its funny even, in a way. I see it, I really do. Can I go back, and right the wrongs? No. I wouldn't even if I was able to. I have moved on, into uncharted waters. I have somebody, who treats me right, cares for me, and is the most amazing person I've ever met. Its like I'm in a dream, she shows me her world, and I show her mine, as we lay under the starlit night sky. There are times that I wish would never end, ya know? It really has been years since I've felt like that. I feel like I can let go, of my pain, my anger, my sorrow, all the things that mutilated me in the past. When I'm with her, I feel safe I guess you could say.
Maybe I am letting myself be exposed. I don't know. I hope not, because in a way, and I'm not afraid to say this anymore, I feel like, she might be the one. Could I be getting ahead of myself? Absolutely! But a gut feeling is a gut feeling. After all, we are human, and make mistakes. That is how we forge our stories.
For so long, I just reflected emotions that I saw in everyday social life, not knowing what to feel or how to act in unique situations, when inside my mind, I really was reacting, just afraid to show it. I didn't want to expose myself to outside judgement...or how to explain the way I felt, whether it was sadness, despair or even heartache or anger. The paralysis fear, I guess you could call it. Its funny even, in a way. I see it, I really do. Can I go back, and right the wrongs? No. I wouldn't even if I was able to. I have moved on, into uncharted waters. I have somebody, who treats me right, cares for me, and is the most amazing person I've ever met. Its like I'm in a dream, she shows me her world, and I show her mine, as we lay under the starlit night sky. There are times that I wish would never end, ya know? It really has been years since I've felt like that. I feel like I can let go, of my pain, my anger, my sorrow, all the things that mutilated me in the past. When I'm with her, I feel safe I guess you could say.
Maybe I am letting myself be exposed. I don't know. I hope not, because in a way, and I'm not afraid to say this anymore, I feel like, she might be the one. Could I be getting ahead of myself? Absolutely! But a gut feeling is a gut feeling. After all, we are human, and make mistakes. That is how we forge our stories.